Hello everyone. I am very new to this place. And what I really hope to find here, is comfort of some sort, and ideas, and experiences. And I guess I will start with mine. Thank you in advance for anyone who reads this. And to anyone who can help me. 9 days ago, my first love of 6 years passed away on me. She was 24 years old, and overdosed on heroine. About 3 days after that, I remembered I had about a half g of hyper dust left. So I started to research into it more before blasting off. I read many things like talking to other beings and all these answers people were taking from it and the comfort people were feeling from their experience. Well I could find nothing concrete about seeing loved ones. So I started off slow. Not knowing what dosage to really take and the first 3 times I did not go far enough. I even keep a journal of my trips now. Well yesterday I think was the day. I loaded a huge one and in my lungs it went. My journey was unlike anything I have read.

Its very hard to describe as most of you know so please bare with me.

I took one huge hit. My lungs felt of fire for a few seconds but I managed to hold it in. In seconds as I layed back, time just seemed to slow wayyyy down. The first thing I remember is staring eyes open into my ceiling. It turned into pure white light, and I can't remember what, but I saw something in the middle of the light. (when i came back my friends told me I looked dead. that for the first 45 seconds I was in, my eyes were as still as they have ever seen) What happened next was where things got really interesting. I can not remember what place I was in. It felt like I was outside, but inside all these colors. What I saw was like tribes people. You know the ones with grass skirts and bead necklaces and pierced faces type people. And they were dancing what seemed to be all around me. But with such grace and symmetry. And that's when I saw her. I saw my loves face, and felt her warmth. Now I do have to say it looked like her but it looked like so many others at the same time. But I still got the feeling of it being her soul? And she was one of the people dancing and then I focused solely on her. (which was weird for me because I had forgotten why I was there and was merely observing everything) She was beckoning me with her finger. Like the come here sign people do to each other. She kept her face but changed into a lion of sorts. and back into the dancing her. I wish I could remember more but it is so hard to remember everything. When I came back I was aware of my surroundings, and I had this unreal feeling of deja vue. Like I had done the exact same thing at some point in time. My friends saw I was back and tried talking to me but I was still so far I could't make words yet. And that's all I can remember properly. (also no words were spoken the entire time. I did not hear anyone, nor did I try and talk to anyone)

My issue now is my brain is fighting me on what I saw. My being wants to believe I really did see her, and the comfort and love I felt while seeing her, felt very very real. But my mind is telling me "you created it because you wanted to see it" So I am so stuck on if what I saw was my mind playing tricks on me. Or if I really did see her in some form in hyperspace. I thought I would find comfort in seeing her. And I did while I was there. But now I'm not sure if what I saw was real, or an illusion created by what I wanted most of all.

Any input is greatly appreciated. I would love to hear what you guys have to say about this experience. If you want to know more about me or more info to help guide me just ask. I will answer anything I have to. But besides that I just want to hear what you guys think.

I will be back in hyperspace. There is a lot I want to know and a lot I feel like I'm missing in my life. And I also want to see her again. Even if its for only a minute.

Hello!

First of all, you have my deepest condolences for the loss of your girlfriend/wife. What a tragic event! I sincerely wish you the best in your attempts to cope with such tremendous grief. Stay strong!

Nobody truly understands what hyperspace is or what its true purpose is. In my opinion, it was both things you mentioned. A bit of brain trickery and a bit of honest-to-god truth. If you felt her presence there than maybe it was her in some other space/time/dimension. At the same time, your longing to see her could easily find its way into your trip and manifest what appears to be her.

It could be your mind trying to find ways to deal with such an emotional and stressful event. Just keep in mind that DMT does not hold all the answers. It is a "key" into the deepest parts of our minds. You still have to put the key in and then be willing and able to comprehend what is shown to you. Not everything you see will have a profound meaning but it can open up your perception in ways unimaginable.

So was it her? I couldn't tell you.

Will you see her again in the DMT world? I couldn't tell you that either.

The only way to see is to "smoalk moar" if you feel so inclined.

But anyway...have a nice day!

It means more to me than you know to get a response. Thank you both so much. And trust me I am clinging to what I saw. I literally cried when I was back because of how I felt and what I had seen. And part of me thinks it was real. And part of me thinks like you said, that maybe it was imprinted in my mind and worked its way in. But regardless, I am so grateful I felt and saw her, even if it was in hyperspace. And for blaming myself. I have been doing a lot of that. She had gotten out of rehab 5 days before it happened. And I was supposed to pick her up the day before. But I blew it off. Now I just feel so much guilt. And someone told me all things happen for a reason. And i'm trying to hold on to that also. But I can honestly say, my brain is like no one elses. But no ones is right? And I have questioned life since I was old enough to do so. And this has kick started me into searching for answers.

I know it must be tough but feeling guilty is only natural. Remember, it is not your fault. She was an adult woman fully capable of making her own decisions. But perhaps try thinking of it this way:

She is free now and in a better place. Free from the hardships of life. Free from addiction. Death is just another stage of life that we all must face someday. Honestly, the only thing that will truly help you get over this is time itself. Roll with the punches that life throws your way, my friend. It will make you stronger.

