Hello everyone,

It has been quite some time since I have posted here. I write to ask for help in curing my depression through Ayahuasca, and I don't know where else to turn. Please bear with me.

My life has always been tinged with depression since my early teen years... I had a difficult time as a child, suffering from extreme hyperactivity and consequently I never had many friends. In high school, I became outright depressed and was on Prozac for approximately 6-8 months to deal with my misery. Since that time I must admit my life has been ruled by a deep, underlying bitterness and hate for others for the loneliness that they caused me and the endless days of crying myself to sleep as a child. It must have been so difficult for my parents to see me like that... Obviously, this life outlook isn't exactly healthy. So, after years of bitterness and sadness, the last six months have found me on Cipralex to deal with my life situation which has taken me away from my escape and brought me back to the country and place where this all started. I will not bother with any further details, as I do not wish to evoke pity or burden you with the specifics of my situation.

To make things short, I want to ease myself of my depression medication, and substitute it for regular vigorous exercise and a more natural therapy, i.e. Ayahuasca. I must admit, I am scared of losing control to the Ayahuasca and succumbing to panic and fear.

I would like to ask you if it is worth a try, and whether there is a chance that the Ayahuasca may cure my deep-seeted hatred for others, and as I have learned through introspection recently, my own self-hatred.

Any insights, comments, or sharing of experiences would be so much appreciated. I want to thank you all again for the honesty and maturity that you display day after day when helping each other through the nexus, and for all the help I recieved from you in helping my friend integrate his difficult DMT experiences.

Take care,

Eternity.

Definitely! Will probably make a huge difference. Also, improving ones diet is great for mood, if you don't already do that. I'm confident you'll get to where you want to be

The prescription drugs for depression needs to be stopped some weeks before turning to caapi.
But, microdose caapi, if you look into different preparation method (i.e. extraction of alcaloids and glycerin tincture) would be really appropriate for a day to day therapy that dosen't involve psychedelia in your every day life.
On hte other hand we don't have much qualification to advice you, so this is all to be taken with a grain of salt.

It's possible that ayahuasca might be able to help you with your depression, but I see two obvious routes that the experience may take in the event that you are successful. On one hand, the experience may be painful: stirring up bad memories, emotions, feelings, etc...however in the end this all culminates to a healing experience (perhaps only in retrospect). On the other hand, the whole thing can go off without a hitch and it can be beyond marvelous, also culminating in healing. There's also that chance that things don't go too well, and you don't get much out of it, but it seems like most people are able to make a lot out of negative experiences (so long as you don't get caught up in an existential dilemma which is where I feel most people can really get stuck). My first experience with ayahuasca (third experience with DMT) was indeed a rather difficult experience, but I felt like I came out of it a much stronger person, and all my other ayahuasca and pharmahuasca experiences since then have been magical and spiritually amazing. I used to consider myself depressed (not diagnosed or on meds or anything), but since spice has come into my life, I've practically forgotten there was even that rather dark period in my life.

Have you had your vitamin D levels checked ?

Thanks for the replies guys,

r0m - I would definitley stop the medication weeks before dosing with the vine... something to the tune of 6 weeks. I would be more interested in the full blown psychedelic experience, and I am more concerned with how to go about finding my sweet spot dosage wise as well as dealing with the experience during the fact.

gobalswg - Thanks for the input. I would like to ask you if I could ease into the experience by dosing with a caapi only brew starting at 5 grams, observing my reaction and symptoms, then 10g the next day, and so on in increments of 5g. Do you think this would be a safe way to go about it to reduce any possible bad episodes and to find my proper dosage?

Felnik - No, I have never gotten my vitamin D levels checked. However, I dont think this is the problem since before beginning the depression medication I was on multi vitamin supplements, an, as jungleheart pointed out, my diet is nothing short of exemplary (mostly vegetarian with the exception of fish and chicken from time to time) combined with a great deal of time spent outdoors.

Thanks again for the replies everyone, I look forward to hearing more of what you think on the subject.

Eternity.

diet and exercise.....DIET AND EXERCISE!! That alone will do miracles. Treat your mind and body good and it will do the same to you. Then take the plunge. I haven't yet, but from what i read it's a powerful healer. Just prepare yourself.
Good luck, and i hope everything works out for you.


Peace

Thanks for the tip Skeemer. I should mention that I have been on a rehab strength training program for the past 6 months following some joint issues from my previous strength training life style (I was pretty fit), and I have recently decided to start running regularly as part of my alternative self-therapy. I also spend at least 14 hours a week hiking alone through the hills and forests around here as I enjoy the isolation and imersion in nature. I have been doing this since I was a child though, so its nothing new.

Take care,

Eternity.

With caapi, a "bad episode" as I think you are referring to is not the same as a "bad episode" with other drugs. It's not purely a matter of dosage (thought it can be)... at any sort of visionary dose, caapi will probably make you confront your issues at some point. It will be emotionally trying. You will probably feel stronger afterwards. This is part of the healing. Going up in small daily increments isn't a bad idea, but unless you keep it at purely sub-psychedelic levels (less than 20-30 grams?) you will most likely encounter some parts of yourself... But this is natural, and beneficial.

To be honest, I've figured out nearly as much about myself from the dreams that caapi experiences bring afterwards than from the experiences themselves. Stuff will come to the surface....

