Hello my dear nexus brethren! I am a long time lurker and a big fan of this forum, and I have benefited from the content and the community immensly for which I am eternally grateful.
Until recently I have just been lurking, smoalking moar, keeping to myself and having a jolly old time, not even trying to put my voyages into words(impossible, futile), but today something happened that truly shook me to the core, and i feel it has to go out.
Now, I am quite an experienced psychonaut, lover of all things extreme, and am more then happy to shred my ego to pieces, and have a nice old laugh about it
Anyway, I have decided that today is a psychedelic wednesday, so as usual i sat on my psybike(i do most of my psychedelics biking out in the nature) and did not forget to ingest cca 600mics of very fine lysergic vitamines..
the day was going along real nice, and as the susnet neared, i decided to retire to a nearby grove where I streched my hammock between two tall and slender trees and decided that this would be a good opportunity to have a puff of good ole changa in my gvg and see if anything is new in hyperspace..
the amount smoalked was eyeballed but really not that much(i have been known to smoalk much moar then that), so i was quite unprepared for a cosmic asswhoopin that was about to unravel...
so as we perfectly vapourized the herb, i happily threw away the glass pipe and braced for hyperspatial impact with a silly old smile on my face as always..
and there we were in hyperspace, blisfully happy for a moment or two until something quite weird and remarkable happened.
i saw a little hyperspace object, sort of like a baby's drawing of a house, and it was very binary in nature, so it was either in one hyperpace state/color/form or the other, switching between two states, on and off, off and on. and it just kept switching in binary for what seemed an eternity, until I realised that I am that object and my whole existence has been reduced to this binary form, either one or zero, either black or white, up or down, left or right, hyperspace object 1 or 0!!!!!!!!!
time has by then stopped, past present future did not exist anymore, and in my despair to regain form and "be" i desperatly asked the hyperspace but what about my life, family, friends, to which the hyperspace replied:
it doesnt exist. it never did. an elaborate illusion invented to entertain you and keep you from madness in these infinite halls of eternity. but but i cried, but I am this, I am that, i am, i, i, to which hyperspace replied:
you are bbbzzzzztttttVibrationnnnnbbbbbzzzzt<hyperspace_sound>NOTHING</hyperspace_sound>..
At that moment I experienced what can only be described as the damnation of eternal (binary)existence.
I couldn't do anything but blip back and forth, one,zero,zero,one, black white, this, that, flipping like a fish on dry land gasping for water.
To which hyperspace coldly replied:
you are either one or a zero. nothing more. nothing less. it has always been like that. it is and always will be.
at that moment the option of death seemed like a gift from God, as opposed to being stuck in an eternity - your essence constrained to just being black or white, one or a zero. nothing more. nothing less.
And as I was there in the primordial cosmic eternity, further explanations were communicated to me.
I was told that they/we have been there forever and will be there forever.
having an eternity at their disposal they/we have created and directly experienced existence in all kinds of multiverses, universes, xverses, life forms and levels of consciousness, and we have been through it all.
they/we have created it all, tried it all, seen it all, experienced it all been through it all.
we are eternal, remember? eternal.
As I was being revealed all these things and still flipping in my empty binary form, they saw that I was still pretty much freaking out and not accepting the facts, so they have compassionately opened a ginormous fractal book/tree of existence, and returned me to a small segment of the fractal which is my life/identity/existance.
They told me:
go ahead son, you're still not ready for all this, enjoy this instance of an illusion(your life), you'll be just fine, hee..heee.</hyperspace_laugh>.. but after having been shown this.. in my heart of hearts I know that I am the universal being who has experienced it all, and I have been all of you and every other sentient being.
only now I truly understand what compassion really means, and what Buddha, Jesus and other venerable ones were telling us all along.
I apologize for my somewhat erratic tone, but I am still very much shaken to the core of my being by what just happened, and nothing ever ever could prepare me for this. Integration of this one is gonna take a while. a lifetime.
But I am still so happy to be alive and defined as a something more then a binary entity somwhere in the far corners of eternal hyperspace, there is nothing more life affirming and liberating then tasting the damnation of pure hell.
Unlike Gibran2 I was not blessed with the luxury of forgetfullness so I have to live with this for the rest of my days, for better of worse.
Anyhow it is getting quite late, and I am so very happy to be alive and writing all of this to you my beloved brothers and sisters in arms.
whomever is still reading this: hello me, its me, remember?

with unconditional love, yours truly,
Avalokitesvara
May all beings be happy!