Reality was stripped away from me tonight. I can't fully explain it but i was already in the after glow of one trip when i took 4 big ones in. I felt like trying to keep my eyes open this time around, and i tried to experience it like mushrooms where you can interact. Boy was that a mistake.

I felt like i was surround by a million facets of stringing energy and the whole room came to life as if all the matter was exerting some kind of light/energy. All the sudden this Buddha figure approached me and felt like it came into me. (this is all open eye shit) after that i could barely make sense of my environment i would turn my head and feel like the room was turning with me. I got this sense that what i was looking at after i turned my head was what i was looking at before. I kept trying to make sense of this colorful world. I kept feeling this feeling like my body was flowing with something there was this energy/warmth running through my blood. I than started to feel like i was separated from the room like I was floating in the midst of all this energy, I'd close my eyes and see a whole new world painted before me, like my soul was in between two worlds. I could see my world which still my world looked a lot different with my eyes open, and I could see this alien world which I can't fully describe when they were closed.

So i decided to look myself in the mirror, now that was just weird. (I usually do stare myself down in the afterglow and reflect but this time i was full blow) I can't really explain what i saw or who i saw or what it was i saw but it was insane. So trying to enjoy this weird world i decided to cut the lights and lay down. Thats when i started to look back at my life from the past week and where i am and who is in my life. In all honesty it felt like i was dying and flash backing my life, because everything sort of made sense like i would see how i go about my day from outside myself. I would witness my actions and others reactions and go ooooooo that makes sense now. I truly felt like i was gonna die or i was already dead.

I than kept switching between different parts of my life like water rushing from one beaker to another. I got this feeling that my memories were just moments in time and i could revisit them as i wished. I saw the pain, the love, i saw it all and it all just made sense. After that i got this feeling that everything in life is just energy moving about. Our souls our thoughts it's all just energy. I study the human brain and with my knowledge in how the brain works, i guess more or less helped me understand this new found understanding...if that even makes sense. I felt like we are granted with this life and are made to do with it what we wanted. I started to realize the fact i was getting older and my dreams of being a kid with such vast dreams were starting to fall apart. I'm only 20 and I have a lot ahead but the choices of professions, the choices of things you once felt you had to look forward to feel apart. I realize I was who I am and it wont change much. I felt this sudden urge that life is somehow completely pointless, that we live we learn and we die, and everyone must continue this process as i have, as you will, as anyone else will.

This trip was a total mind fuck. That I had an urge to share with people who might somehow in someway understand.

that sounds like quite the experience! the one thing though is that life isnt pointless..we are here to experience the world..we are doing it because that is all we can do! time is endless..so why not enjoy every waking moment..and sleeping moment

dmt can sneak up on you..especially if you are in the afterglow..SWIM always feels more comfortable smoking it in the afterglow...and most of the time wants to go farther...

the more you do this stuff...and you go through these enlightening experiences you will slowly start to become more comfortable with the new way of seeing...and you will be able to bounce back after crazy intense experiences much faster...for example...you will probably be thinking about this experience for a LONG time..because it was so nuts...well after you go through experiences like that a few times..you will notice that you can have a REALLY crazy experience at night..and by the next day..it was still crazy..but it doesnt get you all worked up..it will just be another crazy experience to share with close friends..but it wont be quite so earth shattering..because you have already shattered your world and rebuilt it so many times that it falls apart really easy..and you know how to rebuild it again easily..

congrats on your experience...a life changer i would say

Yeah, word to that!
Solve et coagula, my brethren! And welcome to the club.
We are... the mind-fucked ones!
Hail Eris!

God, SWIM hopes this is true. Because his last few have been increasingly scary and unnerving, and he's just at a loss as to how to get past it. He LOVES the experience overall (probably too much, which may be a primary source of his fear), but the profundity just seems to multiply with each journey, and the scope and depth of last couple have just been too great for him to ride out without enduring what felt like a literal eternity of terror. Yesterday, in the afterglow (or afterscare) of a massive breakthrough, he cut his dose in half and went again an hour later, only to feel the fear again (on a much lesser scale) and not break through (which in and of itself was frustrating and hugely unsatisfying).

