I recently got caught up in a fascinating conversation and we decided we would enjoy hearing a LOT more opinions on this topic. It is NOT an easy question. And having been involved in a marriage for nearly a quarter century, I do it daily but I'm out of practice doing it with new folks . . .

When do you say "I Love You" to the person you are with?

When is it right/appropriate to use the "L Word?"

when they have already reloaded the GVG for when you drop back into reality

Interesting question. I tend to tell many friends "I love them", but that doesn't mean I'm necessarily "in love with them". That word has so many connotations to people based on their past experiences. It's never come easily to me when dating, so I'm interested in hearing other's perspectives as well.

This...

... Or when you love him/her . I guess everyone has their different levels of "love meter" until it reaches the "I luv u" -stage

I never said it to a girl yet, Im starting to think that I give too much importance to it

When you say those words to a romantic partner for the first time, there is a huge weight to that- it's a signal that you want to take things to the next level.

I've probably said that to 4 or 5 partners in my 43 years. The most recent I've been with for 20 years, and I never get tired of telling her that. Some moments, it still feels like the first time.

As far as non-romantic partners go: it feels great to be able to express love freely. But we have all these defenses and the word can be misinterpreted, so in general I think we tend to be conservative about expressing love.

There have been times I've told a friend I love them while tripping. After that, it's really easy to say it again sober, because there's a deep understanding of what is intended.

The greatest thing about love is that we potentially have an infinite supply. That's how I'm able to love all of you!

It may sound like an obvious answer, but I say "I Love You" when I feel it, when I want my partner to hear it and to feel it as well. I'm not using it lightly now, because it means more the older I get.

I spent a long time in a past relationship only saying it as an echo, or as an answer to some question that expected an even answer, a reassuring answer. I've learned a lot from that mistake. Now I am with someone with whom I never have to compromise.

My friend was on a date a while back, turned out his date wasn't actually his date and she was setting him up with her friend, we are in Asia. This friend after ten minutes of meeting my friend was saying so do you love me? I couldn't stop laughing, those wacky Asians, gotta love them, or not Lol

With my last girlfriend who I was with for 6 years it was after 3 months or so but then it was because I did, and I actually held back because of our western views on the seriousness of the word.

I also think you can love more than one person at the same time, to have a relationship with two people at the same time probably won't work id imagine though Ive read story's of three way relationships, 2 girls and a guy, sounds pretty nifty but is it going to last? I could easily love two woman though, why not? A lot of cultures men have many wives. I love my friends too and regularly tell them, these are my tripping friends though doesn't seem to flow so easily with others funnily enough.

I also was with someone like vodsel who said it all the time and it just cheapened it and seemed silly, as if they constantly needed validated. I don't think it's a big deal tbh it should be obvious by your actions.

I want to thank everyone for your replies thus far. The variety of responses thus far are great, . . . I have found myself resonating with several of them.

Speaking for myself, focusing strictly on the romantic context, I don't have much experience as I have been with the same man for 24 years now and we say "I love you every day," meaning more than a habitual exercise . . . we really do love each other. We always say it when we part, understanding that life is short and everything is uncertain . . . .We first said it quite early on in our relationship. I had never felt like that with someone before. I wanted to share everything with him and felt safe enough risking rejection when saying, "I love you," . . .

I hope folks will keep it coming. This is a fascinating question for many people . . .

Peace & Love

There are so many kinds of love.

I do love the majority of people on the human level and it may slip out in a moment of exuberance even to someone I hardly know. Sometimes this one echoes through me in hall-ways around strangers, park benches, or on side-walks, usually unspoken but if presented it would come out.

Then again though, there is that other love that shoots you out of your body that you feel for every immeasurable amount of space. That comes out mostly in meditation but if I'm talking about meditation it might fly out toward another person.

Then there's that special friend love where someone is just fantastic and you love their being. You can feel where they come from and want to be with them wherever we're going. It's like having another brother or sister.

On that note there is also family love. You know like hey big brother 'I love ya you crazy bastard'. We come from the same situation and know each other on another level.

And there's nurturing love, you know when you're helping someone out, or doing good deeds. You don't even necessarily feel it for the person but it's carried through the actions. Kinda ripples and receives that way, through acts of kindness. Or maybe someone is doing an act of kindness for you and you receive it that way.

