Let me start by saying I have relatively no experience with drugs, I have had some very intense MDMA experiences, one fairly nice trip on acid and have smoked marijuana, eaten it and consumed it in various different ways. Mephedrome, Cocain, Speed, I have tried at least once on various occasions.
Yesterday I tried DMT, after watching The Spirit Molecule documentary and finding out about the drug severeal years ago, I did a lot of research, asked a lot of people about it, spent a long time trying to 'prepare' myself for what was the most profound, unexplainable experience I have ever had in my life so far.
the DMT we had, had unfortunately been left in a friends pocket over night and melted, we cut up the tinfoil it had been in and put this inside a glass pipe, giving us no clue as to how much of a dose we were taking, as we had a half gram I would assume the squares were somewhere between 50mg and 100mg each.
it was around 9:00pm GMT when we started the trip.
Initially, I smoked a big hit and didn't feel anything or at least didn't get a full on effect so, about 2 minutes later I hit another square and thats when the magic happened.
What I saw can only be described as reality breaking apart around me, we had some reggae playing in the background, the room literally fell apart, my friends disppeared, my body vanished, every kind of possible shape, colour, form, object, whatever they were I cannot even begin to describe in words, I saw shapes and colour I never thought could possibly exist, sounds I had never heard before, I was flying faster and faster into a vortex.
I thought for a brief second I had died and had to remind myself to breathe, I saw green and yellow computer mesh like infrastructure, like I could see the very fabric holding the room together, particles and stars, galaxies all over the room, light flowing in every possible direction, through me, through the couch I was laid on.
The trip then intensified, it felt like the universe was teaching me a lesson of how little I actually knew, was began as bliss became terror, absolute undescribable terror, as if the universe was saying 'Oh you think you know something? Have some of this and then tell me what you know'
I saw a multi coloured flowing woman? Man? entity? whatever it was, it was grinning and laughing at me, poking fun, the entity put it's hand inside it's mouth and I saw it spiraling in on itself, again and again and again, the entity just laughed more and danced around me. I heard screams and laughter, like the sounds of a billion souls crying out in pain, I knew at this point I was only terrified because I could not even begin to rationalise what I was seeing.
I realised I needed to find myself, find who I was and tell myself I can return at any time, I felt like I had been here before a billion trillion times, it felt like home, I felt my grandmother and all the people I had loved and lost then I felt it all at once, like an orgasm of indescribable magnitude. Time had stopped being relavent, it felt like I'd been in whatever place it was for a thousand years, still the laughter but it stopped being scary and became bliss. Instead of running in fear I embraced it and fell futher into the vortex.
After what seemed like an age reality started coming back together and I realised I could walk again, I could see my hands and my body, still flowing with light and energy, I turned on the light in the room and suddenly normality slammed back to earth, I could still see sacred geometry all around me in the walls, the ceiling, the floor but it gradually faded away.
I have concluded from this experience, that I was naive, I thought I knew something about the universe and what was, but nothing could have prepared me for that.
My addiction to cigarettes has almost vanished, I got home and hugged my brother, hugged my mother and hugged my friends before leaving, telling them I loved all of them, we are one, I am you, you are me, we are all together.
Honestly, there is so much I have missed in writing this experience but I have typed down as much as I possibly can remember or recall from it, it was a lesson for me and for me only, to learn to live a less selfish life and love unconditonally.
One can drive himself to madness in the obsessing goal of reason, without the knowledge of love and laughter.