Hello again.

I've posted, in my introduction, about my first ayahuasca and also psilocybin experiences. So far, I've been doing these in a ceremonial setting.

Last night, we had drank from a special kind of ayahuasca imported from Ecuador. Apparently it's a little stronger than what we had before.. but basically just different. The taste seemed even more bitter than the first time.

I've been sick with a cold recently. Taking a lot of time for myself and getting more in touch with my feelings. I've been using EFT, tapping basically, in the past week with great focus. It really seems to have helped already.. kind of gets me more in tune with what I may have been ignoring.

Once again, I went to the ceremony in a fasted state, already feeling very light.

I really felt myself letting come whatever may this time. The first time I had a lot of expectations and became impatient because I felt it was doing nothing.

This time I felt more open, going with the flow. It had given me a fast paced dream-like state.. No real visuals. interesting senses and pressure around the pineal gland. The "dreams" in my head really made no sense this time. Fast paced and crazy.

Around the last hour of about 4 hours in the room, I felt an intense tiredness. Whenever I just let myself go into it, I felt a kind of nerve itching tick around my legs. It was like a strong, uncomfortable urge to kick or something.

Since then, I've been a bit off balance, very weak and tired feeling. Perhaps it has something to do with me still being sick, but it definitely doesn't have to be. I hope I'll somehow recover, or get through what I must. I feel like I've been waiting for so long for some kind of "confrontation" with myself, with my past and my emotions..

I'm sure, like last time, more light will be shed throughout the week.

I had used psilocybin after my first night with ayahuasca, so I don't know how to distinguish anything. I do know that psilocybin was really good for me..



May I ask if anyone else has felt this kind of "disintegration", extreme tiredness and weakness after aya or dmt?

I'm taking a lot of time for myself, I hope that's right for me.. I seem to be a little bothered by people at the moment..

Ok! I wanted to follow up on this.

I felt some familiar "depression" symptoms which I have had for years, only I felt more sensitive.. to everything. I felt so sensitive and weak for a while that I almost forgot that these very moments hold valuable lessons.. yet it wasn't clear until just a day ago.

As I accept that I basically confirm my reality, I feel this lesson was about my throat chakra. I've just come to opening some major blockages in this area. Down to the very tone, quietness and mumbling which was all too "normal" to me, it became clear to me. I meditate and did "humming" chants. I practiced speaking. Louder. I started speaking to myself with honesty. I felt a rush of energy.

In regards to the ayahuasca.. sometimes I feel I've been on the "journey" this whole time. There have been so many seemingly sleepless nights. Nights that felt like the night of drinking the ayahuasca.. yet sometimes profoundly stronger. Thoughts of my past came up more and more frequently.. some that I had thought I'd completely forgotten.. most likely repressed.

I feel well now.. this can't be wrong.