Today i was on the bus going to deal with something that was already causing stress when a passenger boarded that i havea history with. To make a long story short, i helped an individual that was introduced to me by a trusted friend and i helped this person learn how to access spice. He then proceeded to steal from me and several other people within a very small social circle (he is actively addicted to several things but good at hiding it) and sexually assaulted at least three women i personally know with penetration on one. None of thesewomen, who accessed his "services" as a "shaman" (starting to get where i got this chip on my shoulder from?)-meaning he got themhigh and assaulted them-will go to police because of the concurrent illegal drug use and their knowledge of the treatment of rape victims in us courts.

OK, i saw this piece of garbage on the bus. I looked down and away from him as my blood pressure instantly rose and i actually felt for my pocket knife (!?!). I did some breathing exercises and tried to control my feelings and then he looked over and decided glowering at me was a good idea. I lost it, called him out across the bus as what he is, called him a coward (I'm way shorter than he is but he won't stand up to me) and walked towards him. Hee stood and i could smell the booze, see his beady little pinned eyes and i had to physically stop myself.

I never actually threatened him, although i did tell him i wanted to hand him his teeth. I remained cognizant of being on a bus. I told him to get off the bus with me at my stop and he began to get off at a crowded intersection. I told him i was getting off at 29 and industrial where there's nobody around and he went to the driver who was kinda freaking out about the position he'd been thrust into, and asked him to call police.

I hope his drunk ass talked to them.

I'm not a "peace and love hippie". I've had enough tragic and traumatic life experiences to know that this world is a cold and lonelyplace. Since I've become a survivor, i have dedicated myself and my energy to advocacy for marginalized people and populations, and this persons crimes set off my justice sensor. I don't see myself as any ki kind of vigilante, that's not what this it's. This person hurt me, hurt people i love and i want his sociopathic ass to feel pain.

I've had two occasions in my life where i acted on rage and I'm fortunate i didn't really kill someone either time. Both times i was in immediatephysical danger but the response was so quick and automatic i don't remember thinking about it. Just one second a person was there in front of me and the next they are bleeding. I don't want this to happen simply due to something like this person.

I feel this might be the tallest, steepest and most consequential mountain I've climbed, that of anger management.

I want people reading this to know that I'm not a violent person despite all I've said, i believe and practice non violence, but I'm not pacifist by any means. Maybe i haven't let on how much this thing is bothering me bit it does and that should tell you something. I don't know how to navigate this, I'll see this person semi regularly and usually when there's people around i can refrain myself ( although if i see him in public in the company of a woman, I'll walk up, introduce myself to her and tell her everything she'll let me that i know about him. I've done this twice, both times he just stood there and both neithertime did he defend himself. The jacket fits, that's why. Now he just claims I'm crazy and delusional.

This might be a good opportunity to practice letting go. Screw this guy! Don't let him get ya all worked up. If he continues to behave as you have described, he will eventually create major problems in his life and will pay a price in some form or another. Don't carry around the anger. Place it down.

It's ok to be angry. It shows us something doesn't jive. Feel it and move on. Use it rather than it using you. As Albert Einstein stated, the one who angers you conquers you.

I am anti violence and do not wish to encourage it, so this is just a theoretical idea, but if this guy has definitely done what you are saying he has, then maybe it would make you less angry if you did beat him up. But not in front of witnesses. Or you could challenge him to go in the ring with you. Queensbury rules. But, then again, maybe it is not your battle to fight.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

The consequences of this person's actions will catch up with them. It is not within your power, or your best interests, to attempt to dispense karma. You will just face the consequences of your own actions (and thoughts and feelings). Do absolutely continue to warn others of the predatory actions of this person, beyond that, step back and let the wheels turn.

There are a huge array of anger management techniques out there, but there are a couple that seem to be particularly effective. Biofeedback techniques to control the breathing and heart rate allow one to manage the unconscious physiological response, which is truly one of the most powerful tools in the box for controlling emotional reactions. I'll preach it to the choir again and again, meditation is hands down the most effective tool for stepping out the stories you continually tell yourself and dis-identifying from unproductive thinking patterns. Along the same lines, there are many very helpful CBT syle cognitive reframing techniques that are the basis of many anger management programs if you lean toward a more rational approach.

