It’s always the same but always never the same, the added pinch of creepy energy tends to keep things fresh. It seems to size me up and look through me before unfolding anything too dear. Distractions are abound, vivid colors and rapid speed and beings move before my eye. Some distractions, I’m sure if investigated further, will unlock profound realizations, but I’m also under the belief some distractions are just presented to distract the viewer with shallow goals. These distractions sometimes blur the line into deception.
I’ve never had a break-through experience. It’s a mix of sloppy preparation and repressed fear that holds me back. The closest I came was when all my thoughts that empowered separation were quickly and forcefully muted into an “It doesn’t matter..” tone.
For me, it’s always the same. The same magnificent swirl that everything emanates from. Sometimes with a background of darkness, but other times locations are chosen.. a park or an office building for example. Most of the time what I see is the quick succession of opening and closing doors. I watch bodies and feet move with intention to their destinations – most don’t stop to engage me. I also always see beautiful women, never close up and mostly without faces. It always seems mixed from an emotional standpoint, most are neutral but none malicious. The creepy factor is always there. It usually comes from a figure, an individual, that doesn’t emanate from the swirl and stands in the shadows and corners of my vision. Always with an expression that I can’t understand, I think best described by irreverence and mockery. I don’t fear it but it’s part of my experience, so it has a meaning.
This time was different. I watched the swirl for a while and concentrated on the single point of zero rotation. I thought, “no, this isn’t it”. My attention went to that point, a point in space. As I did this, the swirl started moving away from the center of my vision while I kept my eye on the now vacant space. I was in a house with someone at this point and they started talking to me, started imparting the significance of what just happened. At that time, I could feel myself tensing to stay there. I felt it and he remarked on it… I left before anything was comprehended on my side.
Intellectually, I understand the idea of communication through symbols and images, but through direct experience I am just scratching the surface as to how to comprehend and interpret my surroundings and those within it.
Thank you for reading! I’d love to hear if any of this story resonates with anyone.