Then there's this romantic love, that I have yet to understand but it seems to start becoming vocalized for me at least after two people who really like each other either have a wonderful turn of events and/or when things go bitter and the two people stick together through it. Haven't said it like that for shit, 6 or 7 years.

Maybe I abuse the word to some peoples disapproval. Then again I genuinely do love people, and feel it's the only word to properly describe the way I feel about them at certain times.

On the first date. Works half the time, every time.

For family and friends you should say it as often as possible. In a romantic situation I think it's best to wait until you feel like you are ready to really be yourself with someone and to be responsible in shaping part of that persons life. It's like you are letting that person know that you want to entangle your lives, which entails a lot so be careful with it!

One of the things I really enjoy about the German language is how they talk about love:
If you are telling someone very close to you (Mom, Wife, Sig.Other) you say "Ich liebe dich." which is "I love you."
If you are telling a dear friend you love them you would say "Ich habe dich liebe." which is "I have love for you."
One of those cool things about the language.

LOVE ALL DAY!

First time I made love with my current partner, I covered her ears during sex and said it. When I really feel it, I just gotta say it. Romantic love tends to happen fast anyway....I have no set time for when it's cool to say "I love you" but then if I've been seeing a woman for a couple months and she's not cool with the words, well, the relationship will end real soon. I can't be with someone who's too uptight or uncomfortable with their own feelings anyway.

Aaaah, the L word, how Loaded it is! How charged with passion and hopefulness... I said it to my partner after a month of seeing each other. It was burning a hole in my chest and I couldn't restrain myself any longer. 5 years later and we are still on the same page. I don't know about any one else, but you just know when the time is right. Love is a beautiful thing

Just when I've had too much ecstasy or when I'm on the phone to my mother. Otherwise I'm lying...

Apparently.

Love comes in all manner of shapes and sizes for differnt occasions and I fall in love very easily.

I'm also quite content with the fact that its possible to love someone who doesn't love you back. At times like this, its better to say "thanks!" rather than "no you dont".

It's easy to fall in love when you're happy and really difficult to get out of love when you're sad.
I've had a long relationship where I felt profoundly in love with someone, but I've also felt the same emotions from shorter relationships where the feeling wasn't mutual.

The problem is many folk see love as a contract that is legally binding and need to get the lawyers out before they feel its worth making a commitment. I just like to seize the day.

This doesn't mean my words carry less weight, it just means I'm very aware of my.own.mortality.

I remember the first time I told a girl I loved her. I got the cliche' replies, told her not to freak out, then a few weeks later she said the same.

Just love without fear and any understanding partner worth their salt will see you through

It's important to differentiate love from lust. I think love takes some time to settle in. With my current girlfriend it took me about 9 months or so.

Apparently this was too long for her! lol. She felt it much earlier I guess but thought that it was the guys place to say it first.

I felt it maybe a month or 2 before that point but wanted to be sure. I also didn't want to set the stage for a relationship that I didn't think was going to go further.

If you say it be sure your ready for long term commitment.


On a side note it blows me away when people say "I love you" a month in and get married 3 months later... Your basically playing the lottery at that point and sometimes people get lucky. There is no way you can fully know someone well enough to commit yourself to them for life in as little as a few months.

Why? My first girlfriend at the age of 12 I loved and told her so, it was the only word that would describe how I felt about her. Lasted 2 months LOL As Soulfood says just because you say it doesn't mean you are entering a legally binding contract that ties you for a long period of time!! Thats just social conditioning.



Try telling that to my auntie and uncle, they got married after 6 weeks together and are still together 24 years later, 2 children one grandchild! Just saying

IMO it would be cold hearted and jerkish to tell a girl I love her and then break up with her 2 weeks later..

The breakup would be a bit more harsh would you not agree?


In regards to the marriage thing, as I stated some people get lucky. Compatibility is prevalent enough amongst general society that occurrences like the one you mentioned are common enough.

I for one would rather not take that risk.

That being said, its impossible to truly know because most people don't even fully know themselves. Even this being the case there is something to be said in regards to the test of time.

Researchers at Kansas State University found “a strong correlation...between length of time spent dating their current spouses and current marital satisfaction.”

Source: http://dialogue.adventis...articles/11_2_pelt_e.htm