If you truly want to engage the higher level practice and work from the inside out, consider Mettā practices. Ultimately we are all suffering beings and the most benevolent and necessary of practices is to offer compassion to others and to ourselves.

Is anger and the desire to beat someone that has allegedly raped a friend an unproductive thinking pattern?

The one doing the evil deeds does so out of a verry ugly place. Good intentions are the most dangerous thing on this planet, when your intentions are bad its usually easier to see the consequences.

Beating him up will only strenghten the hate towards life this person lives in, probbably not leading towards a better situation. He will see him as your victim, not some one who deserved what he got ( i think).

I do understand your position, and i have the utmost respect for your restraint. Let him be your trainer in this. Atleast one person reaps benefit from his (dispicable) actions.

Whether or not it is, he is not being attacked at the time nor anyone else so it’s time to take advantage of a solid chance to think this through because as we all know fighting gets a little chaotic and it’s hard to think. I wouldn’t recommend to get in the ring because this fight isn’t going to be sporty, no chance one of them will practice reatraint unless they do something that shocks and startles even them.

The goal is for people to know, and everyone to stay safe. We have smart people here, how do we do it?

Well Null you got through the experience and kept your hands to yourself. My fiance has an ex who (many years ago) did to her what the douchbag in your story did, in a forced way. From what I understand (this was before I knew her) he was very abusive physically and emotionally. The stories I've heard make my blood boil. This guy lives here in our town, we see him on the bus once in a while. When I see him I want to kill him. I want to take out my Gerber and put it in him again and again, cut his goddamn head off. I've spent hours of my life imagining this person's slow and painful death (probably not very healthy, hasn't done me a bit of good). Loving her has been the most incredible experience, we just had our second child together.

By the way I'm from Portland too. I grew up in a neighborhood near 82nd and Halsey. I would have gone to Madison High had we not moved by then. Moved back later in my teens and early 20s, lived on the streets by then because I was strung out on dope. Moved North a suburb to Vancouver then eventually further north towards Puget sound.

I appreciate that comment and i am not saying 100 per cent that violence is the answer. I am more of a talker than a fighter myself but am also torn between thinking that fighting is necessary in certain cases. What if it was your partner (like tony's) or your kid?? My point is that this kind of anger and the desire to avenge is perhaps quite a healthy reaction.

I personally do agree with this, but it is better not to go actively looking for conflict.

If this person truly is exactly like you believe he is, then, see this anger you feel as a usefull mechanism to keep you safe. There may come a moment when you REALY need it.

It's not unlikely that he sees you as a threat. And then you need to be on your guard when this guy is around, because if he is like you say he is (Backstabbing kind of person), he might try to hurt you when he feels it is safe for him to do so. Backstabbers are dangerous people to be around.

if you do stupid things, hurt people, get addicted and fuck up your life...
you will be punished. no one has to enforce it. it will just happen.

or have you ever seen one happy drug addict at the train station etc?

so whenever someone does something annoying to you,
or your friends, just remember this. he will be taken care of.

no need to police him and everybody else.
try to improve the person who is the only
one you have control over.

and the question is: what type of person *do you* want to
deal with? turn it around: in the situation of this guy,
what would like to from other people? how should they
deal with you? and then, become that person.

if you like this idea, you can check out any of
harry browne*s books, especially
"how i found freedom in an unfree world" and
"rule your world"

might be an amazing trip

I've been watching this thread, and I think this answer sums up my feelings as well. I couldn't think of the best way to answer.... err.... kinda hit close to home and just in time. But, just is in time is better than the alternative.

