and still very much awash in the THH afterglow, but thought now would be the best time to "try" and articulate where SWIM's just been. Each time he breaks through, SWIM is greeted with the sudden crashing realization that his memories of this place have been complete fabrications. Even now, minutes later, recollections are likely 90% false (and without question, 100% inadequate), but SWIM had to pass through what felt like a death (by electrocution, by drowning, or some combination thereof), before blasting out of the psychic canon to a space of impossible geometry. SWIM believes this to be possibly a new space previously unvisited by him, or perhaps a new level of a previously visited destination, but he has thus far (after maybe 30 journies) been under the impression that the breakthrough place he goes each time is essentially the same.

Anyway, he can't possibly articulate the details other than to say it is as if this geometry encompasses everything. Impossibly complex, impossibly colorful forms which perpetually collapse on themselves in multiple dimensions, and in doing so, endlessly create new and equally impossible forms. SWIM is both existing within the forms as a part of the process, and outside of it, witnessing in complete and total nut crunching amazement. The terror is there, as it always is for him, because this place, these forms, this experience is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE.

How the fuck to make sense of the impossible? It would be easier to do if he was having linear journies with little green men, or clowns and elves and anything that's somewhat fathomable back home, but the abstraction, complexity and downright impossibility of the world he visits behind the veil are beyond his ability to comprehend, and the only thing he knows with certainty is that every "waking" memory, every impression he brings back is completely and utterly inadequate.

The shapes man all I see is shapes there everywhere. Whats cool though is that most of us have seen them to. I know what they look like.I just dont have the words to explain it. Maybe we should just make up some new descriptive vocabulary to describe them.Almost like our own language.

i don't even try to make sense of that other plane....like i've said in earlier posts- it's like an infant trying to make sense of this new world it's been born into. i do truly believe, however, that with more and more visits there will be more shown. more taught. more learned. will it get to a point of lucidity? at this point (sub 50 journeys) i can't even imagine...but one thing is certain: these entheogens have begun to shift my entire life. i feel the direction of my life going into a much deeper place. in this here and now i feel as though i am ready to dedicate my life to the exploration of the beyond. i can't seem to think of anything more worthwhile.... the emotional healing and wisdom i have gleaned from just my brief toe-dip into this endless ocean....there's no yoga, no meditation, no therapy, no self-help seminar, no relationship, no...anything that can fast-track personal growth the way responsible entheogenic use can. but then....i'm just a madman...believe nothing i post here...

....well done Art my boy. lose that word "impossible" from your lexicon and you've created a space for a new word to be CREATED! Big Inhale- i'm with you....a new vocabulary (however limited and ridiculous our current speak may be) is in order. Mr. Van D'Lay- how about you come up with one to replace "impossible"??

love and gratitude!

Right On Art!! You've done a great job trying to articulate the unfathomable treasure that we've been made privy to! Cheers!

Thanks all for the responses. One thing is certain: while SWIM will likely never understand and make sense of the spice and its mysteries, the spice seems to have him figured out. This is instant smokeable psychotherapy.

I have words to explain it. After SWIM told me he loaded up a BIG one while g/f was on the bed in the bedroom, standing up and blasted off. simulataneously with the thought "I am... Qzzmxmzzxmnzxmynmnbmnzmnxnmnmnmxvnmfnfffssf^^^^ (pitching up to infinity and fractalizing off) all the objects in the room twisted in this most impossible way which you describe. he's seen the shapes too, but this was an open eye representation of it. thought i'd just say so yeah,

we do have the vocabulary:

Qzzmxmzzxmnzxmynmnbmnzmnxnmnmnmxvnmfnfffssf^^^^ !!!

well what does that sound like as Im sure the words for this wont sound anything like english

[/quote]"I am... Qzzmxmzzxmnzxmynmnbmnzmnxnmnmnmxvnmfnfffssf!!!"[/quote]

That's funny. SWIM has definitely had this experience many times of trying to relate the experience to himself on a linguistic level while inside the space (not out loud of course, but mentally, as if trying to encapsulate it linguistically for later self-debriefment), and all that comes out (and he can actually hear it audibly) is something along the lines of Qzzmxmzzxmnzxmynmnbmnzmnxnmnmnmxvnmfnfffssf, or an equally non-sensical brain twister. It's frightening too, as there is just no linguistic road map whatsoever, while at the same time he is absolutely lucid, alert and capable of astonishment. It's almost as if the experience were somehow coded or lock-protected against the possibility of returning with it intact.

I can relate to the above 2 paragraphs. When i breakthrough it seems to be the same place made up of what you describe in the first paragraph

I've never had any contact with clowns, elves, weird hyperspace burger bars (read soulfoods reports..) or anything like that either.. *confused*

Safe Travels

yea sometimes i get "stuck" in what i think is about to be a breakthrough, or maybe even it is, but you get caught in the first stages, the geometry is always there, but ya know the mandala comes first & then after awhile of that phase(if you took enough) you will breakthrough to even another space/dimension, you may come into contact with very smart beings who will shower you with love & knowledge, leaving you with a great experience & afterglow to share.

& sometime you get clowns who fuck with you, jokesters tricksters, evil realms,

Oh, this is breaking through, alright, trust me. This ain't no mandala or cathedral-like hallucination. This is a physical space, alive and intelligent, in which SWIM is both existing within, as if strapped to the inner workings of a gyroscope, and witnessing from outside, SIMULTANEOUSLY. It is like (and this is a stupid metaphor, but what else do we have) the engine that drives EVERYTHING. There is no linearity, no narrative, no linguistic communication, but this is breaking through, and there's no place there for clowns or anything even remotely recognizable from this plane.

I agree again

I'm breaking through I’m 110% sure...I get the pretty patterns at lower doses, but this is something else...see the quote above..

see, this is why i have a hard time explaining the breakthroughs i seem to tend toward. i feel like i can see the pattern everything is made of, and i am part of it. and in a way i feel as if my body disolves and becomes something like light. i just move through space within the pattern and occasionally bump into some random thought or object to which i bounce off of it and keep moving forming new additions to this pattern.

alan watts talks about life moving rythmically. when i break through i see that rythm, and in that space i become inextricably bound within it, yet free to move it in new directions.

oddly enough i have had this feeling before without spice. it seems to come before loss of conciousness, and this is probably why i associate it with death. not bad death, but what i, as an atheist (more or less), picture death to be like: a releasing of the energy that makes us "alive" back to where it came from; back to it's patern and cosmic course toward the nearest blackhole of sorts.