Nexians,

After tripping, I have a hard time remembering what happened. Granted I have had no drug experience prior to my 30 and counting spice trips, so my psychedelic muscles and brain memory are not as developed as many others - but is this amnesia common? Let me formalize my thoughts with numbers.

1. Do any of you have trouble remembering your trips? I remember the most at either ends of the trip - takeoff and landing. The middle part is always fuzzy. The other thing is that I do remember the narrative pretty well, but the "visual" part of the experience is always super fuzzy. When I take low sub-breakthrough doses (10ish mg) I have really clear perception of texture, color, lines, etc. The opposite is true with break through doses of 28-32mgs - I have the vibrancy of color but its a strange blur. Am I taking too much?

2. Is the key to remembering them building up your psychedelic brain muscles so on the return trip you can carry more memory with you or is it to only take just enough DMT to breakthrough? (Oddly enough, when I'm in hyperspace, its like I all of the sudden can remember past trips. What happens in hyperspace says in hyperspace?)

3. The pace of my trips is frenetic. When I get there the imagery shifts and bursts and blurs so fast I can hardly keep up with it. Up is down, I'm inside out, my brain is outside my body, the world has become my body, I AM HYPERSPACE, all of the different parts of my being have split into their constituent parts ... then I feel myself slipping back into my body and mind, hyperspace fades away like a dream and only fragments can be kept into operating memory for me to reflect on.

Is there any way to be able to slow them down? I've got some syrian rue - would taking some beforehand stabilize the experience? Given that 30mg of spice send me pretty deep into hyperspace, what/how should I proceed?

3. Since there is a refractory period between trips and your allowance to hyperspace, do you think I can use that partial (albeit temporary) tolerance to help make a second trip more coherent? I'm thinking if I play that edge, I can still be permitted back to hyperspace but not fall down the rabbit hole so fast. Out of curiosity, what have your back-to-back smoke sessions been like? For me, secondary trips are usually not breakthroughs but are much clearer visually - as mentioned single pass trips are pretty blurry, visually unfocused.


Thanks ladies and gents! Below is my last trip, as best as I can recall if you want to read it.

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Sitting on my bathroom floor, I put the bong to my lips. 32 mgs are packed and ready to go. My eyes focus in on the brass headpiece I've made from parts I bought at the hardware store. The bronze color become my world for the few seconds when I'm slipping into the center of the earth. I breathe in deep, and for some reason can't get a long inhale - but I power through and hold it in. Then I hit 2-3 other times, but its hard to tell. Reality is currently stable, but its like I've put the no_clip cheat into DOOM 2. Things can get real crazy real quick.

Before the tumble, I feel a strange warmth, like someone put a shawl on me. I hear at least 4 voices, slightly cartooned, spewing non-aggressive but foul profanity. As far as I can tell, the voices are young black men on the ascent of a roller-coaster, each voice delighting in cursing about religious themes in the most vulgar ways possible as the tension crowns towards the top of the first drop. Its weird to think of it now, but I've heard it nearly every trip along with the heavy buzz/pulse of impending hyperspace. "Holy *$#$Ds (*&##&@* #@$$!, here we &$#( @!!@@#" one says rapidly as I plunge into the other world.

AND BOOM. I'm there. It's a circus of color and movement and perspective. The part I can remember is the last few minutes when I clearly couldn't figure out who was me and if FiniteFox was the same person as the voice I hear or the thinker of thoughts or the body hunched over in the lotus position on the bathroom floor. This separation of each element of consciousness is pretty common for me. If such a thing exists, my reptilian brain is over somewhere, doing its thing while my mammalian brain dances around my neo-cortex; my inner voice is trying to keep a narrative on how it'd explain this experience to you - who ever YOU really is. My body is inside out and not my own. My perception of myself is currently a living Sasquatch, my private hair is a big deal to some of my cognition for some reason. I can feel that I'm approaching the "underside" of my trip - a name that another part of my mind gave to the winding down portion of a DMT trip. That's a weird one for me - "I" didn't name it that, but another part of me did and told it to the other part.