Luckily, I was not angry at a person. I was really f'n mad at DMT. I felt betrayed - from an event that happened years ago. So, I'd been quietly "huffing and puffing and sulking" for a few years. Over the past few months, things seemed like they were getting weirder - an I felt that I'd developed an unhealthy perspective about DMT. Watching as countless people are induced with fear... fear? Really? The thing that is all over the world in all sorts of living thing thrives on fear? What a loser. Pathetic, really. Seriously, it is pathetic. And it is weakness.

Anyways, I got tired of being the subject.... so I made a plan. Actually, a few plans. I decided to use an old trick that I'd learned from LSD and subdivided myself into 4 different realities/planes of existence. I waited until my "group" should be asleep, and sent three of the selves into their dreams for safety and a back-up in case this idea backfired. I was ready for a backfire. Still might happen.... but, I left myself with a sacrificial "lamb." One of the components that I am displeased with - the "addict of impulse." I spent all day saying that the guardian was already in there and battling away... but getting weak. So, the only option would be sending the "addict of impulse" in to trade out with the guardian and allow it to come home.

Once there, it was instructed to cling on to any of the "dick head" entities; bury deep inside them and then subdivide the entities into 4 - casting them all across the universe. I'd picked the center of a star for the final location of one: so that it could burn for eternity until exploding into nothingness. Another part would be placed in the center of a frozen planet: so that it will shiver for eternity, until the planet is destroyed - back to nothingness. The third part would find a meteoroid or asteroid and locate itself in the center of the living rock - stuck in a rigid setting with no bearing of location; drifting into nothingness... and the last part.... now this is where it gets risky... the last part would have likely been the toughest. So, that part would be bound to... me. Imagine living inside something.... trapped there... unable to escape. I'll let it feel my pain, my joy, my vision, my senses... as of it thinks it's driving the ship. LOL. But it would be a passenger and I have to option of "mute."

"Sorry entity xyz... I had come to you many times... and learned how to use my mistakes against you. If I suffer, you suffer. If I'm happy, you're happy. If i'm sad, you'll be sad. You won't be able to distinguish the difference... and GOOOOOD luck getting your body back. The more you try to escape, the tighter the web around your throat will be. I don't mind. I get choked out all the time. I tap when I can't get out of a hold. I don't continue to struggle - it just gets tighter. Of course, when I roll - I'm rolling with friends. So, what say you? End the feud and become a team?"

This caught it off guard. The whole day it was thinking that I was coming into its world to fight it. Lol. Deception is yet another trick that it taught me. So... the time has come, and I'm ready. I loaded the GVG and decided to take the launch. At first, it seemed friendly - so I smiled and waited. It seemed to display much confusion. It started off by trying to show mesmerizing colors... I said my prayer: "To be aware is to be free. To be focused is to be here. To be strong, we must love. We heal everything." That was the catalyst the showed it's true nature. It wanted to jam my awareness. It didn't. It wanted to jam my focus, it didn't. It wanted to jam my love... it couldn't. Upon saying that last line, it began to show erratic behavior. Shifting between visions that it thought would scare me. It didn't. I just simply repeated myself, over and over.

Each time, it began to try harder and harder to break me. It was funny! - Seeing something so insignificant trying to break my current position. Maybe it fails to realize my own insignificance? Oh well. We kept going. It tried everything it could to break my focus and my goal. Didn't work. My only compromise would be that we would set aside our differences and become a team. Eventually, it began to show some awareness, then focus, then love, and eventually "submitted." It's not going to get freedom, not yet. It's not going to "be here" not yet. It's not going to gain strength, not yet. But, it will begin to heal - everything. If not, then the consequences will ultimately render it powerless.

I still did not trust it, so I re-packed the GVG and headed in. Neutrality. It no longer seemed to want control over me. In fact, it's pretty scared right now. It knows what is happening by the creation of this post... yes, the intent of the entity will be bound in a pixilated, 2-D world that only lives if I chose it to live. Should I feel the need - this post will be deleted and lost into the void of nothingness. It is entangled in these words - and once they are gone... it goes too. Simple. Type it out, and then delete it.

