Extensive DMT Experience Review and Evaluation:PRE-CONDITIONSMindset: Concerned
(physical condition) Set: Healthy
Setting (location): Home
time of day: 10:00 PM EST
recent drug use: None other than DMT 1 week earlier
last meal: Chicken wrap (self made) 7:00 PM EST
PARTICIPANTGender: M
body weight: 81.65kg
known sensitivities: None
history of use: (Private)
BIOASSAYSubstance(s): Caapi leaf, DMT
Dose(s): 3 pipes of Caapi (mgs unknown), 85mgs DMT
Method of administration: Freebase
GVG (Glass Vapor Genie)
EFFECTSAdministration time: 9:30 for Caapi, 10:00 for DMT
Duration: 2.0 hrs
First effects: Five seconds
Peak: T=10:00 PM -11:30 PM EST
Come down: T=11:30 PM -12:00 PM EST
Baseline: T=12:30 PM EST
Intensity (overall): 4+
Evaluation / notes: Not sure what this is?
OPTIONALPleasantness: 4+
Unplesantness: 4+
Visual Intensity: 4+
REPORTPRE-CONDITIONSMindset: Concerned
(physical condition) Set: Healthy
Setting (location): Home
time of day: 10:00 PM EST
recent drug use: None other than DMT 1 week earlier
last meal: Chicken wrap (self made) 7:00 PM EST
PARTICIPANTGender: M
body weight: 81.65kg
known sensitivities: None
history of use: (Private)
BIOASSAYSubstance(s): Caapi leaf, DMT
Dose(s): 3 pipes of Caapi (mgs unknown), 80mgs DMT
Method of administration: Freebase GVG
EFFECTSAdministration time: 9:30 for Caapi, 10:00 for DMT
Duration: 2.0 hrs
First effects: Five seconds
Peak: T=10:00 PM -11:30 PM EST
Come down: T=11:30 PM -12:00 PM EST
Baseline: T=12:30 PM EST
Intensity (overall): 1,000,000,000
Evaluation / notes: Not sure what this is?
OPTIONALPleasantness: 1,000,000,000
Unplesantness: 1,000,000,000
Visual Intensity: 1,000,000,000
REPORT
Extensive DMT Experience Review and Evaluation (PREFACE):
This will be a rather long DMT experience report and I apologize in advance. You always have the option to stop and read more later should you choose, so I've decided to err on the side of extensive detail in this regard.
I am treating everything I'm reporting about DMT as more of a science experiment as I have no real interest in psychotropic drugs anymore. The only reason I have revisited this arena is based on the many diverse (and conflicting) reports of "near death-like" experiences DMT users often claim to have experienced. This report is my personal contribution to the DMT Nexus as to what happens to a person on hi-dose FB DMT (with smoked MAOI) and I want to document this as clearly and accurately as possible.
Much of what is written in these first few sections is not directly related to my DMT experiment(s) but by reading these sections first, you will walk away understanding the reasoning as to
why I deemed these DMT experiments as necessary. You will also be assured of a certain
"level of sincerity" in my honest reporting of what I have experienced.
You can skip to the money shot should you choose, but you will be missing out on valuable information as to why I've attempted any of this at all. If you are interested in a truly unbiased, personal study of the effects of DMT, then I encourage you to read this entire report as scripted. I have broken up this review into different parts so that you have the option to read whatever section you choose (see "Review Menu" ). This also saves you from searching through the infamous "wall of text" trying to find the specific information you seek:
REVIEW MENU:
( 1 )
MY BACKGROUND (This post)( 2 )
HOW DOES DMT FIGURE IN?( 3 )
FIRST DMT EXPERIMENT 04/03/18:( 4 )
SUBSEQUENT DMT EXPERIMENTS( 5 )
ACHIEVING BREAKTHROUGH 4/30/18:( 6 )
THE ULTIMATE ENCOUNTER( 7 )
RETURN TO REALITY( 8 )
WARNING TO EVERYONE( 9 )
CONCLUSIONS:(10 )
FINAL THOUGHTS
( 1 ) MY BACKGROUND:
For those who don't already know me, I am an artist (mural-size oil paintings) and a writer (logical/analytical processes). My art is a combination of abstract expressionism, cubism and surrealism
(Painting Photo Link). If Dali and Picasso had a baby, that'd be me! As an artist, I have a natural ability to bring back and communicate visual information from my experiences that is more difficult for other non-artists to do.
