Hi, a few weeks ago, I had a difficult experience with dmt, still below breakthrough. So I kinda stayed away from it for a few weeks, I didn't feel like doing it for some time. So today I felt (to be short) called to it again and I had a couple experiences.

First one was very visual, and I ended up "playing" along with an "eye", some sort of hide and seek in the middle of fractals. it was very playful, I felt welcome and cheerful.

I also had that "nice seeing you around, please come back later" kind of feel towards the end of it.

Then I got "played", as the "eye" told me "open your eyes", which I did. and I got kicked out of this world, back into reality (I felt it wearing off and really didn't want to go back to reality, and it was like the "eye" had tricked me into going back.

it was all nice and good tho. But I felt I wasn't yet done for the day.

so I waited for a bit, loaded the pipe again and went back, this time I did put an icaro on off youtube (the only type of music that I can tolerate while on dmt)

at first, I noticed the quasi absence of visuals and my mind kept being pulled back to stuff I have to do, stuff I need to think about etc... about my company.

I just couldn't let go, no matter how hard I tried. it was frustrating, then I decided to focus my mind on the icaro, and it was just as I knew it, I could pretty much sing along with it (never heard it before), it was really strange.

Then the part that troubles me is that it felt almost as it was telling me to let everything go and dedicate myself to it.

I know it doesn't make sense at all, both experiences were sub breakthrough doses (20mg, the first a little less, the second a tiny bit more)

I'm confused.
I've played enough with sub BT doses, I need to get to the bottom of this

it probably won't happen anymore this year as I have tons of stuff I need to take care of, the reason I felt I need to do it today is that I felt I had to reset my mind because it was going into this forward escape with all the stuff I need to deal with.

but instead, I'm kinda more confused now than I was before.

This thing is amazing tho, I feel I'm getting so much work done on myself already, even on sub BT experiences. It's been a good relationship, back and forth, on and off, fun and hard also.

I feel I can trust the molecule enough to go a little further the next time.