I feel my brains start to be pulled back together, they now exist much closer together in space time but still ride atop each other like oil/vinegar salad dressing. I see my physical body through my psychical eyes now. I start to feel my body's sensations again - my back hurts from slumping over. "I" don't feel that pain, but my body does. I still am having confusion on where and who FiniteFox is. I can talk, gibberish, if I try.

Fully inside my body, I feel the tiredness caused by the trip; the body load. I start the shower. I'm heavy, movement is drunken. I know I have to be careful on what I do because I could easily burn myself in the hot water because I'm disconnected and couldn't react fast enough. I put away my bong and lighter - I don't want them to get steamy and wet. I'm thinking slowly, wondering what I have to learn. When I look at things, including myself, its like I'm looking at them for the first time. I notice the fabric, the textures, the cobwebs. I have no care to alter or interact with them. I just want to drink them in. During this time I also look at my life for the first time (although I do this every time). I wonder why I do some of the things I do. I get personal. Real. I am truly an outsider giving an unbiased opinion on FiniteFox's life.

I reflect on how DMT usage has helped me control pornography and masturbation - both things I don't like but frequently was driven to. Spiritually, they're no good (IMO) and I've always disliked that the animal part of me revels in them. Its a tearful thing for me - I'm tender emotionally in spots you wouldn't expect. I'm a pragmatist intellectually, so I don't beat myself up about them, but a flaw is still a flaw and can cause real pain.

There are so many things I do on auto pilot, and only after coming back as a foreigner do you actually see them. I've had a recent trend of moderation and mindfulness. Many improvements there. I still have bouts where I talk too much and am a crappy listener to the people I love the most. I muse about how hyperspace isn't like an Alex Gray painting. For me, its not like outer space. The background isn't black. It a circus of color. Like the nuerochemicals in my brain, images dance around chaotically. Up is down. It a movie played at too fast a speed to see every frame. I've also come to the conclusion that hyperspace seems to be 75% a projection of my own mind (see about 2 mins of http://youtu.be/Au_VzljY88A?t=3m26s)- my beliefs about it are making it what it appears to be. I appear to be governing what is there and isn't. Maybe this will change.

I also curse too much. I'm giving that up. I don't think its serving me and its fouling my brain up.

Next time, I'm only hitting 20 mgs.

- FF

for me i like to keep a notepad close by so as soon as my trip is over or there is a break in the visuals (usually take mushrooms) i can note stuff down sketch a few quick images and the likes. also talking about it straight after whether to myself or someone else or record it to listen to later i feel this helps me remember them better

That's a good suggestion. I've thought about video taping myself too, just to see and hear what I may be doing.

In my experience, amnesia has been directly related to size of dose. Through perfecting my dosing technique I have been finding it actually takes far less than I previously thought to break through. Amnesia is usually only temporary in my experience but has occured often. It usually takes 12 to 24 hours and the memories were soarked by something relevent to the experience. And sometimes, like you mentioned, I've found the memories while back in hyperspace.

How I found to avoid amnesia all together came from a personal experience but maybe it could help. I had a few experiences where I was basically being shown how when coming up I can "zero in" my focus, or lack there of when it came time to let go and allow the experience to unfold. I was provided a target to focus on as i was guided to it and after it left me with the ability to breakthrough with as little as 1 hit of 20 to 25mg. Hyperspace and the experience that it is, is not too different from a deep trance state and these methods can be refined. I've experienced this as fact in the past whilst exploring other altered state spaces. Just to highlight the effectiveness, In some cases the original substance was no longer even necessary to achieve its effects.

So, researching and practicing trance states and meditation are of course invaluble for this but if nothing else, Id suggest dropping a mg or 2 or more on successive journeys, and see if you can't find a dose more in tune with you. From the issues you mention, which I've also experienced,I say Its worth "under dosing" a bit, if such a thing actually exist. Learning how to navigate and consume the experience in a useful way, for me, requires getting to know everything that lies between here and it, as intimately as possible. I suppose this is analogous to building those psychedelic mind muscles.

Great advice, thanks for posting. I will be practicing meditation all this week prior to a trip next Saturday.