My current literary work is based on a step-by-step logical process I have developed for ascertaining truth (and making good decisions) when only
limited information is available. I have been painting since 1986 as a result of a life changing LSD experience and my book is the result of another life changing event that happened in May of 2008. My book and my paintings are byproducts of various psychogenic experiments, "confusing" life events, my personal quest to understand the reason for why you and I exist ...and why we are tasked with figuring out what life is all about in the first place.
About My Book: The logical process I use in my book is similar to René Descartes' process of
Methodic Doubt, but I've configured it to be more like a "self-help book." Descartes' rather
unforgiving use of logic involves so much "doubt" going on that a painfully infinite regression of doubting emerges. It leaves one doubting the one who's doing the doubting, and then doubting the person that doubts the doubter (See
"Evil Demon"). This process is of no use to someone who has made costly mistakes in life and just wants to make better decisions going forward. As long as you're not a nihilist, then my logic-based, decision making process can aid you in this regard.
The scope of my process has the reader starting at what is tantamount to "Zero" (or "ground zero" ) and working their way up from there. You are required to remove everything that can lead you in the wrong direction (bias, prejudice, favoritism, emotion etc. ) which then allows the truth to reveal itself without you unknowingly running interference along the way. You are like a "newborn baby" in this regard. Whenever you are faced with a situation where a decision must be made while not have all of the facts and data, then obviously there is a chance you will make the wrong decision. By following my simple step-by-step process you will gain the best possible odds for making the right decision.
My process doesn't
guarantee you will discover the truth or even make the right decisions in life, but it will greatly help by eliminating common errors of logic that can cause you to make the wrong decisions... or be deceived by what is
not the truth.
Since I am the one who designed this process, then obviously I have to
test it out on myself to see if it works. In virtually all situations where information was limited and yet a decision was required, my process provided dramatically better results than found in my past experiences. However, once I applied my process to my own
"spiritual beliefs" things became rather difficult. In order to assess validity (truth) within my beliefs, then I am required to remove all prior spiritual beliefs to which I've held all of my life and re-evaluate them at the zero point. This can be very difficult task for anyone who has fostered extensive spiritual beliefs most of their life.
For me, I have been a Christian most of my life, but my beliefs came into question back in 2008. At that time I began questioning various things in my life that made no sense or were contradictory in their nature (which included the Bible and many elements of the Christian faith). The paradigm shift in my spirituality back in 2008 helped me to cast aside my personal spiritual beliefs and see if the existence (or non-existence) of God can be evaluated using my process. This is where DMT figures in.
( 2 ) HOW DOES DMT FIGURE IN?
You've probably heard many proclaim,
"Truth is relative" or
"There is no way to really discover the truth" to which I claim neither statement is accurate. In
EVERY SITUATION someone experiences in life, the truth is always present. It may be hidden, extremely complex or difficult to uncover, but the "Truth" regarding whatever it is in question is always present and just waiting to be discovered. Truth is not "relative" nor is it ambiguous or malleable. Truth is just the factual revelations of what we do not know at the time. How our universe came to be, why you and I exist, whether a Creator exists or everything came to be by natural events remains currently unknown, but the truth is available to us regardless. We just don't know what that truth is, where to look for it... or even how to look for it.
One of my process's requirements is that if an
information resource is available which can aid you in discovering the truth, then you are
REQUIRED / OBLIGATED to access it. Since information is limited in most of life's major decisions, then logic states you must always access any information that IS available.
