I took one solid hit of DMT last night, the first time I've ever been graced by this stuff.

Now it quickly--instantly, in a sense--reminded me of what was probably the first time that I actually took 7 grams of psilocybin mushrooms (I had tripped hard on those before, but the prior source was a dubious fellow who might've conned me out of as much money as 7 grams should cost, yet only gave me 3.5; IDK). Or it reminded me of something. It did something with my peripheral vision that made me feel like teeming eyes were watching me, which I'd experienced from the maybe 3.5 and the definitely 7 gram psi trips. All that splendid gyring of light--something a lot like light, anyway--the blood of the world decanting across my sight.

I could've broken through, I think, had I not panicked. But I'd been too amped up on exhaustion from a long day's work and theological/philosophical debate with my friend/supplier over the half an hour or so prior to the experience--too worried about my heart condition (a suspected arrhythmia from episodes of methylphenidate/dextroamphetamine combination, accidental caffeine overdose, and attempted suicide-by-digitalis in other days and nights of my life)--so when I realized how enchanting this rapid onset of psychedelic rapture was, how almost painfully surreal the experience was getting, I had to set the piece I was taking hits from down, let the power lie low. Well, maybe I didn't actually have to, despite my panic, guilt, sense of impending death (I was surer that I was about to die than I'd ever been, even when I'd done those other terrible things years ago). Maybe I should've gone through, broken through, seen the Chrysanthemum and the Central Light and the crystal seraphs and all that jazz. Maybe. I don't know.

Next time, I plan to lay into some THC before I court Dmitri's love, calm myself, lower my blood pressure, put on Christian rock music, something, all those things--hope and pray that I am faithful to my desire to journey to hyperspace. Maybe try it out in a local forest, with more people watching me, my book that I wrote (or books others have written) or a computer at hand for the comfort of pride and familiarity.

Anyway, *this* time, I most distinctly recollect seeing these serpents made of rhomboids slithering out of the edges of the interstices between the most tangible fragments of space present before me. This I certainly didn't expect, and I was therefore reassured when I read today (even if on Wikipedia, I think) that rhomboids are a common visual product of DMT use.

Last time I visited this site, I adamantly maintained, much to my humiliation, that I had an a priori model of what DMT meant. The first thing I said aloud while on the trip last night was that I'd proved some theory of mine, but the theory I proved was not the model I posted about on this website. Neither did I disprove it, though, seeing as I did not break through. Now I don't know what dissertation I was talking about last night. I'm not even very confident that I was being reasonable to say that I'd proven anything by witnessing what I witnessed. It could be that I just wanted to say that, to give my friend the impression that I had constructed some insight out of the chaos cheerfully raping my mind at that moment. On the other hand, I'm pathologically honest, and psychedelics don't bring out my dark side (not even the other kind of Spice does that), so I wonder why I would've lied in such a fashion. And since I didn't have a reason to lie, and I'm as reasonable as I am truthful, well, maybe I did figure something amazing out, recognize anew some epic fact, but who knows?

"Only the DMT God/dess, I guess." Sure. Jesus Himself. Damn, but I sure wish I'd seen Him last night. I sorta did on the 3.5-ish psi trip, but it was more like I just hallucinated that I was hallucinating His advent near unto me then. And Dmitri didn't befriend Him for me a few hours ago, not even in a quasi-absurd way. Just those serpents showed up, and those peripheral eyes, maybe some other imagery I lost mnemonic track of immediately enough to where I can only hint at their possibility for the time being.

There was also this seething afterglow, like being on ecstasy. Such a quietude of my heart that was paradoxically energizing. I already miss the feeling.

Well, enough of my flippant experience report. I'm very glad to have finally done DMT, I'm even more elated that I know I'll get to do it frequently over the next few weeks if I ask my friend for more (he'll supply it to me for free--just like he's gonna give me DOM/STP ASAP, just to see if it benefits me spiritually). But am I any readier now than earlier? The second surefire time I did 7 grams of psilocybin was actually very disappointing: I don't want the same kind of failure to kick me down this summer when it comes to this precious little DMT.

P.S.: I'm going to browse other threads in search of the answer to the question I'm asking at the end of this one, but anyway, should I be concerned about having a heart attack if I do this stuff more?