I managed to get my hands on some DMT a couple of days ago and have experimented with it a couple of times. I haven't had a breakthrough yet, I didn't think it would require this much composure to handle this drug, heh. Yes, it's indescribably intense. I wasn't prepared for it and at first I was very confused, but I think I'm starting to get a handle on this thing.

I'm still going for a breakthrough, and although I am now quite certain the only limiting factor has been my technique, there are some things that I'd like some input on, because from my trips I've felt like there's something I need to do mentally to break through.

I made 3 attempts two days ago and yesterday another 2. Today I'm giving it a rest. The most prevalent and powerful theme/experience I've gotten out of this almost every try is that I had the impossibly distinct and real feeling that I became god again and that my life as a human being was an illusion I had created for myself to escape the loneliness of being the only thing in existence. I felt omnipotent and omniscient, yet the state of being god was in a particularly strange way unbearable, so I quickly make the choice to go back to my life again. This happened three times, the same although different. My other two attempts I encountered entities even though I didn't break through (I haven't seen the "chrysanthemum" yet). These entity encounters were really the most scary and confusing for me. The first one was very deceptive and felt like he was testing me, imploring me to find out something, to realize something and show it that I knew. I thought very hard but couldn't find out, and then it seemed to reveal to me that he was actually me, with that the trip faded. The second time many what I can indeed only describe as deceptive, absolutely disgusting gnomes kind of did the same thing as the first entity, but they were much less circumspect and were really pushing my buttons so to speak, this is the experience that really put me off the most. I was engaged in a sort of debate with them, although it was less like a debate than a defense for me. It appeared that through their form (they had an extremely biological/fleshly appearance which disgusted me immensely, but not their "true" form I think), they were showing me my insignificance and worthlessness as a physical, biological creature. They were like, "see, you think we are are disgusting huh, well that's what you're like to us". But I noticed something was off, because through their assault they were pushing me to do this same thing as the other entity, to give them something, to think and assess myself. And I remembered I'd read something about the elves sometimes being like traders and I thought what could it be that they want? And then I literally thought/told them, "aha, it is karma that you want from me", and they literally flinched and folded in on themselves, refused to show me any more, and with that the trip ended. The dislikable part about this experience especially (although I've felt it on the others to a lesser degree) was that it imparted feelings of extreme disgust with my physical body, I mean, my body actually did feel like some gross organic construct, with heavily negative themes of sexuality and material pleasure.

There's one more thing I want to say about my last experience, the becoming god one, this one was extremely intense emotionally for me. In fact I cried my heart out on the comedown, I was semi aware of this. I mean not just crying, it was almost animal, in fact it was, I haven't cried like that since I was 1 y/o. I'm sure if I'd had neighbors they would have thought I'd just lost my only child whereas in fact it was more of a weird combination of extreme joy and physical discomfort due to the drug. Has anyone else experienced this?

Another problematic point for me, my body reacts very badly to the DMT, as it does to most drugs. The smell and taste of the smoke make me cringe, I have pre-flight anxiety because of it. Yesterday laying in bed just the thought of the trips that day made me perceive the smell. Once the smoke is in my body it feels distinctly toxic, and I can physically feel my body trying to move this bubble of toxic fumes around internally, to somewhere where it can do little harm, which mostly means my mouth. So I have no control over keeping it all in my lungs, I end up with beaver cheeks haha. Anyway, it makes my body feel so bad so fast that I have trouble properly dosing. I've tried multiple times to inhale more than one hit but botched it every time simply because I can't think straight for the immense discomfort coming from my body. Afterwards I don't feel particularly bad but when I inhale deeply my lungs do feel somewhat uncomfortable.

The strong feeling I got from these entities, was that there is something I need to do in order to break through, like they're telling me, "think deeper, you know the answer, it is in you", but I can't figure it out. And this is my main question I think, has anyone else had to make a sort of mental breakthrough or felt like they had to in order to break through? Or is it entirely dependent on dosage?

The body reactions that you have had seem similar to mine on my few trips but I guess it's something I can deal with. I mean next option is taking ayahuasca which has significant more disadvantages relatively to body reactions than smoalking. The most uncomfortable body reaction I get by the time I hold my hit is the cracking sound in my head and I read it's quite common. I mean it's like your brain is something like a billiard ball that cracks like an ice cub in hot water and you listen to it so clear I almost panicked the first time I had this experience and exhaled the smoke immediately.
Well about your trip, I can't tell you much since I'm not sure if I've gone that far. But it seems similar to a persistent argument I have during my trip (I'm not sure if it's with my self or with entities) about letting go. I suppose it has to do with inner state and power of will. I mean it can't be the same every time you try to reach hyperspace.
One thing is for sure. Time improves skill and skilled trippers can command entities. So patience and will must be improved to see the chrysanthemum.

Sounds like you broke through allready.what exactly do you think a break through is? I once came back balling my eyes out.and was also worried the neighbors heard me.lol.thank you for posting and look forward to reading more.happy travels !

Thanks for the replies!

ckld, that's really interesting, I also experienced the head cracking sound thing once I think. I'd already forgotten about that so thanks for bringing it up. I also blew out immediately in panic. But it wasn't just a sound, it was a feeling too, I'd compare it to the cracking of your neck/limbs you sometimes get after sleep except way stronger. In fact I simply dismissed it as such because my tendons/whatever are apparently very prone to cracking, haha, happens on an hourly basis. But this one felt like an earthquake in my head, and my very first impression was that the insides of my head had been spontaneously liquified or something.

TimeCat, I'm not sure but my trips have been 1 or 2 scenes/visual themes in total only and were all very short subjectively. I haven't seen this chrysanthemum thing I think, though I have had crazy visuals (but nothing very distinct/elaborate). I also remained in my room and physical body to varying degrees at all times. I haven't experienced actual 3d environments as people seem to speak of with breakthroughs.

it totally seems like you've broken through. you're just being too critical of yourself. i feel like a lot of the hype surrounding crack can be a little misleading. in fact i felt somewhat disappointed my first break. but each time you go a little deeper and become a little more aware of the not-so-subtle impressions.
and as far as the police thing, i believe that is quite a normal phenomenon. most people come out saying things like "i just can't grasp what their trying to teach me". in fact one time a friend who had just come out of a blast said "i think i finally get it" implying that he'd learned all that he could. another friend replied saying "fine, no more crack for you".
another thing to keep in consideration though is lighting. are you journeying in the dark, the day or somewhere in the middle?

Well that is very slightly disappointing, but I guess ayahuasca is still there

I've tripped both day and night and it didn't seem to make too much of a difference since I was in my room at the same spot all times. I am thinking of tripping somewhere else though, because it seems these trips are relatively similar.