Example: You find yourself facing a non-compete contract at work and you're deciding whether or not to sign it. The
truth is that an Attorney has
valuable information that you simply do not have in this regard. You may "think" that everything is fine, you know what you're doing and that you don't have to drop $500 on a lawyer, but the consequences of the money you saved on
not consulting a lawyer might result in your getting fired and not being able work in your field of expertise for the next two to five years. Was your $500 savings worth your $250,000 loss of ongoing employment revenue?
Spirituality: The most extreme application of my logical process involves re-evaluating my own spiritual beliefs from a completely neutral standpoint (i.e., "ZERO" - meaning, "No personal bias, prejudice or favoritism, etc." ). Along with re-exploring my own existence by way of science, nature, logic and mathematics I have also learned through research that DMT has the potential to
shed some light in this regard. From the many reports, studies and user testimonials I have reviewed, an argument can be made that DMT holds
valuable information in potentially discovering who we are, why we are here and exposing the realm of our existence. Since DMT does indeed hold this "potential" then (as stated before) I am required to explore it.
Below represents my accounts of my experiments with N,N-Dimetiltriptamin and how it relates to my quest for truth:
( 3 ) FIRST DMT EXPERIMENT 04/03/18:
When I first joined the DMT Nexus, I offered my first three questions about the effects of DMT (out of a series of nine) as this is how my logical process works. Since I had never used DMT before I had the opportunity to form these questions based on the research I had done prior to joining the forum. In addition, I could remain 100% neutral during each of my queries. Proceeding in this manner also provided me the greatest possible advantage for discovering the truth about this potentially mind-altering drug prior to using it myself. Unfortunately these questions were met with extreme resistance from several forum members who did not understand why I was doing this. I was unfortunately forced to simply give up and move on.
After achieving very limited success regarding my questions I decided that it was time to just go ahead and dive on in. I wish I would have had the opportunity to offer more questions prior to my experimentation, but the forum environment (and the nature of internet anonymity) was not conducive to my desire. Not only were these questions deemed important based on how my process works, but they would have also established if my pre-processing evaluation efforts were effective to the point where I can ask relevant questions regarding something I was yet to even experience. ...Whatever the case, my experiment proceeded onward.
CHOSEN ROA: I opted for a rather expensive vaporizing device known as a GVG
(Glass Vapor Genie) and a 40mg dose of FB DMT. No sense in wasting my time or using inferior equipment, so I went all out. Even so, I still did not discover what I was looking for.
The delicate nature of DMT crystals, my inexperience with vaping and the configuration of my GVG produced a rather "tame" DMT experience. Much of my DMT was destroyed via my poor vaping process, but many of the powerful effects of DMT were made very clear to me. One of the very first visuals I noticed was a strange Aztecan-type puzzle piece pattern that formed seconds after vaping. This "puzzle structure" seems to always appear prior to any other visuals in subsequent vaping attempts. I have tried to recreate this puzzle in the image below. I attribute the development of this "puzzle pattern" to my subconscious "inward desire" to organize and apply structure to the things I encounter in order in order to make better sense of them:
What immediately followed was what felt to be a tidal wave of visual and mental information occurring at such a rapid pace that it was nearly impossible to focus on any specific object, image or shape. The majority of these strange images consisted of cleanly-structured geometric shapes and symbols reminiscent of what one might see if millions of playing cards flashed by your eyes in a brief, but steady stream. I also noticed an absolutely pure flat-white background to which all of these symbols and shapes seemed to be moving across - which I found very interesting. Applying Occam's Razor to what I had just experienced, I most likely psychologically created this phenomenon based on my many years as an artist and graphic designer. In my art, I always begin with a blank white surface and start adding color and shapes as I go.
Although my first attempts at DMT proved to be rather fruitless at uncovering the truth, I could
still tell there was much more to this substance than meets the eye. So far, nothing indicated that DMT was associated with anything "outside" of my own self. However, my logical process dictates that I must consider "all possibilities" regarding DMT, so I cannot reach a final determination at this point. Based on my first experiences, I found DMT to be nothing more than a quicker, high-powered version of LSD. What I was experiencing was the inner workings of my own mind made manifest in abstract shapes and forms. I was very impressed with DMT's ability to twist my own psyche in such a unique way, but I was skeptical if it would eve be able to shed any additional insight into the information I was seeking.
