PRE-CONDITIONSMindset: Slightly anxious; but resolved.
Physical condition Set: Stressed, but generally feeling good. Fully alert and awake.
Setting: Sitting in half lotus in my bathroom, I have Delirium's Music Box Opera playing. The tune, "Consciousness of love" started to reverberate into my heart after a few minutes. Little did I know that the music would colour my trip, smoothing it out from the rocket blastoffs we all know about with a hit of DMT. It set the stage for a leisurely canoe trip.
time of day: 13:15, a very unusual time for me to trip. Thus far, I've only done DMT at night.
recent drug use: Failed blast off the night prior at 23:00, 27mg and lack of focus during vaping produced only minor effects. Outside of this, it has been almost four weeks since my last DMT experience, and I do no other drugs of any kind.
last meal: Breakfast - carrot juice and a egg/potato burrito.
PARTICIPANTGender: Today, male.
Body weight: 72 kg.
known sensitivities: None.
history of use: I have done DMT approximately 55 times. Have attempted ayahusca analogs a few times and all other times have been vaped DMT spice.
BIOASSAYSubstance(s): Light tan wax (80%) with small white crystals sitting on top (20%). From a second cold pressing (freeze precipitation) of ACRB using Cyb's salt tek.
Dose(s): 34 mg spice
Method of administration: DMT sandwiched between two small leaves of cilantro and then stacked inside 6 screens. This was from a .75 litre bong w/ "the key" attachment.
EFFECTSAdministration time: T=0, vaped the bong like a child nurses - slow, without force, but persistent. Decent holds.
Duration: 16 minutes
First effects: T = 3 minutes - it took a long time to heat up (the cilantro was mesh was a tad thick)
Peak: T = 9 minutes.
Come down:10
Baseline: 50 minutes.
Intensity (overall): 2.
Evaluation / notes: The trip was slow to come up and felt very "green", the cilantro sandwich which is a lifesaver in preventing burning can also make it harder to vape the whole of the DMT in a short time.
OPTIONALPleasantness: 1
Unpleasantness: 0
Visual Intensity: 1
AFTER-EFFECTSHangover: none
Afterglow: Relaxed, pensive, introspective. Speaking lacked the fluidity of my natural cadence, but word selection was normal. I didn't feel the urge to speak, but to write. I did feel the almost psychic desire to paint.
REPORTAt first, I felt the heaviness that comes with the come-on of hyperspace, but I didn't lose my mind and come out of my body. Instead, I see my surroundings distort wildly, as if they were a mirage. I clasp my hands together, palm to palm, and focus on them. At length, all I can see is the clasping hands - I cannot find where the wrist is connected to the arms. The skin thereof was orange and iridescent, flowing and glowing through coloration of a tigers hide. It strikes me that this is a symbol of unity, brotherhood, helpfulness, and the scene is resplendent. Beautiful.
Satisfied with this symbol, I close my eyes and my mind falls into hyperspace (no OOB feelings, just mental travel). [Aside: In my hyperspace, "deeper" is directionally downwards towards the earths core, I fall into hyperspace the same way you'd dive into the ocean - even though the 4-D plane really has no "up". If you've read Ender's Game by Card, he describes zero G and it's close to what I feel. Being a matter of perspective, deeper is down.]
As I tumble downwards, forwards, I breeze past the carnival plane of hyperspace - the circus of colors and Dr. Seussian pillars and pinwheels - through a hazy fog of grayness, and slow my descent as I reach the edges of the great black BEYOND, where VOID is everywhere and no path and everypath take you to total blackness. On occasion I have been there, into the VOID, where every being is equal distance from its center; all travel gets you no closer to the edges of the VOID, where other hyperspace planes are, just closer to beings that may be there.
This place is the metaphorical materialization of standing on the edge of a black hole.
I drift to a stop, in no danger of going into the VOID. It seems like I "fall" to the depth of which my specific gravity allows; various trips change my life energy's density, and thus I will be suspended in the plane that matches. 34 mg brings me pretty deep - like a 6/10 deep.
Here I meet a paper-thin, 2-D being. I did not recognize him or his form at first; he was a hyperspace petroglyph of sorts. A deep black shadow not governed by a light source, his energy was warm and not frightening. He had a long torso and limbs that elongated and shortened. Above his head was headdress of sorts - a banner that was emblematic of sun rays. (See picture) He twisted and turned by his own volition, like a kites tail might dance in a gentle wind.
