I have been intrigued by learning about Aya, and then learning that I could get a 10-20 minute taste of the experience by smoking.

I have been on a discovery journey the last couple years, and my mind races with all the new ideas of oneness, connections and love... I no longer fear death, and the idea of meeting aliens in another dimension doesn't seem frightening... So I thought I was ready for this experience.

I have been looking forward to this experience for several months, and I finally obtained what I needed... So here goes

Ill admit that I was a bit nervous. I'm doing this alone only because I know no one who would also be into this.... I go ahead and take a hit... I feel kinda tingly... I close my eyes and see colors within very precise patterns, and there seems to be a humming that is associated with me going somewhere... I put pipe down and relax... I open my eyes to compare the experience, and my bed has color waves like it has a mild melting effect, but I lost the sensation that I was going somewhere, so I closed my eyes, but the colors, humming, patterns and sense of traveling just faded... So, all in all the experience was only a couple minutes... I chocked this up to not hitting enough, so I tried again.

On the 2nd try, it felt like I got a really good hit, and I held on to it long enough for it to hit me... I was startled at what I was experiencing... The colors in my room were really intense, and my the outlines of objects were not really defined, to include my body, and seeing my body changinging was spooky, but I was frightened at the realization the I was entering a space in which I would no longer have any control... I remember thinking that I was not ready for this, and was worried that I had made a mistake. What was interesting was that right at the edge of losing control, I was able to stop it and reel myself back in, and again, the whole trip was only a couple minutes.

I'm somewhat puzzled at the effects fading so quickly, within a couple minutes, because it felt like I was launching, but then again I probably do not know yet what a serious launching really feels like.

Now I'm in some ways disappointed in myself that I did not allow myself to go with it, or committ myself by taking multiple hits as I'm sure there would have been no turning back, but as my first experience with anything like this, and being alone, this is probably the best first step I could have taken.

And I feel like I have learned from this, which is what this is all about isn't it? I identified a fear that I did not know I had, and I need to work on it... I am currently alone in a studio apartment while I wait for my job to transfer, a few more months till I can join my wife, and all this alone time in this room I think is doing a number on me... I think I need to get out more, less time in the room, and if/when I feel my mind is in the right place to try the spice again, I think outside in nature would be best, where I'm not hearing my neighbors. I'm not really comfortable in this temp room, so I see the importance of the setting.

Anyways, that was my first go, or try.... Thoughts from the vets?

I haven't yet tried it, but very soon I will. One of my main focus points going into this is to take whatever comes and learn the lessons life and the universe have for me to learn. I don't ponder on loss of control, or whether or not the experience will be positive or negative. All things work for good and for growth. I wish you all the luck for your next trip.

Thanks deskhermit... I didn't think I would have issues letting go of control because I didn't think there would be an option, so i didnt contemplate on this prior. I was surprised first that I was spooked, but also that being spooked can prevent you from moving forward. I'll be better prepared next go... Good luck with yours

Momo. Great first steps!

What you experienced was merely dipping a toe into the shallow end near shore, while there is the entire ocean with a giant hurricane looming. If you take a few good hits to get it going to where it starts to build quickly and intensely...take one more hit...massive...and hold it. When you feel as if "Ohh god, what did I do?! this is it!", then you know your going to have a solid experience.

safe travels,

tat

greatest feeling ever

there nothing like thinking you have broken existence.

welcome to the mystery Momo03, it gets real crazy from here on out.

I decided to go back in the pool, albeit I'm still in the kiddy pool... Baby steps

I got comfortable and talked myself through this, reminding me that I'm here to experience, I'm safe, and whatever I face its only temporary... I reflected on my last experience so that I would be familiar and less spooked when I came upon that mindset, or perhaps unset is a better word.