I don't believe anyone ever regrets taking ayahuasca.

I don't know if ayahuasca can help you with depression or not, but I think it's possible. You've discovered that outward hate is simply a reflection of self hate. What you need to do now is give yourself some love and forgiveness. Ayahuasca can help do that in a very deep and meaningful way. But it isn't a magic wand that is going to change everything in an instant. I expect there will still be a lot of hard work to do.

I think in order to get the most out of this kind of healing it would be wise to find a good ayahuasca healer that could work with your disease for the highest effect. I've never drank with a healer but it just makes sense that if you have an illness as unforgiving as depression that you wouldn't want to waste energy trying to self medicate in a clueless fashion. Not to say you're clueless, but these guys have a lifetime of experience.

In the meantime, have a little compassion for the rest of the human race. You may not see it on the surface but nearly everyone out there is carrying around some kind of soul-sucking burden. While depression is not my particular affliction, I know what an unescapeable hell it must be and it probably brings you little comfort, but what ayahuasca made clear to me is that the light of Love is *always* flowing to us and through us. We only need to be present enough to receive it. Good luck to you.

YES YES YES!



Well it's probably not going to cure you all by it self but if you're willing to heal and change Aya will definitely be a good start and might show you things you need to see and from a higher perspective.

I've battled depression myself and mushrooms helped me a lot.
So I wish you well and safe journeys

As far as the caapi goes, starting with a small dosage and working your way up would definitely be the smart and responsible way to go. Once you find a dosage that you're comfortable with and that also would allow for full MAO inhibition, then you can proceed to adding the DMT portion to the mix once you feel ready, and I would start low and work my way up on that end too (3g mimosa perhaps? some need more some need less even)

Thank you so much everyone for your replies!

Based on the suggestions I received, I beleive the course of action to take in the future will be to obtain a whole B. Caapi vine and introduce myself to Ayahuasca very slowly and methodically over a period of time. I will first consult my physician regarding the SSRIs and gradually reducing the dosage until it becomes zero.

Hopefully I will be able to work with the vine. I am concerned about the body load as I am not one to take nausea very well... But, the only way to find out, as with everything realted to the mind, is to go ahead and experiment.

Thanks again for your suggestions and help everyone, I really appreciate it.

Take care,

Eternity.

as DMTripper stated above I don't think Aya can cure you. Depressions develop over months, sometimes years IME, insidiously, infiltrating the mind. For me depressions are in part the result of bad habits of the mind / negative thought patterns that have a certain potential well into which the state of mind falls into. It can be very hard to break these patterns or habits especially because we don't see them for what they are often. Ayahuasca or other psychedelics can probably/IME help you identify the habits. In some occasions you might even be able to break a few of them. But more likely it will be up to you to do the legwork and break these habits yourself, which will take effort - because it is quite an act to change something that you are so intimately identified with as your mind. It is so radical a notion.

I wish you the best. I hope psychedelics can assist you in your internal revolution.

Love
Enoon

I know that before I took ayahuasca, if you would have asked me what the number one "ailment" that I would never want to have again for the rest of my life, I was in fact telling people it was nausea. Nausea can truly be one of the most unsettling sensations in the book. Having said that, I find myself able to deal with the nausea of oral DMT experiences pretty well (keeping in mind that I have a very weak stomach and I get nauseous pretty much every time). For me personally, in my experiences I've found that it's easiest to not to try reducing the nausea, so that way when you have to purge, you're not stuck somewhere inbetween and can't. I know it may sound a bit counter-intuitive perhaps, but when I'm the most nauseous it means it's gonna be an easy and thorough purge and if you can hopefully get everything up on the first time around, then you shouldn't be nauseous at all for the duration of the experience.

Peyote would be more effective and less demanding than aya, for depression : no food restriction, longer effects and afterglow, minimal nausea ( even at strong doses, which you don't need), much euphoria, almost no incapacitating, very grounding, daily safe medication.

I totally disagree with gazal's assessment. For SWIM, low doses of mescaline are much more emotionally draining than even high doses of caapi, and the effect compounds over days. There's no food restriction for caapi either, the caapi afterglow is stronger and longer than cactus for SWIM, you can microdose caapi daily for the most effective antidepression use.

With a tannin-binding step, there's significantly less nausea than cactus, in her experience.

you have the truth within you already, find it however you need to.

aya is an amazing tool, have faith with the medicine, and she will bless your soul infinitely with love

breath deep and find appreciation in nature and your sensations

you are god, remember?

I have honestly to state that I'm very less personally experienced with peyote than with ayahuasca, but i'm regularly unpdated by friend working sistematically with hikuri in its traditional cerimonial contest.
It's normal for natives the daily intake of hikuri, even in young age, but even if assessed useful by many testimonials ayah is rarely used in that way.
In my opinion caapi-only intake is another approach : i believe that for depression it is better that an admisture containing brew, given that DMT could be more dissociative. I agree also that microdoses require almost none food restriction, but it depends largely by what one's usual diet is .

Taking carefully into account their different features i think both could be excellent medicines.
It's also worth remember that nausea and purge are an important aspect of the healing and re-balancing potentialities of these plants.
Caapi has the huge advantage to be more easily purchased, with lesser environmental impact and without legal implications.