How to move past the fear? I can't imagine that anyone who travels deeply and frequently doesn't contend with this issue at some point.

Sorry, this is what I was trying to quote...

there is most certainly fear..the best advice i can give is to SMILE..it shows the world you are ready and eager...and nonthreatening..i mean really..how would you feel(being a dmt elf) if all these wicked stone faced 'kids' kept busting in on you..without even smiling! greet them with a smile..and the light will shine on you..

Haha your such a fuckin geezer Jorkest

Hey there today,

Arguably one aspect to look at [especially as you are studying the human brain] is the nature of it as a 'filter of the experience'.
i.e. that whatever 'mood/sense' that you go into the trip with you also tend (to an extent) to perceive with that sense.
[like Nietzsche wrote 'If you look long enough into the void the void begins to look back through you']

so, (perhaps), if you go into that space and take aspects of ego (e.g. preconceptions) with you, you end up not so much going in there but returning what you (subconsciously) tried to take in with you back at you.
[e.g. like light against a mirror], while your consciousness can pass thru, the ego is reflected back (and if you keep trying to push that thru then it keeps getting reflected back (as it can't pass thru) and consequently amplified (so... don't necc .go in there if you aren't prepared to let it all go... i imagine that's what the experienced hands on this forum have down better than most). equally you could teach yourself meditation techniques, alot of scientific studies on psychedelics like to use people with meditation backgrounds as they have some extra back ups on hand.

but yeah, that's just my couch philosophy.

and re studying the brain, don't worry so much about what you learn @ undergrad level, once you get on further with it you'll find out it is very very different to the stuff they get you to learn @ the start
it also gets a lot more exciting too (and trippier).
you are here now, make the most of it and get twice as much bang for your buck!

Glad to hear! It will definitely show you things that are impossible but possible! Words can't even describe the experience honestly. SWIMS done it over 100 or so times, along with ayahausca. Both incredible life changers to say the least. Glad to hear all went well for you man!

Peace-n-Love

ha not an old geezer..SWIM is only 23

Ah man i agree completly i've noticed this with my trips. But this was the craziest trip i've ever had.

for the record this isn't the first time, perhaps i guess the first breakthrough? if i just let myself be broken through prolly woulda been better. But thanks guys, this is my favorite chemical to experience this world through. People say you can't learn much from it, but i beg to differ. I think this chemical can teach you more than you're willing to accept. While others you can reflect on new understands while experience them, this is just pure experience, and reflection afterwards. But enough of my rambeling.

No i agree, life is beautiful. But all the while pointless. I didn't mean to write that sounding like a nut who thinks there is nothing to life. Because life is just that, to live, and to live it to experience.

a joke even!! or a game..its like playing video games or reading a novel..completely pointless..except its FUN!

Qn...?

Does an experience have to 'have a point' to be worthwhile?
being that 'point' is a matter of perspective and (would that mean?) under the influence of choice/free will?
arguably art can be pointless yet still beautiful.

Yeah i meant it in the British sense. i.e. a dude

haha over my head:O

jorkest: to bring you up to speed, watch a few of these:
http://www.youtube.com/w...ccgU&feature=related


... little bit ittle bit werrrr, a little bit weyyyyyy, a little bit arrrrgggh.

im a geeza!

Haha, the fast show, excellent.


Dont show him that, i dont want him to think I think hes dodgy. I meant geeza like a diamond geeza.

blah, non-brits.

Jorkest: geeza is definately a term of appreciation

Swim had an intense breakthru today but also felt the fear overwhelming. I think the fear comes from such COMPLETE detachment that one might think that there is no return to the old self.
Very scary for me today.

Peace