I learned about this method from a dream... actually, this is the dream that brought all of this to my attention:

Dream originally occurred on 02/19/2019



I had a headache for most of the day... until I got an idea... they trapped me in a 2-D realm... well... why not I do the same? I typed out the dream, on a different chat - got all the details out there and then.... "jester clear." POOF. Just like that, they were stuck in a 2-D realm of nothingness. Their existence was lost in the void of nothingness. No, telling the story doesn't bring them back. It only serves as a reminder for my "pals" that they should be careful about giving up their secrets. I'm not going to tell how they can get out (they can't). Only reason that I made it out is because my wife had a strange feeling that I'd stopped breathing. She usually doesn't wake me up when she leaves for work... but she said that she had a weird feeling that I wasn't breathing. So, she is the one who got me out.

Love. To be strong, we must love. Those who do not love will never be strong. They will be weakness. Without her, would I have suffocated? Maybe. The problem for them... they only love themselves. No one will EVER wish to wake them from their endless void of envy and hatred.


Whew. Glad to get that shit out.

I like to play this song for it to hear... you know, just to remind it of our little disagreement. Should it try some bullshittery... then I'll take a different approach. But, when you use music as a weapon... hard to avoid.

https://music.youtube.co...1k40uA&feature=share

Take care!
ACY





(***** It may be important to clarify: The entity that was being tricked WAS not DMT. DMT was the tool to enter into a vulnerable state and instigate change within myself. The enemy is "the addict of impulse." I know that it had been a part of me in the past, and tends to demand control of the situation when I feel pressed into a corner. When I say that I subdivided, that was also a ploy to think that the "addict of impulse" felt it was it's moral obligation to go in for the greater good. However, it's methods were not really "righteous." Yes, this is the side of me that resides in fear. It is my weakness. But, I have made the choice that it's no longer a primary factor in my life. it made the choice to confront itself and exit. Yes, I will retain the memory... but that can easily be lost in the void.... remembering my past mistakes will help improve my future actions.

This is a metaphorical story. Sure, did it happen like that? I guess. But there were many parts at play. I had to figure out a creative way to get rid of the things which instigate feelings of weakness. To grow as a person, I have to love. That is the message.**** )

I was very unsure of where this would go and almost fearful to check responses, but thank you to everyone who had so far responded. Whether the adviceseems to me good , bad, relevant or not, it's all useful.


I still have some reflecting to do before i want to come back with any real response, but this reflects much of my current feelings on the matter..

Leaving him to stood destruct hasn't been satisfactory so far as he seems to be invulnerable to most forms of 'karmic' retribution somehow.

This individual taughtme everything i know about narcissistic, manipulative sociopaths. He is charming, that's how he initially sucked me in and all the other people he victimized. He truly sees himself as a person that can lead a person to wellness through his techniques. Unfortunately, according to one woman (a professional who would never come forward about doing DMT and risk her career), this technique involves "submitting her body" to him in order to better " learn to let go"!!!

But yes, there's a big lesson here for me, and maybe he is a teacher-just not the kind he thinks he is. I'll continue my struggle against people like him and keep myself out of jail in the process.

To the fellows who have suggested we just fight it out, i'm glad he refused my invite. I played out scenarios in my head last night and several went way beyond where i wanted. Pushing the guy, having him trip and get brained on the sidewalk, for example. Having my rage response go into action and blacking out. None of them ended with me any happier.

Really, thanks for all responses. Y'all make me feel less isolated and a little less of a horrible person.

(Underlined): That is very disturbing. NOT what these substances are intended to do, IMO. I can understand your desire to express your frustration towards an individual like that. However, I do think it is wise that you avoided the ultimate conflict.

Yep, there will always be those folks. Be weary of 'em. It might be worth warning all the people that may be involved with him of his behavior. That way, you don't physically harm him, and he won't be able to physically harm anyone else. Then again, that may just get a big rumor-war going. Another hassle. Try to solve one thing often results in another issue.

I dunno the best approach. You'll figure it out.

Take Care,
ACY

I would hate to see you becoming accounted for resulting medical costs and legal consequences of many sorts.