Also, please remember that this site is a powerful and amazing place. If you are feeling down about anything at all, there is almost always someone on the chat who would be more than happy to have a friendly conversation (some people will even trip sit with you via chat). I don't go on there much except to lurk for interesting topics but it is a resource that you can utilize. Or, if threads are more to your liking, people will help you that way too.

(With Ubizdom being gone, some of these posts seem a bit out of context... )

What do you mean? If it is real to you what does it matter what others think? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, aren't they? We don't know, nor can we fully explain what happens in a psychedelic experience. Everyone will interpret their experiences differently. I hope you find what you are looking for, man!

I don't know if my experiences are real. I only hope that they are. And everyone says that time will heal me. But time isn't going to bring her back. And time will never keep her off my mind. I am looking highly into ayahuasca. But I have a hard time believing in anything. I only have hope. And chatting with other people who feel the same as me, or just want to talk to me would be very helpful. I just need answers. And no one on earth has them.

First of all, I do think that these experiences are real. They are very real to me. All I was saying is to look at both sides. I can't take a slice of hyperspace and put it in my hand and show it to you and vice versa. But we can both experience it. Shouldn't that make it real enough? Not to everyone.

I am also not sure if your comments were directed at me or Errly Bird or just in general but I have plenty of experience and my opinions are most definitely not slowing down evolution.

Also it is a bit hypocritical of you to talk down to people (if that's what you were doing...I'm still trying to interpret exactly what you are trying to convey) who think that maybe hyperspace isn't a real/tangible/physical place but then you go on to say that you're very cautious about validating things. And then you mention that you don't believe in ghosts (for the record, I don't know what to believe about ghosts etc.). There are plenty of supposed accounts of people experiencing the so-called supernatural and they sure do believe that that is real. Are they wrong for believing that?

You can even take it one step further and ask Is God real? Is your God the same God as mine? What if you don't have a God at all or were never taught to believe in such things? Who knows...and we will never truly know.

The problem is we can't prove or disprove any of it. It is a circular discussion that leads nowhere. That is why there are a few good threads on this matter. What is "real" is very subjective to each individual human. Someone with schizophrenia, for instance, sees and hears things that we, as so-called "normal" humans don't see or hear or feel. Therefore we dismiss these things as "not real" and these people as being crazy but from the schizophrenic's point of view, all those things are very very real. Just keep in mind, man, I am not trying to argue with you, I am merely pointing things out, just as you did. I think we are actually more on the same page than either of us realize.

(sorry errly bird for going off topic a bit)

Best wishes to both of you

-The Grateful One-

@EB
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, sending some strength your way mate
It is reasonable to assume that your recent DMT experience was exactly what was necessary for you to help the grief process along. I hope you find yourself again As the grateful one pointed out, the nexus is a wonderful place to find yourself

@UBizdom
Show some respect.

^^^

@TGO

I by no means come here to talk down to anyone. The exact opposite actually. I want to hear what everyone has to say. And just absorb every one's experiences and beliefs. I'm just on a journey to find out who I am. And where the woman I love is. I have been in the chat room on here. And lots of great people are talking to me. And my words about belief I'm not sure if I'm saying it the way I'm thinking it. The things I felt and saw there were very real. Especially the feelings. I have never felt a love more real than I did there. And I have never felt a terror more real than I did there. I only wish I was with her. That's it. I want to know where she is, and I want to be there.

Errly Bird,

I am deeply sorry for the confusion. I was directing that comment towards ubizdom. In no way, shape or form did I think you were talking down to anyone. You are on a good path and I want you to find the answers you seek.

Thank you so much. It seems harder everyday.

First off: I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss!

Your recount really moved me! Take this for what you will, I may be biased, as my beliefs tend to learn heavily towards the shamanistic side, but in that I think there is some validity to what you experienced. I'm curious to know your background information on "hyper dust" and of ayahuasca. Ayahuasca translates to vine of souls/the dead. Active ingredients of ayahuasca are harmala alkaloids and DMT. To me the tribal people in your journey seem like ancestor entities that with your recent and strong connection to your lost loved one perhaps facilitated a meeting. I also interpret the changing into a lion as saying, be strong, I'm taken care of, and DANCING! Again, this is what I'm interpreting and don't want to seem like an authority.

You may be interested in a wonderful movie called Renegade (Blueberry over seas). It's a psychedelic western about a man raised by natives after he flees an encounter with a man who shot his love interest. Later he's a sheriff of a frontier town and tries to be the bridge between people and the "savages". The man who shot his love returns looking for the natives "treasure" with some others with the same goal. From there I don't want to spoil the plot but I think you could find immense value in a viewing. Not to mention it's a great movie that the director partook in over 100 ayahuasca shamanic sessions as research. The two shamans are even in the movie (old guy in beginning and younger one.) The director, Jan Kounen, also made a documentary out of the 100 plus sessions called Other Worlds. Many "normals" down rate the movie as they see it "too weird". Those with our experience seem to hold it with high regard and great revere. If interested and need a source for the movie let me know.

