Hello trippy people! I come to you, sincerely and humbly, for help. I did DMT a few years back, had only pleasent experiences, and came into contact with very compassioniate beings. I used to read this forum occasionally, and just the effect of reading the forum, with no drugs, caused me to have good dreams and positive vibes. I'm having trouble in ways that most people can't understand, but I hope that maybe some of you do, and maybe can help me with your awesomely insane trippy alien powers that I know you have.

I'll try to make this as concise as possible - my thoughts tend to jump around.

I've been having hallucinations of voices for the past 5 years, and it has progessively gotten worse. It started when I went to jail - I have severe social anxiety and being around aggressive people all day seemed to have triggered the hallucinations. Anxiety seems to make my auditory hallucinations worse, because even a small dose of benzodiazepines such as xanax makes them go away entirely, and may I note here that I have the voices almost all day (and anxiety all day). I describe it to the doctors such as a triangle of depression, anxiety, and psychosis, all that feed into each other and make each other worse. 3 Years ago I had an NBOME trip, and I tripped with another person that revealed deep secrets to me, most certainly pre-maturely, such secrets that all of our minds are connected and my thoughts are not secret.

Lately this "psychosis" (if you want to call it that, but many of you will know these voices are "real" ) has been at it's peak. It's caused me to lose my job, and my home, and I've been homeless and in mental hospitals on and off for the past 2 months. Let me detail these voices a bit more. A lot of these voices stem from my own mind - I realize that I sub-consciously create them. Some of them are real, I've talked to beings in my mind that had super-knowledge, like of the future - some that wanted to help me, and some that wanted to harm me. Some of the voices (few) are my good good friends, that try to help me and solve the problem. Some of them mean to harm me, they say things like "HEY DUSTIN" (and may I note here, that these voices mostly manifest themselves physically, as if I was hearing them with my ear-drums and not in my mind) when I'm out in public. Many of the voices are the result of out-of-control mind.

It's made going into public absolutely impossible. I have gone absolutely insane, and I'm afraid that suicide is my only option. I can't go to the gas station and buy a fucking candy bar without having a telepathic conversation with the cashier, hearing the customers in the store talk shit about me (hey dustin, I can see your thoughts!), and being completely aware during this interaction that we share the same mind, and know each other's mind completely. It's just like, I know too much. I wish I didn't realize that my thoughts aren't private, and that everyone knows my fucking soul, and I'm so vulnerable to psychic attacks because I can't hide, and all I want to do is hide, and it hurts me so much when I hear "WE CAN SEE YOU! WE KNOW YOU'RE INNER BEING AND THOUGHTS, YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM US!".

I've spent a lot of time taking on immense mental abuse by these voices, and I can't even enjoy simple things like watching t.v, taking a walk, or masturbation anymore. The only thing that gets my mind off of it, is listening to old classic rock on my old FM radio, and drinking beer. I'm literally in hell, and I'm pretty sure that suicide might be the only way out. I want to add that I used crystal meth for about 7 months, and I've been off of it for 4 months. At first the drug gave me awesome realizations, like DMT did, but over time it fucked my mind up so much. I blame my state of homelessness and misery on meth. It's a psychedelic drug, to me, but one that gives insights without comfort, and un-preparedness and unskillfulness. I didn't give a fuck because I miss my ex-lover so much, that I didn't care if I died, so I kept using it for a long time. Now I'm in a deep hole, buried, and I can't get myself out of it.

The main problem seems to be that I can't make any sense of my reality. When I hear voices talking to me, I don't always understand where they're coming from. I seem to be in an odd state of having too much information to be happy, while at the same time, not having enough. If I understood the source of these voices, and their intentions, I think I could make peace with them. But I realize that there's many different sources of them, such as, some are from my own mind, and some are from other people's minds - some are from other dimensions, and so forth. I don't know if I can make peace with it, and live a normal life.

If anything, maybe I can help someone else. When I did my NBOME trip, I took 1 tab, and felt good, and let myself get peer-pressured into taking a second tab when I didn't really want to (wanted to impress a girl) and then got mind-raped by the universe. DMT and Mushrooms never gave me any problems, some of the best memories of my life. LSD turned my chair into a skull. It appears to me that man-made synthetic chemicals created to alter mind-states are prone to going wildy out of control, and I would reccommend never taking them, unless you want to be a voice hearing schizophrenic living on the street that knows too much (you can know too much). I know that not everyone has this reaction, but if you've never used, you don't know if it won't have that reaction. Natural psychedelics, of good reputation (because I know not all natural things are good), when used responsibly, seem to only cause benefit (from my limited perspective, that's how it seems.)

I welcome absolutely any advice, and I thank you profusely. This is definitely the wisest community I've ever come across, and I value your support immensely.

FOR THE RECORD/EXTRA INFORMATION - I'm a Buddhist, so yeah, I've tried meditation (a LOT). I am medicated (I can't get the doctors to prescribe the one thing that helps, benzos). I fight a lot, and I fight the voices. I hear that with understanding comes peace, and I think my mis-understanding of the hallucinations brings my inner-violence (the violence always makes it so much worse.)

I would strongly advise stopping all drugs and psychedelic medicines. It sounds like you need grounding and that they're not the most ideal thing for you in that. Depending on the type of meditation it might also be taking you "up and out". Practices that focus on body awareness would be better I believe, simple things like walking in the wilderness, yoga, spinal waves, swimming, running, soaking your feet in warm water for like 5-10 minutes. Regularity in eating and sleeping will help you ground too.

For the anxiety there is a breathwork technique I figured out (not saying that it mightnt be out there in a slightly different form, there's nothing new under the sun). I call it cigarette breathing, breathe through pursed lips deeply, hold for a comfortable period and then exhale with a relaxed mouth. The technique is inspired by the way someone breathes when smoking, I suspect that this is actually contributing to the way people feel when they smoke. Do this for 5 minutes and I could be very surprised if you don't feel calm. 4-7-8 breathing is good too.

Another breathwork you could try is purposely sighing, as vigorously or gently as you want as if you're letting off gas. When you have a big need to yawn gently exhale and hold your breath. Almost always helps to calm the mind when mine is overactive.

I know something of what you're experiencing in my own way, I've never touched meth or nbome but I know the servere overwhelm of "knowing too much". I humbly wish to urge you to consider that now is the time for integration and not more journeying. Ultimately your in control of your life, the choices you make are yours. I cannot give you a magic pill, I can only offer the small amount that I can. This too shall pass and on the end is a different experience waiting to be had. You can do it!