PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Usual nervousness.
(physical condition) Set: Slight cold coming on, was somewhat unsure if I would go.
Setting (location): Home, indoors, sofa duvey, dim lighting.
time of day: 21:45
recent drug use: A cider at lunch time.
last meal: Thai chicken and rice.

PARTICIPANT
Gender: m
body weight: 75kg
known sensitivities: none
history of use: intermediate, perhaps still new. 20ish trips.

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): Freebase DMT, fine cream crystals.
Dose(s): 40mg
Method of administration: VapirRise with liqud pad into a bag, then inhaled from there.


EFFECTS
Administration time: 21:45
Duration: 5-10 mins (probably only a couple in the breakthrough)
First effects: Buzzing crystalisation of surroundings
Peak: 0:01:00 - 0:03:00? Hard to track time at this point
Come down: 0:05:00 approx
Baseline: probably within 15 mins

Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes:


OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 4
Implesantness: 0
Visual Intensity: 4


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 4 complete contentment and elation for a few hours. Still glowing today


REPORT

I think this may complete the set of my trip reports, it feels like the end of a journey – although it’s not the end, and this isn’t the trip where it ended. This is a very long report – ended up being a life story to put it in context, but I can’t say what I need to say with just a description of some visuals or a short message. Context is needed, and the concept communicated I am not sure I can really explain anyway, but I will try.

If you want to get to the meat, you can probably skip background section, and possibly the previous journeys. But if the rest makes no sense come back up here.

Background
Recently I became sad, I had always known there was more. As a child I could read others thoughts sometimes and “know” things that were about to happen. At school I used to do a card trick with friends, pick a card, and shuffle it back in and I would find it. Guess the number someone was thinking. It wasn’t a trick – I could feel the card, and sense the number. So ending up middle aged and deeply engrossed in normal life I felt the loss, these skills were gone, forgotten. Almost not believed any more. In retrospect, my Dad taking me to TM classes when very young may have been part of the causes of my early connections with such things.

I was a physicist once, I thought that the answers to the universe were there in academia. Academia was a game in itself and not really the fastest way there, a quick way to get lost looking at some small detail. Don’t get me wrong, Science is great, it is the most powerful magic we collectively have.

Then I looked towards people, and started looking into psychology and got into a marketing related career but got lost in my own game, work, life, kids.
The magic was now felt trying to come back when I was on holiday and separated from the daily grind, but my intellect and culture told me we lived in a mechanistic universe with no place for such things.

When the sadness became so deep, I didn’t know why. Before it kicked in I’d started reading some books about folklore, and I think on some level these had reminded me of the magic of my past – triggering the need to move. I grasped this feeling and deepened the research which led me to DMT.
This was my favourite book on my journey, and I highly recommend it:
Daimonic Reality, Field Guide to the Otherworld

It hints but draws no conclusions, it’s sort of a case of thinking, what if all these human experiences are worth listening to rather than just trying to explain away as delusion. Putting them all together from fairy folk, to UFOs, to mystery social workers and seeing one pattern.

I’ve also followed the stories of some others more recently, and the next I would recommend is Rupert Sheldrake. Listen to this guy, he knows – and if he is right then in a hundred years’ time he may be seen as the Darwin of our time. Turns out he was a very close friend of Terrence McKenna, I think perhaps he may have been on our journey too!

Anyway, I found the nexus, and learned what I must do.

I’ve been using spice for a few months now, or it has been using me?... My approach has been investigative. What is this thing, is it real? What knowledge can it give me?

The Previous Journeys

There is no reason to go through all the journeys in detail, I want to recount this specific one to you – but it’s worth talking about the progressive nature from a beginner to where I am now (which is still on beginner steps, I don’t think we ever leave those!). But it is necessary to tell the story.

My first trips were all with a 10” bong, the bubbling sound still evokes great memories, light cream fine spice crystals on parsley. I’ve never done changa or any harmala.( I tried extracting from Caapi vine, but got some strange powder that is not active.)

From the beginning I have had a need for complete silence and reduced sensation when going in. I once tried music, but it just seemed to ruin the pure deep intense experience, grounding it at lower levels. Also closing eyed and using a blindfold as soon as possible, never been interested in the warping of the real world – once tried it – but again it left me too grounded and I never left or had any insight from that.

To start off with on my first experience I brought very little back, just a feeling, but it blew me away and 3 weeks was spend contemplating this and the now (permanently?) altered me.
From then on the visits developed, complex visuals were seen and sacred geometry became very significant to me. The path has been interesting though. To begin with it was shallow, and nothing to do with the amount taken – it’s like it only takes you as deep as you can take – unless you push it.

I likened it to being in such a different reality that the parts of my brain needed to interpret it were not there yet and needed to be developed. It was like being near a tree and looking at it and touching it but having no mental frame of reference. You can feel the bark, see the trunk and leaves above you but have no conception of what this crazy thing is, and you just stare and stare and say “wow! What is this?”