Despite his ancient appearance, he was by no means "simple" or old fashioned. He was a very old being, young in spirit, and less primal/aboriginal than I originally judged him. For the sake of labels, I'd call him Kokopelli. He didn't mind me thinking this, even though we both knew he was distinctly someone else.
He spoke to me telepathically. I sensed that where he came from doesn't use English - and why would it? Still, my mind would "hear" his message and decode it into language occasionally; other times I would understand his meaning spiritually or symbolically. The flagellation of arms and legs were like wave forms, he danced either because he was innately happy or because it was a form of communication. I couldn't really tell.
All I knew that his communication was like real-time emotional hieroglyphics, danced from his being into my own.
As he proceeded, my internal administrator - the part of yourself that talks to yourself - would not shut up. I couldn't make out what she intended to say - maybe commentary about how deep I was or how I'd describe this when I came out - but I felt the internal noise as burdensome as a 30kg backpack. It was exhausting to carry it, and I wished for nothing else but to unburden myself and experience it.
A part of this weight was also beliefs - as if each thought/idea/belief was a physical/metaphysical object. I used a weird kind of strength from my governor to shut off the chatter - an super strong push of non-action (wu wei), an intense letting go. I started to tune into my dark shadow friends communication.
Kokopelli doesn't spoke to me in earnest - he tried to show me it, lead me to see it. If I could let go of the chatter boxes, he "said", he could show me more.
My mind was now more open and pliable - my thoughts were open to him like the contents of a purse overturned on a table. He reached inside, grabbed a few thought-objects and would show them to me. These thoughts repeated something I oft reflect on:
“If you could experience the highest bliss -the purest beauty- for any period of time, but afterwards you would never remember it, would you do it anyway?"
As a rebuttal, which now seems like an absurd argument to pursue, I thought, "But wouldn't it change you in some way? Like memory foam returning to its original shape, wouldn't it be slightly deformed structurally? There must be some evidence of the experience."
Dark Kokopelli laughed - he told me with an arm wave that some things are 100% impermanent.
He further explained that this teaching, this koan, spoke to an experience that would be lost from time and memory with no record. My struggle to accept this plainness was part of the human condition, always filling in things and attaching things and seeing things how we wish to see them. His feelings on the matter tasted of Buddha.
He "spoke again", showing me what it means to be present, enjoy the now, whatever now brings.
"What happens when you live in an environment of sheer beauty and abundance at every turn? Do you become evermore awestruck every second? Or do you quickly acknowledge the beauty once, but seeing it repeated makes you jaded?"
I pondered this idea. He wished to show more. Reaching again into my mind, he borrowed a phrase in English inside my brain.
“Can you see the forest for the trees?”
He wasn't familiar with the phrase – but he knew it had meaning to me, so he used it.
"If you had new eyes and new ears, you could see everything as beautiful because it is beautiful. Your eyes have been trained to see the unbeautiful. But all things are beautiful if you can see them in truth. All things are naturally beautiful when you see them as wholly themselves and nothing else. Your eyes are dirty. See with me."
Then he showed me a bizarre vision turned on its head. I travel to hyperspace to see its distorted x-ray 4-D pluraverse, thinking this would be beautiful. But in reality, it is waking life that is the most bizarre, beautiful and transcendent thing there is. It is not the make believe world of hyperspace, it is my world, my life where the bliss is. Travelling within can illuminate that which is without. Go to it and see with new eyes.
"Every moment is beautiful."
Up until this point, all of his conversation was just showing me his world view. Since it wasn't English, my words fall short of describing it; but he was charitably showing me his knowledge. There was not preaching, no lectures; just showing me. As the trip began to wane, I felt my body grow "denser" and therefore pulled upwards to my physical body inside my bathroom.
Dark Kokopelli offered the first and only admonition - the first communication that was intended to sway my behavior or move my energy.
“Live your love.”
...
My mind re-entered my body and I sat motionless for a time.
I was blissfully empty, and for a moment I thought of nothing.
And only felt one imperceptible thing - the urge to live my love.
- FF
"I knew a woman in Christ above fourteen years ago, (whether in the body, I cannot tell; or whether out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth
such an one caught up to the third heaven."
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