Thanks again for your beautiful report and sorry again! May healing and comfort come.

Take care!

Thank you FloorFan. I like your way of seeing things. And I appreciate you sharing what you think about it with me. And I will try and find that movie sometime soon. If I can't I hope you can still source it for me in the future.

I guess I don't really get what you mean by my background information on hyperdust and aya. I have known about them for a long time. But was very scared to try it for the first time, because I was hyped up that it was a life changing experience. And it was. My girlfriend was the one I first ever did DMT with. That was maybe 2 years ago. I was very scared but I did it anyways. And comfort and peace like I have never felt before blanketed me. I used it maybe a couple more times after that until recently. And have been exploring what's going on in there. Oh and the DMT was powdered and I use a vapor rig like for dabs to smoalk it. I was actually wondering what the term for powder DMT is.

And as for aya. I have known about it for a long time but never put much thought into it until recently. I have heard in the past it can cure addiction and was a very powerful, and very long experience. Other than that I did not know much. But I have learned a lot more about it and am still learning every day. And I hope I can find peace within myself while I still am "alive" here on earth.

I'm so sorry about your loss. I have some experience with substance abuse and the despair it brings, so I feel for you.



Maybe it doesn't really matter if it was "real" or not. You experienced it, you have a memory of it happening; perhaps that's enough.

I was asking about you informative history to see if you knew of it's shamanic history/origin as that's the direction my interpretation/comment was headed. Also, the movie I mentioned is very much in that same vein of interpretation of hyperspace being the spirit realm of ancestors and beings and, well, spirits. A great general term is entities. Many don't believe it's anything more than neurons firing is crazy abnormal patterns. I find this hard to believe with the amount of info that seems to surge from a seemingly separate/external source while in hyperspace. Not to mention reports of telepathy, out of body experiments and such. I find much of quantum physics, shamanism, and hyperspace to go hand in hand in tentacle.

Do you know of torrents for downloading things? I can PM you a link to the movie.

Powdered DMT is called DMT crystals as that is what they actually are. I've also seen it called fluffy white stuff, or spice, or snow globe (when precipitate out in a jar or glass) or many other names. Tiny little broken down crystals, like how sugar and salt are crystals (not to be confused with DMT in salt form, even though those are crystals too.) Someone correct me if I'm wrong on this as I'm not the most knowledgeable on this by any means.

Glad you are here and hope your coping is going well. Thoughts and well wishes go out to you!

Perhaps consciousness is outside of time, and beyond death. Perhaps all there really is is consciousness. What you saw is yours. Questions of "real or not" are often more trouble than they are worth. All psychedelics are powerful tools for healing, transformation, and catharsis when used with intension, as you seemed to have done.

I am very sorry for your loss. Honor her love by continuing to love.

I was able to watch the movie Floorfan. But I watched a version without subtitles for the times they spoke a language other than English. If you have a link that has those subtitles I would be greatly appreciated.

So sorry for your loss.

These experiences seem to be real, ime. I can relate, although my experience is pretty much the opposite of yours, rather than loosing someone, I had visions of her, then found her, in a sychronistic way of course, and she's still a part of my experiences. I don't think I've ever said this in public, but if it helps you in some way, to know that you're not the only one, then I'm happy.

So when I started drinking acacia and rue, for the first 6 months or so, I began to get in touch with some sort of feminine energy, and I would always see a girl, sometimes she would appear in the form of a ferry, At that time I really thought she was my feminine self, and in a way she is. I also had visions in one experience of a place where we later hung out, it's a very distinct land feature. Of course I didn't understand any of it until later, and still don't understand very much I'm sure. I'm not gonna go into details because I haven't told her all of it yet. Then around New Years I met her, her face is unmistakable, as is her energy, and she is a lot like me. We have our differences but we're just alike. She was the first person I met who knew as much as I did, and she understood more than me about certain things. Especially about love and non attachment, at that time I had yet to figure out the potential of love, I'm sure I still haven't, although I had loved someone before. I told her about seeing her, thinking I would never hear from her again, but she said I could never freak her out. She's important to my path and I love her. I love her in a selfless way because I wont jeopardize whatever it is that we have with my ego. Although I've come to realize that no matter how much I learn, ego is sneaky.

And I've thought a lot about this, tried to poke holes in it, rationalize it, it's no use, she's real. Sometimes I wish I would have never told her about this, but like a lot of things I've said to her, the urge to do so welled up from somewhere deep and I had no choice. Last time I took mushrooms, she was there, and more important than mere visions, on mushrooms I can feel her. And she's super passionate about mushrooms btw, just like I'm passionate about plants. Then I smoked last week, and on the come up she was there, then I got the message that all I have to do is learn from her and in the process she'll learn from me. that helped me find my center, I was a mess for a minute. I never knew one could feel so much love outside of a mystical experience.

Imo, time seems to be like some sort of movie real, where even though the present moment is illuminated, it's moving down the real, and the past, present and future are all equally real. If it is this way, or something like it, then it's no wonder that we can access this information.

So I hope you keep connecting with the one you love in your experiences, she lives on within you , and why wouldnt she, we have everything within us.