After a few visits you can chunk the info. That feeling in your hands and the brown textured stuff is bark, the green bits and all their info – they are leaves. Then you can go deeper.

I pushed it with intent and volume of dose on my 4th, combined with learning to sandwich! It felt like a hyperslap. This is the first, last and only time I had a negative experience, because I wasn’t ready to let go and fully submit. Nails dug into the sofa trying to hold on to me. It was 3 weeks or so before I regained the courage to return. Once I got over that, it’s all been great since – can’t promise I won’t have new barriers or slaps in the future, but this in itself was a lesson – like learning to swim by being thrown in the deep end.

I wanted to try changa, but for whatever reason the universe was not forthcoming. That said I now have no need to reduce the intensity of freebase, so perhaps this was meant to be my current path.

This Journey

I was asking some personal questions about my life, these are not important to this story oddly – especially as any answer is not relevant to anyone else.

My last couple of trips had been odd (aren’t they always, but it was a related oddness), I’ve reported some of it regarding a desire to reach the “blue”. But strangely it has come to feel like hyperspace is home, the feeling of acceptance and belonging – although no deep meaning or message came from those visits, except one where I was told to empty my mind and fully let go. I have been working on meditation, can’t say as I am as good as I once was as a child, but I think it is helping.

I truly do not think that specifics of visuals are important, they are in a way symbolic communication that speaks to us, and one thing will look one way to one person and another to someone else. Meaning is the importance, but here are the outlines for those that are interested. This is my experience, not obviously any definition of objective layers that others will see.
The first layer is geometric lines on a dark background, two dimensional and clearly just things behind your eyes.

The next layer these become more 3d, complex and filled out. I still know who and what I am, and my mind is concerned with this world, which i can still sense with my body.

Then there are the fractal solid layers, all real solid appearing objects, and shapes. I should say subjects, because this material is always the subject. At this point I am pretty out of touch with physical reality, the images are definitely no longer on the back of my eyes. What are eyes anyway?

Then, lastly (so far) for me is the blue. Like a blue sky on a summers day – at first seeming like a sky contrasting to the material, but when closer in encloses has structure and can itself form – I’m hazy here as I would rather not commit to more whilst human. Whilst here though it was reality, no illusions about that, I recall thinking about how odd it was that I could have doubted it from the other reality (here).

This last visit was the one where I brought back a message for myself to make sense of it. And this is what it seemed to say:

When I was there, in the blue – it was like being in a family house. At home, safe – there were other things going on, it was great! I cannot recall or now understand the things I did there – but I remember thinking briefly of my life here, and also finding it difficult to comprehend this world.

But I did remember that I wanted to take something back.

Eventually my time there came to an end, it did not seem rushed, I could have been there days but I can recall little of it only feelings and some visual snippets.

One of my friends came back with me as I drifted away and coalesced back to this reality, he “pulled faces” in a parody of how he sees this world and we both laugh at the joke.

It’s crazy squeezing everything we are into this tiny world, and the ridiculousness of physical solidity and the worries, hormones and physical constraints in this game that control us. The relationship between us was interesting, he was as close as a brother or best friend, family – but if I never see him again it doesn’t matter or I just have no concept of not seeing him again should I wish. Also I was like him, we were the same.
Here is what I learned:

Symmetry

“There” looks crazy from “here”, “here” looks crazy from “there”.

We are far bigger than the selves in this world.

There are lots of layers between here and there. I saw them as I went past, there is more meaning to be gained from these in-between levels. On the way towards the blue, I saw a female entity in a room (it was the sort of dark with geometric lines phase, she was as much the room as in it) who was ready to answer my personal questions – but I shot straight past! We can more easily interpret and understand the messages in the middle ground. So if I want to learn more about this world and/or applicable to this world then lower doses and not so much depth is probably needed.

I will always return there, and I belong there, for some reason I am here.

Things there do not seem to matter here and vice versa. But I think they probably affect each other on a level which is not really comprehendible in either place. Perhaps the middle grounds shows that, and it is the mechanism by which the two ends communicate – dunno, definitely more to discover about that.

Can’t say there are not higher levels, or lower levels – but I’ve not seen them yet.

I get mixed up calling there out or in, it’s both as is here.

Questions

The entity that followed me back, Is it separate to me when I am up in the blue? TBH I could not say that anything is separate there.

Did I come back to the same person here? What here was and who I was only clarified slowly when returning, I could simply have joined this life fully formed yesterday, or I could have started from someone else yesterday and now be here. Funny thing is I don’t really think it matters.

I find myself asking the very same question after nearly every deep journey. At first I found it very worrisome. But eventually, like yourself, I've concluded that it doesn't make the slightest difference in the world.