More experiments were obviously required.
( 4 ) SUBSEQUENT DMT EXPERIMENTS
I attempted several other freebase DMT vapes which produced better results, yet all failed to meet the criteria of what many have deemed as a "breakthrough experience." My prior experience with psychotropic compounds served as a guide for me to make this assessment. If DMT was allegedly deemed the most powerful hallucinogen known to man, then for me, it was clearly overrated. I had experienced LSD trips in my youth that provided far greater insight into my spirituality.
Insufflation Experiment 4/25/18: In an effort to discover just how much I was destroying by poorly vaporizing my DMT, I chose a rather unorthodox ROA known as Insufflation (snorting). I cleaned and processed a 110mg dose of finely-powdered freebase DMT and took it all in at once. This is absolutely NOT a method I would ever recommend someone attempt unless you really want to establish how badly your vaping methods are failing. Rather than restate everything that happened during this experiment, you can read it all in the following link
(Link to my Insufflated expereince).
What I will state in this post is that it was a truly remarkable experience! My previous assessment was that DMT was more likely just "inner reflections" of my own personality and that my own personal mindscape was simply being made manifest within me via complexly abstract hallucinations. I found myself totally reconsidering this assessment. There might be more to this DMT than previously thought? However, even with the dramatic effect that this single insufflated DMT experience had on me, I was still left "questioning" whether this was all merely manifestations of my own mind ...or if this was a reflection of something fare greater than my own self.
I think what I experienced during my insufflated DMT experience is what many might easily regard as a "breakthrough experience" but I could still tell that there was a lot more ground to cover in this regard. For someone with limited experience with psychotropic drugs this would have been considered overwhelming and a definite breakthrough. For me, I saw it as a dramatic improvement over my earlier attempts, but not a home run experience.
Although I did make a major connection with something I deemed as existing "outside of me" (which I found quite compelling), the connection wasn't strong enough for me to not file it under the nasty nemesis of reason known as
"Confirmation Bias." I still had my doubts, and (based on my logical process) when you are seeking the truth, nothing but the truth will suffice!
This profoundly greater insufflation experience prompted me to do some more extensive GVG research and work on how to generate a successful vaping session that could potentially surpass my rather "painful" insufflation route. I opted for using a very "light" Caapi leaf sandwich on top of six GVG screens along with smoking some Caapi leaf and powdered extract 1/2 hour prior to my next GVG vaping experiment. This sandwich method's only purpose was to prevent me from burning up my spice and preventing it from seeping through the screens. As you will discover in my next experiment,
...this proved to be 100% successful!
( 5 ) ACHIEVING BREAKTHROUGH LEVEL 4/30/18:
The common phrase,
"Be careful what you wish for!" was proven true based on this particular vaping experiment. Everything was carefully set in place, my GVG was meticulously loaded using tweezers and an eXacto knife to guarantee a perfect DMT/Caapi sandwich. I opted for a very high-end 85mg dose, but I was also compensating for the likelihood of yet another failed DMT intake. I was situated in my bedroom under a thin bed sheet on a rather warm night. I configured myself so that I could easily fall back into a safe and relaxed position after intake.
My first inhalation consisted of unusually thick white vapor. I instantly knew I had taken in exponentially more DMT in this one draw than anytime prior. Not to succumb to the mere appearance of success, I took a second draw after approximately 20 seconds of holding in the first. However, the effects of DMT were hitting so hard I had difficulty aligning my lighter to the opening of the GVG. I was able to take in another massive draw, but there was no possible way I was going to be able to draw a third. The instantaneous nature of the effects were so extensive that I simply fell backward.
