Alright. Breathe.
I'm going to try to write this down as accurate as my memory allows. I don't know if call this a bad of good breakthrough trip since this is my first one with DMT.
I set up some lights, tripping music and make a nice hot tea just before the ride. It's raining outside so feels like a perfect moment. I sit down and drink the tea while setting my intentions.
I take a hit to begin slowly; the colors increase as the music goes on and on, they're so bright and beautiful, so defined and vibrant. The music seems the flow from everywhere.
I take a look around, at my hands, they look totally alien. I feel the blood rushing through my veins and making my whole body beat.
Another hit. I close my eyes as I feel my body and senses melt. There's a spiral; no, more like concentric circles with a face in the middle. It's transforming my reality into theirs by taking a thread of my reality and changing it, like it's another type of data. There're entities, who seem to be touching me. I'm in some sort of surgery; they put a liquid in my mouth and I can actually feel it touch my tongue. The image changes and there's a river with a giant old man face in it. It has a big moustache and from his eyes and mouth comes out little babies to flow with the river. Now two trees appear, I'm seeing them from above, one in front of the other, slightly touching it other; then they transform into people. I open my eyes again to find a fractal roof.
This is it. I take THE HIT. The high pitch sound increases, more and more, making me impossible to hear the music. I feel the whole reality fall apart, my body ready to be anhilited. Flashbacks of past memories come to my mind while I see light flashes in the room.
I die.From here everything is just a ridiculous representation of something impossible to even comprehend.
What "I" see can only be described as a triangular chamber. A small green chamber. It disappears and so does the remains of my ego with it.
I remember seeing the very threads of reality, of the true reality, the indubitable reality. I see the time as a material dimension that can be altered. Interconnection of whatever I am with the whole reality. There's a flash and I find myself back in the room for just two seconds.
"Jesus Christ that's it. I understand. I understand everything. There's no past, nor present or future, it's just a single infinite temporal moment, and I've been there all this time. I've already been here, and I knew it. I knew that's how everything works. I just forgot it and now I am going to forget it again. How can I just continue living without that knowledge?".
I try to grasp reality but can't. The "feelings" I am dealing with can only be described as fear, despair, anxiety. An infinite loop. There's another flash and I'm back in the room again, for not for too long.
"Oh my God."When it all ends I can just think about how grateful I am for coming back, how grateful I am for being alive and remembering that I was on DMT. My eyes close again to find the "doctors" one more time. They seem to be putting something in my mouth. My eyes open wide and so does my mouth, breathing in like I just came back to life. I'm crying, crying a lot, and some part of my thoughts question why am I crying. I just can't stop crying, not of sadness but of happiness, of gratefulness.
"What is this feeling?".I go to the bathroom and start to puke like I ate something bad. I feel like I got rid of something really bad. After a nice warm shower it all seems to be over. A lot of respect to this and lot gained from the experience. Hope everybody is doing fine.
“The urge to transcend self-conscious selfhood is, as I have said, a principal appetite of the soul.”