In nature things are simple, not so in societies. For better and worse.

I've been triggered once too, much to my surprise that I could really feel such a surge. After he caused me a near big accident I wanted to kill the *ss but I could not reach him so I was left with the feeling. But there was at the same time awareness that my unforeseen drift was a lesson about myself. It never happened before and also not later again. It's deep natural stuff and extremely latent (at least in my case). I think we should recognize these parts as natural, normal, but not of practical use in the societies we live in. In nature they would define surviving and positioning while in society they would cause a huge backlash that is not found in plain nature. Better to adapt me thinks. I feel for people who can't adapt and even more for the victims of those.

The thought of karma as a consolation, that's a tough one.

So say you act on your impulse.
Does it change what happened? Does it heal the victims' trauma? Does it change his behavior? Does it result in beneficial outcomes for you, for him, for his victims?

Say you don't act on your impulse, just hold on to that hot coal.
Does it change what happened? Does it heal the victims' trauma? Does it change his behavior? Does it result in beneficial outcomes for you, for him, for his victims?


So can we take this influx of energy and passion and channel it into something that actually productively addresses these issues? What about getting word out in the local psychedelic/shaman seeking community hat this man is a predator. How about organizing a community education events to help women learn how to avoid ending up in these situations and how to defend themselves if they do. Maybe accompany your victimized friends to support groups for victims of sexual assault.

Maybe even step up to the true test of character and assist him with finding the help he needs to address his own trauma and begin to modify his behavior. The tallest of orders may be the only one that effectively heals the perpetuating wound and ends the cycle of abuse.

"Hate begets hate; violence begets violence; toughness begets a greater toughness. We must meet the forces of hate with the power of love." -Martin Luther King Jr. 1958

If i had done what this guy had done, i would expect some kind of come uppance. But therein lies the rub as i believe in taking responsibility for ones actions.



True Dreamer, very true and wise words but surely you are coming from an objective point of view. If you can think this way after one of your kids has been sexually assaulted then you are one hyper transcendental mofo. I personally would want to shove my red hot coal of anger down the guys throat and watch him choke on it. Which maybe a very fallible solution but also a very human solution. In the case of someone being dealt with after committing a sexual assault, it won't help the victim (unless they perhaps take a hand in the revenge tactics which maybe a healthy outlet for them), but it may deter the guy from doing it again.

As for the MLK quote.....i agree but i think that MLK is one of those guys that had values that are almost impossible to aspire to. It is right to aim for these values but we are not failures if we have trouble reaching them.
Objectively i agree with you but subjectively i am in a quandry over being a zen pupil or a vengeful thug.

In short i think that Null was right to not attack the guy as it could have easily got out of hand, not to mention the proliferation of firearms available in the US. Null if you really feel that this is your battle to fight then perhaps going in the ring, in a controlled environment with a ref could be still on the table as far as solutions go in regard to letting out you anger? Or if the guy isn't up for it, go in the ring with someone else and vent...

It can help the victim. It is extremely upsetting for a victim, to find out that the guy has somehow been allowed to commit another act of terror again. So preventing him from doing that is helping the victim.

It is still not recomendable though, to do this.
Violence is only a last resort. Once you choose that path, all other options, probably much better ones even, are off the table.

Anger can be usefull because it allows you to act if needed. Getting you all pumped up with adrenalin. And it makes you send-out warning signals that can prevent a lot of misery.
Dogs often bark and growl, so that they won't have to bite.

The trick is to keep your anger in check. Otherwise it'll make you do stupid things that you WILL come to regret.

You seem to think that attacking this person will somehow change his behavior or prevent him from victimizing others again. I'd suggest that is erroneous thinking. You assault the guy, you end up locked up for assault, he remains free to prey on others. He can even use his bruises to play the sympathy card on the next victim. You have now have a criminal assault charge, have to pay a bunch of fines, attend a bunch of classes. Now you invest all your time and energy facing the repercussions of your own unwarranted actions instead of directing it toward measures that will actually help to prevent this happening again like educating others and getting him treatment.