Hello Nexus!
I started typing on this post with the intention of doing a short DMT experience post but it turned out to be a bit of a long rant. Wall of text incomming
I'll throw in a bit of an introduction I suppose, as this is my first post on the forum.
I'm a 26 years old male, living in a cold european country in the north.
I found drugs at my early teenage years and I have been abusing them ever since.
Meth, cannabis, pills, opiates, you name it. Until a few years ago.
I was well on my way of destroying my life completely and nearly killing myself because of my addiction so I got professional help, and cleaned up my life completly of those types of destructive patterns and I now have a steady job, I own my own place and my girlfriend and I are expecting our first child in June 2013. Life is good

I have always had a different view of psychedelics though. To me, they cannot be used destructively in the same way as other types of drugs, and I have always had a great respect for these type of substances and I think
I use them maybe at most a few times a year, nothing more and nothing else exept the occasional cannabis-session.

Today I was about to settle my curiosity of DMT, the one substance I've always been wanting to experience but never got around to.
I had decided to order a GVG after reading ALOT on this forum, as I want to to it in a proper manor.
Well, it came in the mail today, so I decided today was a good day for round 1.

I suspect I managed to get about 35-45mg in one hit from my GVG.
The reason for this is because I only remember taking one hit, the smoke/vapor stopped commin from the pipe, and I cannot remember myself putting the pipe or the lighter down.

I can honestly say I was in no way near of being prepared enough for this.

I was sitting in the livingroom on the couch, alone.
I was holding the lighter over my GVG, and as soon as I finished my toke my ears started ringing like crazy and I became immersed in sharp-edged warping green/red/grey fractals, in lack for better words. I use the word immersed because at this point I don't know if I was having my eyes closed or not, and I could very quickly hear/feel several voices from what I remember enterpreting as smaller "beings" or voices, or whatever it was.
They were telling me: "Oh now you've done it, you've really done it this time."

As this was my first time using DMT I remember feeling extremely confused, since I've never done it before.

Here my memory is a bit blurry but I remember feeling as though a storm was comming.
The voices became louder, almost evil, or patronizing almost, and with that I became seriously overcome with fear.
I couldn't let go, couldn't relax. I paniced.
As I was trying to pull the emergency-stop button and I was screaming in my mind to to leave me alone and to let me be, let me of the train.

After a while everything went black and this extremly vivid imagery in my head came to me; my sister was screaming at me and the ambulance/police sirens were ringing strong. Apparently my niece was dead (she's 7months old) and my whole family blaming me for her death out in the hallway and everyone was crying and screaming over something horrible that I had done and saying I had to come back because this wasn't a joke, I needed to see what I had done.
I had the feeling as though my sisters angry voice was some sort of teather, forcing me towards reality.

Insane. I felt insane.

As far as I can remember, for the first time I opened my eyes, and I found myself on the lying on the floor against a wall in a different room.

I tried standing up, being in a state of fear and doubt over what I felt I had done, but I couldn't orient myself. I simply couln't tell what was what in the room and I remember I was trying to find my desk to lean on it but I was having trouble finding it because the visuals at this point was completly overwhelming. Spinning, rotating, shrinking and pulsating fractal-like patters with sharp edges and at the same time edge-less so to speak.
I can't describe them in a better way.

At some point I had sat myself down on the floor again.
I opened my eyes (I don't even remember closing them) and I felt as though something had chased what was bothering me away and I was in an instant completely calm and sitting on the floor again.
My visuals turned blue/red/warmer and I had strong feelings of that I was free to be myself and to relax.

The calmness was total, I remember it comming over me instantaneous.

My visuals was starting to become less disorienting and I managed to get to the couch again
where I spent the rest of this short period listening to my low-volume music that I had turned on earlier, enjoying my closed eye visuals, pulsating blue/redish cloud-like patterns.

---

This is so confusing.
I don't know what happened today but I realized that I wasn't even close to being ready for this. To me, this was a reminder that I have alot of fear in me, that atleast today, stopped me or held me back.
I tried to tell myself to calm down during the experience, but the tone of the feelings of these what felt to me as smaller beings/voices in the start, was so serious I couldn't let it go.

