We all know that the 12th of december the aliens are coming to destroy our planet and every living thing on it. So, how to properly prepare oneself?

1-Whatever you do, DON´T PANIC. It is important to always keep it cool to increase chances of survival. They may come to destroy everything that matters to you, your house, your loved ones, your possesions even...but DON´T PANIC!!!!!

2-RUN!!!!RUN!!!! run like hell!!!!, the aliens are coming people, and they´re gonna KILL EVERYTHING in their way!! They´re gonna destroy our planet people, and all living things on it!!! RUN, RUN, RUN!!! as fast as you can. Doesn´t matter where you run to, but RUN FOR YOUR LIVES PEOPLE!!

3-Make sure that they can´t see you. Cover yourselves with a blanket or a sheet. Make sure that it´s in the color of your suroundings, so when there´s snow everywhere you need to cover yourself with a white sheet. It´s best to make eyeholes in it so that you can still run as fast as you can while you´re wearing your camouflage.

4-Underneath your blanket, you should be wearing mirrors to deflect their death rays. If you don´t have enough mirrors, you can paint yourself silver.

5-They can probably read minds or plant thoughts into your head of realy nasty alien stuff. You can only prevent this by wearing a helmet made of lead, solid gold or uranium that shields you from these brainwave radiation beams that they´ll use. A helmet made of lead, and it should be at least an inch thick.

6-Store can´s of beans. Lots of beans. And make sure you can open them.

7-When all else fails....pray!! pray people, pray. Pray to god that they won´t eat you but your neighbours instead. Pray that they´ll eat your neighbours people. Pray that they´ll eat all of your neighbours. Pray each night that the aliens will eat all of your neighbours alive. That´s the only thing that can save you. Pray that the aliens will come, just to eat your neighbours, and then leave. Pray with all your heart that they will eat your neighbours and leave, three times a day. Or maybe five times.

WTF

Yes indeed: We´re Totally Fucked, man. Just pray that they´ll eat your neighbours alive. that´s the only thing left to do now.

aliens dont scare me, or my cat

No... that's just what they'll be expecting us to do.

This worked as a child and it'll work again. When the aliens come back and begin harvesting our souls, and they'll shoot the light beam over you and your soul will be ripped from your body and imprisoned in a tube that carries a certain electronic frequency that forever traps the soul . . . meanwhile your body, now disensouled, is reverted back to a pure animal nature and chaos reigns . . . or perhaps the aliens will collect all the animal humans and use them as slaves and work them to death . . . no need to waste a good disensouled slave.

The souls are used to make intelligent machines and conscious machines.



Yeah, I'm really high right now . . .

The 12th? Okeeeey Mr. Dyslexic.

3rdI- You're cat has that "Fine, I guess I'll pose in this stupid hat" look on it's face. CLASSIC.

the cat is cool, but unfortunately isnt mine,

the bloke is very odd and fortunately isnt me.

Deceiver!

The following tactic just may buy you some valuable time.


Stock up on alien costumes. Get 'em on Nov 1st, when they're on sale post halloween. get a costume of every type, cover as many bases as possible. Definitely get a grey alien costume and a reptilian costume, and something insectoid too. When they show up, watch their mannerisms and movements, front like you're one of them. Once they seem tricked, you have at least 3 options. a) they think you're one them and take you on board...bad things can happen, such as getting found out. b) front just until an escape route shows itself. c) get aboard the space ship, find a self destruct button, or a way to shoot up the other vessels with alien plasma--save all of humankind! This will make you very desirable to the ladies, human ladies! after the aliens are gone. No, I'm not assuming the hero has to be male....but most males will be intimidated by a chick who is that heroic. Ladies, if you want to do that hero move, best be ready to munch some carpet afterwards, cause you'll be swimming in the tang.


Or get a plastic surgeon to make you look like an American president from the past century--any will do, whichever one is closest to you in height and weight. The aliens will recognize you as one of their own, hook you up with fine alien drugs and alien foods and alien sex, as reward for job well done, in prepping the earth for takeover. They will then perform the change-o back into alien procedure on you and then you will truly be safe. But you're stuck with aliens forever. Hope you like raw mice for dinner and tentacle sex and special K--cause that's how it's gonna be.

i hear they're planning to kick it off on Halloween so people just think they're humans in costumes, not pineal gobbling illuminati/reptilians



that cat is all.."uugghh FML"

This is a very good idea to post this at a time of urgency like this. i like your enhanced ability of foresight. SWIM has a submarine prepared, and plans to live underwater. He will later freeze himself for 1000 years. He also has contacted with one of the aliens' undercover agents who agreed to co-operate with him in return for 100 human carcasses delivered to him in secrecy. He intends to feast on it all by himself. He said he gains powers from these carcasses, and he grows taller and bigger with blood in his belly. In return, he will unfreeze SWIM after 1000 years and let him live. I think this is very critical and sensitive information that perhaps also needs to be reported to the conspiracy forums..(such as the ones claiming nexus to be in illuminati). I have goosebumps..

LMFAO . . . . when the rapture comes can I have your car . . . and drugs?

Ok, so I ran down to the lab and scraped up all my spare depleted uranium, poured a helmet according to your specs. But it's too heavy to lift. I think if I had help getting it up high enough I could fit it over my head, and then I'd be fine.

Reflective emergency blankets are perfect for death rays, ask anybody.

As far as costumes go, I hope they look like the Mars Attacks guys, so it'll fit over my helmet.

All those costumes and uranium helmets and angry foiled cats is overkill.

Didn't any of you get your Mystic Mayan Power Cloak?

Sounds like your preparing for burning man. )°(

Lol, i'm in!

Sorry, I just have to call BS on this one.
In prepartion for said event I made a telescope outta mirrors so I could spot the bastards inbound.
Even if they have their cloaking devices on, background stars do a pole dance when a cloaked ship passes in front of 'em.
First thing I find out is you just can't go to Walmart and buy a friggin mirror for your scope. Noooo you gotta grind and polish the damn thing so its concave; then you gotta have it aluminized which is putting the shiny stuff on the surface of the glass, which is where your number 4 falls apart.
All the Walmart mirrors have the shiny stuff on the second surface, that is, behind the glass so when the death ray hits it, it blows up and fries you like a bug.
Telescope mirrors have the shiny stuff on the first surface, so when the death ray hits it reflects right back at 'em. Plus the mirror is concave so it concentrates the beam, way cool.
I'd suggest if you don't have a telescope mirror under your blanket just drop trou and moon 'em, maybe they;ll get confused, think they invaded the wrong planet and go away.