After years of searching and “failed” extractions, the molecule finally presented itself to me, though not in the way I would expect.
This report is more for my own use, as writing things down is the easiest way for me to remember my experiences, especially recent ones. But feel free to chime in! Especially if you have ever purged off smoked DMT yourself or have experienced similar heart sensations. Please excuse any typos, grammatical errors, and lack of sufficient vocabulary to properly express what we have all felt.
Having so little DMT, I wanted to make the most of it, so I smoked 1.5g of whole Syrian Rue seeds through a bong before ingesting the deems. The setting was my shed in the backyard, right by my garden. I had wanted to indulge the night before, but my father was still awake and though I am slowly changing his opinions on entheogenic medicine I really, really did not want to deal with an encounter with anyone while in that state. Oddly, after going to sleep, my body clock woke me up at 4.20AM in the morning. I am not exaggerating here, and all my alarms for 4.20 were disabled. As this has never happened to me before this was as much a sign as I needed so I ran outside in my PJ’s, got comfy and started smoking the rue seeds and engaging in light meditation. It was 5.30AM before I was “ready” to ingest. I’ll write my trip down with a timeline, for easier reading, but keep in mind the timeframe is largely guessed. I don’t like to focus on the time when I take psychedelics as it can be highly distracting for me.
5.25AM: Loaded my homemade, glass vape (large pipette with copper wool inside) with 20mg DMT and a tiny pinch of cannabis, as I didn’t trust myself not to burn the spice.
5.30: Held a bic lighter (found my torch lighter today) close to the opening of my pipette, and inhaled softly. The flame barely budged, so I pulled a bit harder which caused the flame to pull in to the pipe. I immediately put out the lighter and inhaled what was in the pipe; it left a burnt, stinging sensation on my lips as it passed them. My head/hearing started buzzing and my eyes got a bit playful, but I had experienced this on crude Acacia extracts already and was yearning for more. I figured this was the threshold experience, and that seemed consistent with my dose.
5.35: Not believing there was much left in the pipe, I lit it up again and this time inhaled quite a bit harder. I immediately tasted the spice vapour on my lips and tongue and knew I was gonna get it this time. I put the pipe down and closed my eyes. Straight after I felt an urging, or a pulling, or some other sort of physical calling and moving. There was a well of euphoria building up in my mind and heart that was so pure and logical, and I knew I was “going”. My sight was flashed with brilliant and very bright colours with no real pattern. And this is where it gets interesting.
5.40: I noticed a strange feeling of dying. Knowing now how that feels I understand I had never truly been afraid to die before this. If I could move, I would have been crying and wailing. But wait… I could move! This became apparent because out of the blue and very, very suddenly, my mouth filled with vomit! I barely felt it coming at all; the warning was 1-2 seconds, max. I ran outside and purged, and purged, and purged. I vomited for 4-5 minutes and during that time the fear of death absolutely surrounded and engulfed me. As if that WAS my time and there was nothing I could do about it…but there was an odd serenity about the whole situation too; as if even through the absolute fear of death, I was able to stay completely calm. I don’t know how to describe it with words. I also noticed I was forgetting to breathe during the purge, and I had to become physically aware of every breathe I took to make sure I ACTUALLY TOOK IT. The purging itself was not unpleasant. In fact, it was the most pleasing vomit I have ever experienced. I tasted no bitter bile or digested food, and the vomit flew out of my mouth quite smoothly. But upon full emptying of my stomach, I was absolutely shattered and exhausted and layed in the grass for some moments, trying to recoup. I was not scared by this experience, and not once did the thought cross my mind that the DMT was doing this to me and that I had to “get out”. I felt entirely positive about the experience actually, especially after regaining the ability to breathe automatically.
5.50: I walked/stumbled to my garden bed, and stood by my tall corn plants. I thought my focus and attention would devour the sight of my own vegetables, but instead I was fixated on the slowly-brightening sky. The sun had only just started to rise, and it created the most beautiful hue and gradient of blue I have ever seen. Very similar to how sunsets look to me on psilocybin, but with an ethereal quality to it that only the spice can give. It looked so cosmic and AWESOME, truly awesome; the clouds were flying at speeds that seemed absolutely impractical but completely acceptable at the same time, all the while forming elaborate shapes and patterns for my mind to recognise (the infinity symbol was one formation I definitely remember seeing). I fell to my knees and sobbed joyful, thankful tears at the beauty and direction that is our world.
5.55: It was now that I started feeling ‘vibrations’. I wasn’t sure what they were at first. I stood up, and I could feel my heart beating incredibly hard; not fast, but very very hard. I felt my blood pumping and thumping at a very high pressure, travelling from my heart to all my limbs and appendages like organic clockwork. I focused on the feeling for a few minutes and it grew stronger and stronger, to the point of legitimately terrifying me. I stared into the clouds again to calm me down, and the beautiful sky turned my attention away from my heart and veins and onto the fact that I was shivering; A LOT! It was a shiver that felt as if it was coming from inside of me, and gradually increasing as I stared into the clouds. The shiver was causing my body to sway and my hips to bend involuntarily, and I wound up “pulsing” (imagine a standing human interpretation of a fish swimming upstream) like this for 5-10 more minutes. It was beginning to feel very strong and “otherworldy” to me and unfortunately this scared me, so I stopped focusing on the sensation. But I remember feeling like my body was bound to a very heavy rhythmic drum (heartbeat) and moving in time with it, flowing and thumping in perfect unison with my self.
6:00: Visuals have for the most part subsided. There is still a shimmering to every object I look at, but now my mind is far more focused on integration and processing what just happened. I headed back in to the shed to sink a cone of cannabis and tobacco: it was absolutely revolting to me, and I am a daily toker unfortunately. The taste, smell and effect of it all seemed “wrong” and there were none of the usual pleasant effects from THC. I went to sleep 10 minutes later quite easily and had my first lucid dream (that I can remember) last night, though I have been practicing for a while so this may be coincidence.
DMT was not at all what I thought it was, and for that I am so grateful. I needed to be shown that even though I humbly know a lot about psychedelics and their effects, there is SO much more that I have not seen or experienced and it is dangerous to feign knowledge. My trip also rekindled the immense curiosity I have for DMT and hyper space, and through that reinvigorated me on my search for sustainable alkaloid sources.
I still have 30mg left, so my plan once I have fully integrated this experience is to drink 2g of Syrian Rue tea and vape 30mg + whatever’s left in my pipe. For all I know, I may have only vaped 5mg! This experience happened this morning and I am yet to check the copper wool for any more. I am nearly certain this will result in a breakthrough if I am ready for it, and I look forward to that day immensely.
I hope you enjoyed reading! The experience seemed to be over so quickly compared to other psychedelics which made visuals hard to describe and focus on, but the insight and pleasure gained from it are easily equal or more.