sparkedminds wrote:...so I didn't end up in the desired place...
As long as you keep this projecting a certain thing, tons of disappointments will follow. One must simply drop all expectations. You are entering a treatment, a session, any pre-orientation will make it very difficult, very very difficult. I even suggest dropping this whole idea of breaktrough completely. If it ever comes it will do it out of its own intellect, not yours, in time. Just surf the wave that present itself and if it is fear then surf that fear, then this is the lesson for the moment. Fear is not wrong, not the enemy, not to avoid, it can only wear itself out and it will do so given patience and a friendly smile, practice, it is an obstacle to get to know til it's just fear only, a bombastic pretension living on the gravity you endorse it with. It's a growing process. It will never go away but can loose all its former charade gradually. It's just an "effect" , it's just that. Like a spasm. Train yourself in relaxing that spasm. Then you can go further to whatever is on the path and whatever is presenting. Easier said than done but doable, a road that has ups and downs like with everything. Don't give up, don't blame this or that too easily. And take these lessons back in "real" life. It pays off BIG time
I agree with finding a smoking method that suits you best, but from here I have a faint impression that you blame the smoking method one notch too much. Maybe I'm wrong.
Start low on dose and build up slowly, give yourself some credits on this one.