This was something else, so intense.
It didn't turn out how I pictured it, but then again, if I had managed to let go of my fear and anxiety before I smoked, maybe it would have turned out different.
Set and Setting seems to be EVERYTHING when smoking DMT.
I know the importance of this from doing other psychedelics, but man, DMT is not something that can be toyed around with to say the least.

As I'm reading through this, it sounds like a horrible experience, and for a short while it certainly wasn't a pleasant ride.
But it still left me with a strong feeling of joy, happiness and a general positive feeling when I came down. Really wierd, I know but that's how I felt after the calm period of my experience today was over.


Phew, this turned out to be quite a long post but this was a crazy experience to me and I felt I wanted to write it down.
I'm still baffled by how vivid the whole thing was.
I will definetly do it again, the feelings it left me with makes this something I really want to explore more of, but I will not do it as spontaneous next time.
Maybe I'll plan ahead and make sure I am in a better state of mind before


Regards,
ForestBeganToSing.

Beautiful trip report. Also nice that you've established a more stable life without drug abuse.

Did you measure the dose or was it just eye balled?
Did you get anything out of your experience other than the experience in itself?

I am really looking forward to trying DMT for the first time too. Good luck in the future.

I received a zipbag from a friend of mine as a gift a few weeks back and he had weight it to 200mg on his scale, so I took close to a quarter from it and put it in the pipe. Sloppy, perhaps, but I don't have a scale at home unfortunatly.

As for the getting something out of the experience I can't really say.
Now afterwards it feels as if I fought of the full experience by not letting go of my fear.
I guess what I got out of it was a proper introduction to how powerfull DMT really is, witch in turn will make me be alot more prepared for it the next time.

I'd like to share my first trip that I had today with you, we have a lot in common.

To set it up, I was with one of my closest friends. He's done DMT before and is a pothead, and had DMT leftover and shared it with me. I took a small hit to wet my feet and felt a swell of euphoria and watched some shadows dance. After that I thought that all my fears about the drug were gone and could go onto the big hit.

It was something else entirely. I felt myself disappear into fractals and immediately became terrified. It was a terror I have never felt. I tried to pull back but there was a chaos screaming at me, it sounded like ZZZZQQZZZ!!!ZQ, a buzzing and rumbling and it was too much.

I asked him (my friend) to save me and help me and I was thrashing around the room because at that point I knew I was going to die. He held me next to him on the floor and the trip got intense, I don't know how to describe this part, there are no human words, but there were colors and phases of being that I can't comprehend. It was a pinpoint of existence, of God, of the mechanics behind the cosmos, of pure experience that overwhelmed me, and for a minute I was dead. Then I was back and begging him for water. I never needed anything that badly in my life, and when I drank it I felt that I was drinking myself. Water was so peaceful to me.

Then I was crying on the floor in wonderment asking my friend over and over "What the fuck is it? What was that shit?" and the second half of my trip began.

This part was a lot like the calmness you described in your account. I was being reborn and dragged myself along the floor. I was pulling myself out of a womb. There was a primal goo on me, an energy evaporating and everything in the room had a fog coming from it, and it was like I was seeing for the very first time. I had literally and metaphorically, mentally and physically died.

I held onto my friend and laughed and listened to his heartbeat and it was the happiest I've ever felt. I looked out the window at the city and it made me laugh. I cried because his cat was the most beautiful thing I've seen. I kept laughing.

There was a clarity and love that came out of giving up those notions of control that all stem from fear. There was a freedom. I wasn't afraid of everything. I smiled and yelled out that I wanted to fuck my girlfriend and climb a mountain. I had witnessed the extent of the power of being, and it made me content with remaining nothing more than a human. I cannot compare to what I experienced, compare to it in human terms anyway, for I am from the same stuff as what I felt in those moments of terror.

This drug brought out more feelings in me than I've ever had. It was like, for a moment, my feet stopped burning.