Hi, was it a first experience with DMT? with psychedelics? I can definitely relate on so many levels, my own experiences were quite similar although much less "traumatic".
Being a first time psychs user, I decided to take the slow route and so far I did experience similar things as you did. So I would be tempted to say it may not have been a breakthrough.
I could notice a few things similar to me
- smoking when mildly sick
I did it as well, but it did not really interfere with my experience
- "going in" with a worry
This has revealed to be a powerful mean to induce bad sensations
Last time it happened, I had a weird taste when inhaling and I thought "maybe I didn't extract it right and some black liquid went with it without me noticing". Instantly, things became uncomfortable.
So I told to myself that the worry was causing it and since I've inhaled already, I might as well forget about the worrying and get the most of the experience anyway, fortunately it was a small dose.
- being naive
I take it you did load 30mg (and not 0.3g wich would be 300mg, therefore a HUGE dose)
that one's on you. I remember my first time going in, minuscule dose, that feeling of "where my body's going?" took me by surprise and I started to panic a little bit, fortunately it was a small dose, but afterwards, I thought "thank god I didn't try a larger dose for the first time"
Now I welcome the feeling, I still respect it a lot, but I welcome it because I know it's a good thing.
The main "mistake" was to allow yourself to worry *after* you took your hit. the molecule was already working its magic and you interfered with negative thoughts, kind of "steering it" towards something negative. I have very little experience, but as far as I know. I believe it's best to work in an objective/neutral state of mind, allowing the magic to steer itself (and your thoughts). A small negativity, fear is to be expected. I use to *force* a smile, focus on breathing to ease things out (but I noticed that focusing on breathing can also steer me away from the experience, especially if I take deep breaths)
Once you hit your vape, do NOT allow yourself any worry (legitimate or not) and accept whatever's being thrown at you. Realize that once you hit it, it's just too late to worry about anything, it's like the rollercoaster ride has stared, you can't go back or out until it's finished.
if it's your first psychedelic, go back a few mg, work your way up from 10, 15, 20 and so on. I had the most beautiful experience vaping 20mg outside in an open field just before sunset, this is something you definitely want to try and it's a very different experience than vaping inside your room/appartment (you can read my report in the experience reports forum)
I think you were naive going in, but it seems you did alrigh and understood the lesson. I never broke through myself, but reading your report, I don't believe you did as there seemed to be various parameters that were holding you back. And with all of that being over so quickly. Now I don't know, maybe you did, but I have the sense that if one breaks through, one would definitely know. I've had the unrecognizable world around me also (especially when I was outside), but I did not have the feeling I've broken through.
As said above, set and setting
to be honest, I often does it out of curiosity, because I want to experiment with it and get to the breakthrough point. But all the times, I always try to decide beforehand what I want to get out of the experience. Seeing beautiful things, feeling special connections, face my fears etc... I try not to go in without a goal.
And the setting, which to me relates more to the ability to be left alone for 5/10 minutes rather than my environment (espcially inside, I did outside once and will do it more, but I will select the places properly)
Work your way back up, don't take any experience lightly and be humble. If there's a lesson in there, it may be to not allow yourself to think negatively, not only before a psych experience, but in general. once you've commited, stay commited and don't look back. You'll get the most of it that way.
Much love and be safe
