hello all, glad to finally be participating , i suppose i'll jump right into it.

after watching the spirit molecule about 3 years ago i felt called to it, like it would solve something for me. i was straight edge in high school with a very narrow minded idea of "drugs" i had no idea the spectrum and slowly started dabbling with cannabis which was completely overwhelming at first, friends pushed to smoke as much as possible as fast as possible and it had the effects one would imagine. i slowly learned the idea of letting go of control and going with the flow of things. i enjoyed the lessons i received from cannabis and became more and more curious. dmt is incredibly hard to find though and still in these days where it seems that everyone has heard of it, most people haven't. i then came upon the various extractions tek's and decided that would be the best route as far as long term cost effectiveness and all that happiness. i purchased some mhrb but things with the room mate became weird and it seemed that it wasn't going to work out. i then relocated to the east coast, met some likeminded people and dmt found me at one of my lowest points, most hopeless at least. i was struggling to keep alcoholism and general addiction to just not being sober at bay, a lot was going on and i wasn't too keen on keeping the struggle going.

so, with the three pull method being the most talked about, i loaded a water bong with some beautiful orange material and i ended up melting most of it into some plant material and clearing it all in one pull, i was a little apprehensive in approaching it this way but it all was well and upon exhalation i knew i was going to go where i wanted. the smoke was crystalline gold and purple, i hung my head and blasted off. Now, unfortunately i don't remember very much of it, but i did set my intent and got what i was meant to i guess. i was under for 12 minutes so i feel like i should have brought back much more but such is the nature of things. my question going into this was "how can i have hope when all the choices i have been making with my best intentions, have led me so far down this hole?"

the only thing i do remember is seeing myself as a crocodile with wisps of memory coming out of me, as i would focus on these i would see a multitude of different lives i've lived in a sort of slideshow format. all of them being from behind myself and focusing on the other person, i was told that everything would be ok, not to question anything, just trust myself. i had been here before, i know what to do. i noticed myself as an indian man more often than anything else, that i had been a healer and that the life i was living was perhaps a little indulgent a different path would prove to be more satisfying. that was really all i needed. at one point, i guess i was hanging my head for a couple minutes, in the position i was when i exhaled but i felt like i was being torn out of my seat, in reality it looked like i kind of fell onto the grass. i read about people getting rid of demons or bad energy, through vomiting and other methods. so in my mind it looked like when i was bent over at 90 degrees, falling to the ground, i had this feeling that energy was punched through me, like from my mouth to my bum and i shit my pants, thankfully i did not but it was the feeling that a LOT of blockages had just been removed and the visual of the alligator happened after that. so maybe it was, i'm just super glad i didn't shit my pants.

i have since found kundalini and am practicing meditation, i was a cryptologic analyst in the navy for a bit, found i was become one dimensional and knew it was going to make me hate myself if i decided to stay in, so i got out, but i enjoyed being in a challenging school environment, so i was thinking about pursuing something in neuroscience but i found MAPS since then and have decided on psychiatry instead and am very much so looking forward to my future. it was everything i had hoped for and more, i know i have much to learn to still but am grateful for a purpose that can get me through the day. thanks for reading!

all is well