The commonly-reported "crackling sound" and metal-like ringing was very prominent this time, but the speed of onset and brief duration did not match up with other people's accounts. My experience was clearly moving along at a far more rapid pace. Whereas before I could retain many of the visuals I encountered, this time the visuals were no longer a "separate occurrence" that could be potentially recreated later via my artwork. The visuals became a "unified element" of the entire experience. I cannot paint a shape I am observing when I've physically become the shape.
What proceeded to happen within my mind from this point forward is beyond all words, artistic expression and personal understanding. The transference of who I was into what I now found myself to be is utterly indescribable. Within literally
SECONDS there was no more "me" that I could establish. It was as if I was never actually in my bedroom nor did I ever exist as a human being at all. Where I found myself at that moment was my "true self" and I had been psychologically fabricating my human life as a inward fantasy all along.
I also felt that my imaginary human life was just one of an infinite number of "illusionary lives" to which I have been experiencing throughout eternity. I felt that I was jumping in and out of these "lives" at my own discretion. I could feel a part of my own self convincing myself that this was the truth ...and I did not like this "explanation" at all!
As the seconds passed, I kept trying to re-establish within me who I was, that I was merely on a DMT trip and not to worry, but I could tell the effects of DMT were just getting started. The "human me" and the "DMT me" were at war with each other trying to establish control. The battle was soon to be won by the DMT as the effects just kept on increasing in power. I was rendered powerless to fight whatever was happening to me and in my mind ...I had died. I grieved for the ones I had left behind and those who I had damaged during my life. I remember being ashamed for how they would discover my body and equally-ashamed for living a wasted life and leaving behind so much unfinished works.
This was a horribly terrifying experience and something anyone attempting this type of high-end dose should consider beforehand. I desperately wanted to go back and fix things, but it was simply too late. I was gone. The shame you feel for how you spent your life is emotionally unprecedented. However, my sadness and remorse was quickly overshadowed by what was heading straight toward me from all directions.
I had previously read many stories of jesters, spirit guides and "machine elves" that supposedly appear and I had witnessed much of what these probably represented in my previous DMT experiments, but absolutely none of this was to be found this time around. Instead, I was being subjected to a "power" that kept increasing and increasing in intensity so much so that I couldn't stand it. It was way too overwhelming. Although I was utterly terrified by it, I could tell it was not an evil or dark controlling power, but more like a "universal power" that possessed ultimate authority. I tried to look away but there was nowhere else to look. "Seeing" was no longer an option and it was all around me anyway. It was more like I was being absorbed or swallowed by it from all directions.
Just when I felt that I had reached the zenith of what this power represented it would magnify itself in even greater amounts of powerful. It kept doing this over and over in a steady stream and did so while swiftly approaching from all directions. It was without any recognizable shapes or forms as what we call "visuals" were all just tiny flowing parts of this immense power (almost like liquid glitter at this point). I had no eyes to shut nor could I turn away form its brilliance, so I became increasingly frightened. In writing this review, I do want to say that it DID have what we call "structure" but it was more like it was "all structure" and all happening at the same time. It formed endless structures within itself while never remaining in any single isolated recognizable form... which obviously makes it hard to define it as having structure.
Approaching Presence: I could sense something "else" was approaching me (or whatever I had now become) and it was approaching from the outer realms of this indescribable power. I can honestly state that there was no "giant sphere," cathedrals or anything mentioned in other people's DMT breakthrough accounts. None of this was present. This was of no describable shape or form - or of anything recognizable that I can use a human word to describe.
What compounded my fear was that I clearly sensed it was extremely angry with me. I could feel this anger becoming more apparent as it approached. It openly displayed its anger prior to its arrival by shredding everything I had ever questioned, berated and criticized regarding "life" with each passing moment. It did so through so many demonstrations of its raw unimaginable power which countered any criticisms I had held within me regarding life. There were conditions, states and events happening all around me that were simply not conceptually possible and this "power" was responsible for them all... and it was clearly angry!
