Had another go yesterday night. Was in a relaxted state and aiming for a breakthrough, so loaded up 30mg in the gvg (most so far).

Turns out again you can hardly plan these things of course. I lie down first to center on my intentions and focus my thoughts. Took three big hits. While doing this, I suddenly went from calm and relaxed, to anxious and doubting if this was a good idea. It almost seems like the dmt suddenly releases subconscious fears and other clogged stuff in there.
I lie down, felt inner voices and ramblings coming up, mostly having to do with negative trip reports of others, things I hate about myself, fears, etc, but all very incoherent. I started to resist the trip and somehow it was over very quickly.

Well, that’s wasn’t a very good start. Fortunately dmt leaves you very relaxed and slightly euphoric, so no harm done so far.

Second try. I think I took less this time (maybe 20mg the first time and now 10mg of the 30 I put in the bowl), but it turned out somewhat better. But not a very intense experience, it was more dream like.
DMT always starts out the same. The strange watery noise (like water running down a drain), the typical alex grey patterns (often with skulls and 2d figures), the feeling of, here we go again. On some level its clear your perceptions are altered, but on another level somehow it feels pretty normal and it’s hard to relate to that ‘other life’.

The fractal like patterns came to life and seemed to have ‘cells’ in them. Either the patterns created the cells, or the cells created the patterns. Chicken and egg. The cells were conscious (there were little personalities within) and seemed somewhat annoyed (?) in this case. The whole scene was yellow, greenish with a touch of red. In some of the cells were images of life, death and rebirth.

The image zoomed out, with the cells getting smaller, morphing into a vision of a universe, were it became clear the cells and patterns were the basic foundation of a mechanism that gives rise to what we would call reality. Reality somehow bubbles out of this, without there being a clear transition between the patterns and (seemingly) ‘solid reality’.
I wonder if this was another variation on the infamous machine elves, little guys pumping out reality. One realization came with this. Apart from the fact that this projection we call reality is built from consciousness, it is also influenced by this latticework of consciousness. Perhaps I should become friends with the latticework. Why did they seem somewhat unfriendly? Was I in the wrong place at the wrong time?

After that I can remember just one more experience. I was in dark space and there was a barrier of some sort. It seemed like solid clouds. From the other side of the barrier something broke through, an entity which had an appearance but which was shifting and hard to focus on. Crystalline, with a head like a led light. It had no definite shape. The intuition I got, that it was an 8 dimensional artificial construct, made by entities on the other side and sent to me to help. Somehow part of me originated there, but I cannot get back in, since I had come here for various reasons. The construct was sent as a protection. So there is DMT for ya, strange as ever.

Shortly after the trip I went to sleep and had odd dreams that I can only vaguely remember. I remember some dreams about being very busy with ‘functional reality programming’, changing things or parameters, constructs that I can hardly describe, but which took a lot of work. There was a lot more to it, but as ever you forget them (or cannot bring them back).