I figured since I've been doing this work for what feels like a small eternity even though it's about a week I'd write about some of my journeys.

There And Back Again, a Wannabe Shaman's Tale

The Light is radiant and intense. I think I'm starting to feel strange. So familiar and warm. My cat is smiling at me and I think I know why. The Cat is Shaman; Shaman is Dude. What is this feeling?
As I looked up at the sky out the window across from my seat, I hear the pitter patter of rainfall. Tonight will be a night of important work, but eternity feels so far away. Why is time taking so long?
I step out on the back porch in my shaman's robe/blanket/awesome thing and I look to the sky. It is light outside and I am feeling radiant energy pouring through me. The nausea is overwhelming and as I reflect on the last few journeys, and the journey up until now, I realize I've been thinking so wrong about so many things.

My first two mouthfuls were so disgusting. As I brewed the pot, I mixed in some cider vinegar and then I took two good drinks and was instantly rebuffed. I vomited after 3 minutes, but the lights started changing and my thoughts got slow and stupid and I was blabbering. I went to sit down in my chair and think and listen to some music. The trip was not intense, but the cleansing was. I was able to channel the space like before from many blast offs. I forgot what this feeling was. I reflect on this as I stand on the porch gazing at the stars. It's been a long time getting here but I finally feel the love. The love I've been missing and refused to acknowledge all this time.

I reflect on my most recent journey, but time is kind of wrapped into one big package now. I am whole and complete again. Our Body is Light; We are Eternal. Our Body is Love; We are Immortal.
Bathing in the Mer-ka-ba I silently await instruction. I cleansed my body, my home, my soul, and helped those around me see a new side of themselves. They are broken now, but time shall heal them. As they reflect with somber countenance, I rejoice in their healing. I trance out and enter that timeless, immortal place once more.
"I have passed unto Olympus, as was told in tales of old, to the city of Immortals, marble white and purest gold..." I hear as Rush plays Cygnus X-1 Book ii: Hemispheres
"I see the Gods in battle rage on high, thunderbolts across the sky
I cannot move, I cannot hide
I feel a silent scream begin inside"
The sky is shaking and I feel the Immortals raging over the souls below. I feel trapped inside this song, as I listen, I see and understand. I listen to the sounds of nature all around me, and I know I am not alone in this space. Love is around me.
The song plays out as I ponder over another journey I had.

I wake up on the couch and I am shaking. Where have I gone? Where was I? Oh no, I'm falling into this space again. In silence, I begin to hear the drums of the immortals pounding in my head. Or is that my heartbeat?
I see my cat on the counter looking at me with a knowing glance and I fall asleep again...

"Then all at once the Chaos ceased; a stillness fell, a sudden peace
The Warriors felt my silent cry and stayed their struggle, mystified...."

"Why are you in this space? Do you know what you ask?"

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," I cry, "my hubris, shamans of old, O Ancients among the trees
I am not yet ready for this. The path is long and I am tired and weary, for I knew not what I asked for."

"Good answer," they say and as I begin to feel my tiny, quivering body dissolving, I wake up again shaking and on the verge of tears and my cat nods at me as if to welcome me back. Her face morphs and I see the trickster, the timeless Pan starting at me, as if to say "Hello old friend."

Down, down I fall as my eyelids close.

I see a vision of the mother, and as I feel the energy of the feminine, I see every woman, the Lover, the Daughter, the Sister, the Girl Next Door, all of these overwhelm me as I feel a stirring, but a shame for the feelings I feel, but I only want love, but why do I want her so badly? Who is this? My Anima takes on all forms, as I tumble through the womb of the cosmos. I become aware of my body, reaching out to feel myself embryonically, a tendril of energy, and as I emerge and begin to feel whole again, I am awake and back on the porch still staring at the sky with my eyes closed.

This space is the same space, full of all that love and all that warm energy from the Sun God from the dream I just remembered.
There is no fear, only love.
Infinite love.
As I sit in the bottom of the shower under the water, chanting and feeling Kundalini move through me Mother smiles at me as I reach out to her, but there I am again in this space. Why are all of these trips one trip? I've taken this medicine how many times now? I feel flashbacks, but why?
It's all a dream...
Row, row, row your boat.
"A child's song stuck in my head, telling me life is but a dream
I spent so many years in question to find I've known this all along"

Thumpthump... thumpthump...
I begin to weep as I look to the sky. I just got out here after drawing my visions in the back room. They were watching That 70s show and Eric was meeting with his spirit guide after his breakup with Donna (oh come on, is that even a spoiler now? they're the quintessential story).
Oh my God... I understand now... Love is eternal. Love transcends these labels of boyfriend and girlfriend, of sex and no sex, of all these. But then I always knew that. Why is it just now occurring to me?
Thank you, Mother. I Love you. No, I am Love. We are Love. Our Body is Light. Our Body is Love. You know... you know you know. You have always known... you have always known you have always known.
...but I still have so many questions!