Last night I rigged together a bamboo pipe with a metal bowl and steel wool as my own version of "the machine."
I didn't have a scale and so I tried to eyeball what I thought was a 15mg dose. I smoked it, and man were the visuals pleasant! Nothing out of this world though. I knew I needed to take more to really blast off the way I have heard it described.
Tonight I went to a friends house who has a suitable scale and measured out 40mg and packed it into my bowl. I took a first hit to melt the spice, and then took 3 or 4 consecutive hits following, until i was in fear of taking another hit because by that point shit got wild! With my eyes open it was reminiscent of a very heavy shroom trip.
Then I closed my eyes and almost immediately forgot that I had a body. I started speeding off through a tunnel that I can only describe as being composed of seemingly unorganized, interlocking, very bright Tetris blocks. At this point I began to feel as if I was dying.
I was very anxious but reminded myself that I had just taken the most powerful psychedelic known to man. It was at this point I became nauseous, but not due to the fact I thought I was dying, it was almost like having the spins when you get too drunk. I have a pretty weak stomach.
I did not want to puke, I did not want to die. Soon a figure materialized out of the Tetris block tunnel but this figure was not distinctly separate from the tunnel:
While all the other whizzing spinning blocks were random colors, in the center of my vision a series of them all turned green and looked like the mosaic of the silhouette of a woman. This green mosaic silhouette was stopping me from progressing onward.
I felt that if I gave in to the nausea I was feeling, and the feeling of dying, she may have materialized as a more pronounced being and I would have entered a different place, one that wasn’t a spinning whizzing Tetris tunnel. I made the choice then and there that I must open my eyes and tell my friend I was nauseous (it was strange that only at that very moment did I realize that opening my eyes was even an option!)
So I did exactly that and came down in a matter of seconds and the nausea passed almost instantly. I regret not keeping my eyes closed for only a bit longer. Regardless of not breaking through this was definitely the single most intense trip I've ever experienced.
Questions:
Was opening my eyes a mistake? Being only my second time vaping spice, I do not know what a break through is like, but I felt like I was at the barrier.
Was it just time for the dmt trip to be over or was it really my choice to end it short because I feared getting sick?
Was the nausea just part of the feeling of dying?
When I feel ready to enter that state of mind again, what can I do to avoid the nausea?
How can I more easily accept the feeling of death?
Do you have to close your eyes to feel the full effects of spice?
Will breaking through and experiencing all of the wild things I've read about fundamentally make me a different person? I know I'm clinging to my ego here, but I want to pursue being a computer engineer, I want to have a family one day, and I want take part in society. I have a lingering fear that DMT use might send me on a trip when I finally break through that might change these life goals I have.
I have so many questions, it was such an intense experience, and in all of the forums I've been through doing my research on spice, this one seems to be the best place to find good answers. Sorry for the lengthy post, and if you find it in yourself to ease my mind with some knowledge, bless you, kind soul.