I, like many others, have openly complained to the great beyond about the horrific levels of suffering we all experience during our lifetime. I have used isolated events in my life (and the horrible events of others) and used these as a basis for questioning whether our existence can in any way be considered by design. You know these questions. You've asked the same. We've all presented them to whatever it is that is responsible for our existence and we never seem to get a response. The arguments that Atheists have made over the past 20 years were deeply embedded within my heart as the logical nature held within me cannot deny their relevance. I now found my own "self" on the business end of these same types of questions which were now being hurled back at me from the outer reaches of this power. It was brutally judging me in the same way I had been judging "life" all along.
This power proceeded to humiliatingly crush every single criticism I have ever held within my heart and replaced them with its own criticisms of who I was, what I had become, what I had done with my life and how poorly and hatefully I had treated so many others. Mean spirited "little things" I had done in my youth that were long since forgotten were resurrected and thrown back into my face. As this power was approaching, drawing closer and closer, I realized that every criticisms I had ever levied at life had been turned around and used against myself by a level of authority to which I simply could not comprehend... and I felt so profoundly ashamed. I have no words for my level of shame.
I felt as if I was flailing around like a fly trapped in a spider's web trying to escape what was approaching me, but I was at the core of everything going on. It was all closing in on me so fast and I could tell there was no escape. I knew this "encounter" was inevitable and I will honestly state to you that I have never been more terrified in my entire lifetime. There is no higher level of absolute terror I can describe other than having to face this power that was now closing in on me at warp speed. It was not a fear of anything evil or destructive. In fact, it was the exact opposite! My fear was rooted in the profound level of inadequacy and utter shame I felt within my essence as it drew closer and closer.
( 6 ) THE ULTIMATE ENCOUNTER
Now, this next part is where I fully expect to lose many of you and I fully accept that this will happen. I am SURE I would do the same had this part been written by someone else. I know many theories, explanations and rationale will soon be posted to explain my experience and that's perfectly fine. You have every right to state such and I don't blame you. I know what I experienced and I have no reason to embellish or misrepresent what happened. All I can do is state what happened as far as I can understand it and leave it at that.
The beauty of DMT (an why I
"liked" it) is that you can maintain a relatively clear and distinct level of normal consciousness throughout your entire experience. You aren't made to feel "dopey" like with other drugs. You remain exactly who you are - you're just located somewhere else. So what I am about to state right now on the Nexuse is what I believe to be the 100% absolute truth regarding what happened to me. My entire life is founded on discovering the truth, so living my life based on a lie would simply be pointless. Based on this, I continue on:
As this power drew upon me, I helplessly tried to conceal my shame but it was too late. The source of this power had arrived! To put this in more understandable human terms, everything else that had happened prior to it's arrival was tantamount to the brisk breeze you feel just before a massive thunderstorm strikes. Whereas I thought the "extreme levels of power" I was experiencing represented the full embodiment of this power, it was actually nothing more than a small introductory prelude to its true nature.
I would be a fool to attempt to describe what I encountered during this unprecedented moment. I'm sorry, but really can't. I'd give anything to be able to do so, but I just don't know how to describe it. I could never paint this experience on a canvas as I wouldn't even know where to start. It's something that you cannot experience in that unfathomable "dimensionless realm" and accurately represent in any tangible way when you're back in our physical 3-dimensional world. All I can really do is "know" that I experienced it and (unlike Descartes) trust that my own intellect is present in discovering this truth and that I am not deceiving myself.
At the peak moment of this ultimate encounter, the massive and explosive nature of its power blast through me like infinite beams of light energy disintegrating me into something other than I what I was before. What I witnessed was the "unbelievable" made "believable" in a single indescribably intense moment of infinite perfect existence.
Now, I want to be perfectly clear on what I'm about to state. I instinctively shouted out "two words" when I encountered the source of this power and I don't want this to be confused with anything other than how I intended them at the moment. I did not shout out what I did out of "recognition" but rather as one might shout out when they are suddenly taken aback and overwhelmed with something totally unimaginable (like if you just saw a hydrogen bomb go off in your back yard).
(Continued in next post) "You going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?"