I've been a member of the nexus for a couple of years now.
I don't think I could ever be grateful enough for this community for the help I have received here.
However, like Alan Watts once said, "When you get the message hang up the phone."
I think it's time for me to hang up the psychedelic phone for a long while, perhaps forever.
As many here know, my last few years exploring psychedelic substances have been more spiritual/psychological rather than recreational/enjoyment. What I have gained has been immense, though immensely personal and not something that can easily be shared with others. In some way's this has made me more reclusive from society, and in other way's it has pushed me to open up and expand into society. In any event I am deeply grateful for the experiences I've had and for this community. The experiences have apparently been exactly what I needed to have. However, I have come to know on a very deep intuitive level that for me real growth will take place once I decide to truly dedicate myself to the sober spiritual path. Psychedelic visions are amazingly inspiring, however they are not lasting, they are non permanent, and ultimately they are merely illusions like all other experiences.
So what spurred this idea to walk away from psychedelics? Well it wasn't the mother of all experiences or anything like that. Though let me very clear that learning to have satori like experiences has been of immense value to my spiritual progress, though I could never in a million years recommend another person walk the path I have walked...ironic isn't it? Don't get me wrong, I'd never try and stop a rational, normal person for taking them for what-ever reason. It's just that I now fully understand they actually are not necessary.
So what was the catalyst? It was a regular non drug induced meditation experience. For me the change happened in the span of about 5-10 seconds. Really a rather small space of time considering the magnitude of what I experienced. It was about 45 minutes into a hardcore reality checking vipassana meditation excursion where my mind had been flirting with center several times. As I approached my center this time the rapidity of which I was able to perceive bodily sensation was very high. I'd guess I was actively noting 20 separate, distinct sensation per second. Yes literally. Anyway I was very deep at this particular moment. All but the vaguest connections to the outside world were completely severed when I again began to approach my inner center.
All thoughts had faded into the background and my mind had been still from gross mental sensation for several minutes at this point. Centering at this state of being is an exercise dealing with very subtle mind stuff. I was in a deep state of Samadhi (concentration) to say the least. Probably as deep as I've ever gone. I reminded myself via a slight mental note to NOT give into sensations of amazement (wonder were I learned that technique?
) as I once again approached mental stability.
As I hit center this time I felt an amazing lightness begin to expand from my heart center while simultaneously an amazingly clear light or colorless void (not black, not white, just clear) began to open in my third eye. The euphoria began to quickly multiply much like I have felt during psychedelic experiences. As this state of mind began to manifest in magnitude I eventually gave into excitement and was forced to watch this most blissful experience receded directly into the void from which it came. The brief 10 second foray was enough to fully convince me that peak experiences can literally be gained, and in fact perhaps must ultimately be gained the slow traditional way. At least that is the path I feel compelled to walk now.
I spent the next 30 minutes trying to regain this center but could not. In any event I finished up meditation for the day and spent the next several hours in a nice light after glow very reminiscent of a mild psychedelic experience.
There isn't any real need to over elaborate about it here since it was a subjective experience that I could never share in a convincing way with the skeptics among us. BTW The skeptics among us are a great thing. They keep the real seekers honest. However, once one starts gaining real insight it becomes pretty obvious that there is little to be gained from debate with a skeptic. Most skeptics are not interested in actually changing their mind. They are interested in proving you wrong and themselves right. HOWEVER, they are a much needed force in the world. Like I said the skeptics force brutal honesty for the rest of us, even if in the end they are the ones that often reject it. My, my life is strange now isn't it.
So this brings me to the real point of this post. I'm saying good bye to the Nexus. I have made quite a few interesting friends and connections through the Nexus and sincerely wish I could meet many of you in the 'real' world, but alas things are they way are.
I'll stop short of asking Trav to delete my account, but in all honestly I need to take a very extended break and get in touch with the other parts of my spirituality.
I sincerely wish you all, my brothers and sisters, success on your own individual paths. Everyone one of the people on this board is a unique and interesting person. So many fascinating takes on the deeper aspects of philosophy and religion. So much depth of knowledge when it comes to the science around these drugs. Saying good bye almost seems wrong, but alas I know I have to dive into my own inner calling and I know that psychedelics are going to play little to no role going forward for me.
So without further adue. Good bye friends.
I sincerely wish you all the best, and who knows, perhaps I will stop by from time to time to engage in the deeper philosophical conversations at some point in the future.
Namaste
If your religion, faith, devotion, or self proclaimed spirituality is not directly leading to an increase in kindness, empathy, compassion and tolerance for others then you have been misled.