Hi ive been meaning to write about this experience for a while but its been hard to find the words.
I had planned to smoke with a friend the following day but he said he couldnt make it and my girlfriend was
going out that night so i thought i might aswell go for it. I prepared my area (the kitchen floor) laid down some
coats and a pillow and lit a candle and tried to relax, but i was having trouble relaxing.

I loaded "the machine" with what looked like the same amount as my last (first) breakthrough, i hadnt cleaned
It so there was probably some residue left too. I got in a comfortable positon and held the pipe to my lips
but i was getting nervous and my heart started beating rapidly so i put the pipe down and breathed deeply until
it returned to normal, i picked the pipe up but my heart went again so i put it down again. I did this a few times
but still couldnt really relax, in the end i thought its now or never so still having second thoughts and with my
heart racing i put flame to the pipe and inhaled.

I took my first small hit and held for 10 seconds but didnt reallly feel much, took a second bigger one held for
a little longer ,started to feel it but not as strong as the last breakthrough so i took a third one and held the
lighter directly to the mesh and inhaled hard. I got a lungfull of the densest vapour/smoke ive ever inhaled. My
first thought was sh*t i shouldnt have done that, then i thought fu*k it i might aswell go with it. So i held it in,
laid back and shut my eyes.

When i shut my eyes the usual kaleidoscopic fractal patterns were there and the high pitched distorted hum
was starting to build in volume then i exhaled (was about 15- 20 seconds after inhaling) and relaxed into it.
After probably another 10 seconds with the fractals and noise getting more intense i thought to myself this is the
same as my last trip, but then i realised i couldnt remember if it was the same one or even if it was my first trip.
Now i could see a greenish glow beneath the fractals and the sound was like a fizzing acid noise it felt like it was
dissolving my memory , i couldnt remember remember who i am or even what i am and it was getting worse.
dissolving more of ME every moment then i panicked and thought if i didnt stop myself i would never come back.

So with a great effort of will i managed to bring myself back and it felt like i had hit a ceiling and the horrible feeling
I get when a bad mushroom trip sets in. Then i was in an infinite white void and i felt a sense of deja vu of a nightmare
of the same void i'd had as an infant. This terrified me and I opened my eyes but it felt like I was still in the white
space looking at my body laying there. I shut my eyes again and I got the feeling that id always been there in the void
and my whole life was just something id imagined. I was there feeling terrified for what felt like ages until i opened my eyes again.

This time it was like looking out from my own body this made me feel a bit better but i was still im a state of fear. My
kitchen was going crazy all the walls were shifting, the spider plants were morphing into impossible fractal shapes and
there were what looked like small multicoloured galaxies floating around, it would have been nice if i didn't feel so scared.
But i knew id gone past the peak of the trip now and just had to ride it out so i tried to breathe deeply and shut my eyes
again, thats when i saw the entities.

They were humanoid shape and made of darkness outlined with light if that makes sense. They were crowded around me
looking down on me laying there, they didnt seem evil and seemed like they were concerned for me then they seemed to
morph into one and it felt like it sort of picked me up from the floor and dusted me off then it pointed into the distance and
i was back to the kaleidoscopic fractals again. Im not sure if they were trying to tell me i should stick to low doses and not
come to hyperspace yet or if they were just showing me the way back to myself.

Anyway i opened my eyes and i was definitley back in this world, everything looked a bit like a low mushroom dose (walls
breathing etc) but i was still feeling pretty scared and was questioning reality. I lay there for a few minutes then i had a strange
urge to pick the pipe up and smoke again luckily i thought better of it and got up and made a small joint. This made made me
feel better but still nothing seemed quite as real as before. I went to bed still feeling a bit shocked but glad to be back.

The next day everything still seemed a bit unreal and i couldnt get what i had seen out of my mind but i stll went to work and
could function normally. I went to the pub after work and had few beers to try and stop me thinking about the trip it worked
untill i got home a bit tipsy had a joint and went to bed. In the darkness i could see the fractals again even with my eyes open
this made me question reality again.

The next day i felt fine but was now a bit wary of the spice. Ive tried it a few times since, mainly small doses but i tried one
breakthrough dose and i couldnt let myself go at all it felt like being in a plane during turbulence. Its definatley reduced my
fear though. I wasnt as worried as i normally was on my last flight and im doing bigger jumps and drops on my downhill bike.
Its been over 3 months now since i last smoked spice and i feel like im ready to try to breakthrough again. Thanks for reading
Peace