It's been a while since I visited that alien room with that magnificent cube inside. Since that moment, I had more experiences, but didn't share them here. Anyway, I'll share one of them now.



It was something after midnight, and I was in OK mood, but a little bit bored. I thought it would be a good time to pay hyperspace a visit. So, I measure around 40 mg of spice, take out the metal mesh of my Machine, and put the spice on it, do some pre heating, return it back into bottle, and I'm ready to go.

As always before take off, I'm quite nervous and anxious. So, what I always do is sit down, do some breathing exercise to calm down. This really helps.

So, after I calmed a bit, I'm taking a lighter. And there I go. 3, 2, 1, 0...we have an ignition. First toke, second toke...I barely hold my Machine. Lift off!

And as always, it starts with subtle changes, which increase intensity second by second. First turquoise shade, then patterns on wall start dancing, feeling like being underwater comes on. My hands get covered with fractal leaves which look mimosa/acacia like (I seriously was like WOW. I mean mimosa/acacia leaves? Awesome).

I close my eyes, and psychedelic imagery is intense. Lots of patterns, fractals...which are zooming around me at light speed. Then it all slows down, and almost stops completely.

And this is where it gets difficult, I'll try to explain it as best as I can:

My mind, everything I was, and I am, every of my memories, hopes, fears...everything goes away! It explodes! Nothing is there anymore!!! As fragments of my mind are flying away like grenade shrapnels during explosion, I watch them, and manage to relive them again for a brief moment! It was, as they were flying away from me, I could see them, and watch them. Every shrapnel of my exploding mind was one memory, and I could see, and experience again every of them.

My moments with my deceased father, my memories from childhood...I relive them again, but they go away, I can't stop them! They're gone forever! I'm stripped of everything! Not just memories, hopes, fears, any emotions... I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN "I" ANYMORE!!!


Yes. I, as I define myself now, didn't exist there. I was something completely different. Immaterial, clean, immaculate. Like an infant. All that I ever was, or think I was now is gone. The feeling itself is totally impossible to describe, you can't do that with words.

As I was in that state, I found myself inside a gigantic room (don't remember how I ended up there). In the room, there were gigantic, humanoid beings, holding colossal discs in their hands, above their heads. They were making a circle around me. In the central part of ceiling, there was a bright circle, from which stripes descended in every direction. Through the stripes, a stream of information/data was descending, flowing like a river. It was in Cyrillic. And there were numbers too. Entire scene had a reddish to orange color with some white. I was in amazement for some great deal of time. I was an awestruck observer, equal to small child in a circus, or something. Never before (or I think so) I have seen something like that in my life. Was that some sort of alien data center?

Eventual return felt like sudden collapse. Sense of "I" which I had before was handed to me like it was just borrowed for a little while. Everything returned in its place so suddenly. Never before during any trip has the comedown been so sudden and swift.

Effect of the spice started to wear away. I barely fell asleep that night. I was in the greatest dilemma I ever was in my life. I was totally confused for days after that. Tried to find some sense in that. Tried to understand. Asked myself "why, for the god's sake, why?" For a moment, I felt like I would grab random stranger, and tell him/her what I experienced. I'm telling you, next few days after that were very difficult.

Today, few months after that, I still don't have almost any answers. But at least I have somewhat recovered.

I'll continue searching for answers. I wanted to just take a peek inside the rabbit hole, but as I was peeking, I tripped over, and fell inside.

The hatch is closed, and now there's no going back. I must walk forward.

Image: Dendera Zodiac. I've used it to represent how those giant beings used to hold discs above their head (like those Egyptians hold the Zodiacal disc).

sounds very cool, good report.

i like how you only wanted to take a peak, but loaded up 40mg

Thanks.

My vaping technique still sucks. But I'm getting better.

Nice!
Yeah 40mg packs a punch. I recently went against all my rules and once loaded a lot without measuring just eyeballing it and not giving a ****.
Humbleness and pure awestruck is what i have came to experience and it was kind enough that when i was peaking i was allowed to express that i have enough and it subsided and acknowledged my request.

I can soooooo relate to this!!! I (one can't rightly use the word "I" in this context but the English language kind of forces one to) have been in that entirely egoless, no-memory, no-nothing state quite a few times.

Those experiences helped me be at peace with the realization that there are no answers.

The most important thing to consider in that egoless state is to let it go. I made a mistake when I tried to hold back my memories and everything that makes myself myself, as a person. It just made the experience uncomfortable.

Just accept it. Let it go. You don't need your ego there. Learn. Observe. Listen.

That's pretty much it.

Interesting one , sometimes I feel that there is message or actual information coded in some of these experiences
but we have no ability to translate it . Many times I've noticed
a pattern to it in a crude simple way. if you can get a grip
during the experience sometimes you can observe a
structure to it . There's a beginning a middle and an end to it
almost like a story . Most of the time it's hard to even notice
because the whole experience is so bizarre it's completely
overwhelming. Crazy thought : what if these are coded messages in our DNA that get triggered or set off by the DMT?
Perhaps they originate from within a deep alien part of ourselves sitting dormant waiting to be set off ?
Perhaps the feeling that it's external is just an illusion ?

Crazy thought? Nothing is crazy about this. It could be anything, possibilities are endless. I picked one and went with it, but I do understand that can be wrong as well. We know nothing about this stuff. Nothing, except its physical properties, how to extract it and consume it.