I increased the amount of spice, but just a bit, and took the step back into kiddy pool. I like the analogy given by a previous poster that I had just gotten my feet wet, so I'll use it

I felt the familiar buzzing going through my body, and I was comfortable with it, then the unique colors and everything just looking different, and then I closed my eyes to see where I would go because I didn't want to be distracted by my morphing room... I was then speeding through colorful corridors, well the corridors were very dark, but the designs and patterns engraved in the corridor walls were very colorful. It would be difficult to draw the colors, all the colors were represented, but not organized like a rainbow, difficult to explain, but just beautiful

I started to go through the corridors so fast and I faced the fear I had previously where I was at the edge of losing control, and again I panicked because this time It didnt feel like i had a choice... I remember thinking "oh I don't like this, I want it to stop" but I was able to remember my self coaching before I took the hit, that it is just an experience, I'm safe, and it is temporary, then I was able to accept what was happening and I lost every bit of the panic... I became very peaceful, and in this state I was able to explore the corridors that ended up opening up into larger spaces, with the same beautiful designs... It was like I had a freedom to fly around and look at things, like a playground, and I felt safe, and I remember thinking how much I loved this... one strange thing, and I can't recall if it happened while I was playing peacefully, or perhaps in the transitioning from panicking, is that at one point I was experiencing this as my older brother. I knew what it felt like to be experiencing things through his body... Very strange.

I think the biggest thing I took away from this experience is that the more I tried to hold control of my mind, the less control I had of the experience, but by giving into letting go, I found the freedom to explore and play, and I was instantly rewarded by replacing my panic with peace. I think it will be even easier next time since I have tasted the reward.

Hello and welcome to the Nexus.
Being nervous is completely normal. It would've been alarming if it was the other way around so, this shows that you respect the DMT which imo is a prerequisite. I had a sitter the first time - although now in retrospect I don't think it was a good idea as it was more negative to me than positive.

Your experience sound very, very similiar to my first experience. I felt that I was very close to entering that "other place" (ie: breakthrough). Had the common DMT sounds, the plastic crumbling, the long and intensifying "nnnnnghh"-sound McKenna described. Colors turned increadibly intense - saturated to the extremes; especially yellow and orange colors. The trees outside my window were animated like electricity and my hands looked like something out of a cartoon and I couldnt count the number of fingers I had. At the peak, my vision completely faded out via pixelate crossover (movie term) and I saw this big, circular, vibrating fractal that was mechanical in size - and it just moved closer and closer to me. People describe it as the "chrysantheum", and it's common to have it slammed into your face or crashed into you when you go "over there". I too felt the same ambivalent feelings: it was like watching an internal battle between the decision-making part of me and the ego (the latter who was terrified at dieing). "Is this a mistake?", "This is too much for me", "What will happen if the ego freaks out?".

I too learned a lot about my fears. Maybe not so much new things but they got put into clarity for me.

The effects fade out quickly because the body metabolizes the DMT very, very quickly. So unless you get a big dose directly, you are not going to have a full-blown experience.

And talking about disappointment: I wrote this recently:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...spx?g=posts&t=42469

Be well
PEACE

Hey Momo03.
I've smoked DMT twice (the 3rd time doesn't count - I was testing a home made vape), & have been disappointed on both occasions. Much more so the second time when all I got was the tingles & inability to move, pretty much.

The first time I was spectacularly apprehensive (terrified - I had a couple of psychotic episodes back in the day). I had the tingles & the racing heart, the room began to fragment & I closed my eyes to be met with a rotating spiral of tiny ruddy-orange squares. The geometry was absolute perfection, yet something about the speed & pattern of the movement overwhelmed me (plus fear) & I opened my eyes. My sitters were still there. I tried to relax & I closed my eyes again. The spiral was gone & in its place there was a 'fold', in the centre of my visual field, with all manner of indescribable, interlocking geometry streaming towards me. I relaxed some more & started to settle in to the experience. I heard one of my sitters, off to my right, say "He's going deeper...". That was me done. I knew I was going deeper but, to my mind, an observer shouldn't. (I've since reevaluated that line of thought). I opened my eyes, & remained at about 37,000 feet for the next 10 - 15 minutes, in some sort of information acquisition phase.

I have been so disappointed that I didn't just keep my eyes closed & enjoy the experience - even though I know I wasn't heading for a breakthrough.

I'm looking forward to trying again in the future, hopefully with no intentions & expectations as I think they may have had something to do with the second occasion's poor result.

I don't really know what else to add.
Welcome