After several weeks of trying to plan to breakthrough with my friend, we finally found a day we were both free. Fast forward a couple hours and we're at his apartment and I'm about to take my first hit.
After taking four hits, my vision started to melt. Any representation of what reality was was literally blown to pieces as I thought "I'm breaking through! I'm breaking through"
This is it. Everything is slowing down. A continuous and increasing hum tuned out everything else that might have been a distraction. The fan above me kept spinning and I found comfort in it. The continuum had reminded me that like the universe, it goes on. The three pronged lights represented something like a God that was going to guide me through this. I found comfort and peace and tranquility. I couldn't help burst out laughing as I saw the visuals and patterns and fractals overwhelm my vision. And then I closed my eyes.
Boom. A technicolored explosion of the universe encompassed my entire consciousness, or subconsciousness I don't know. I was flying through the cosmos which represented something like a demoscene video but with the most vivid explosions of colors that words cannot even begin to describe. I was flying from plane to plane, existence to existence. Then I saw the elves. Robotic. Alien. Foreign. Friendly. Hooded entities that surrounded my body. A felt sharp pressure in my upper chest. It was painful but it was a good kind of pain. I heard a voice tell me if I wanted to die. Die I thought? I nodded, I screamed, I yearned. My body melted and the molecules simply melted into the cosmos and I became one. The machine elves took me away and I was excited to tell my friend about this trip report. What felt like an eternity was only actually five minutes. Without thinking about it, the elves started to float me back into reality.
I remember opening my eyes and seeing the fan above me. The comforting lights. I could not help but laugh and laugh and laugh. It was just so beautiful. I was so amazed at what such a simple chemical can do. I had so many questions yet I felt I had all the answers. But simply put: it was beautiful.
Later on, my friend attempts to do a second attempt for a breakthrough and gets sick. The small bottle condensed the air that I breathed out to clear the chamber. So the taste was very pungent and caused my friend to throw up mid-hit. Oh shit. What the fuck just happened? Stupidly, I wanted to breakthrough again so I could allow myself to experience that beauty one more time. Now that I knew what to expect, I hoped that I would better take the experience all in.
After a while, he felt okay so I told him to turn off the lights after I stopped taking hits. Bad idea... The events prior caused a terrible set and setting as I continuously convinced myself that it won't turn out as bad as that. I let a single thought of ill will manifest itself into a nightmare of demons. I closed my eyes and felt myself on the floor of some surface. I saw evil jester faces laughing at me with such malicious intent. I was terrified. I couldn't tell my spotter to turn on the lights out of extreme fear and also because I was mid-breakthrough. I was surrounded by demons trying to suck out my consciousness. That's what it felt like. Above me was an evil jester trying to drive a lance through my chest. Screaming "DO YOU WANT TO DIE?" This time I was so fucking terrified, so fucking helpless, I screamed no while simultaneously telling my spotter to turn on the lights. Immediately I tried to force myself back into reality. I sat back up and all I felt was despair. I recounted my trip and I felt utterly and spiritually defeated.
So... those are my two trip reports and this is why I titled it Heaven and Hell. I believe that the balance of the universe had resulted in such two separate trips and I do not regret it at all. With my first breakthrough, I learned to appreciate and stare in awe at the power of DMT. With the second breakthrough, I learned to appreciate life and stare in fear at the power of DMT.
I consider myself so lucky to have experienced these two polar places. Thank you for reading guise!