Saturday, May 21, 2011
1946 mgs San Paapi & 3 hits strong White on White
This seemed the perfect day for a big trip. It had been a long time so all tolerance would be extinguished and I felt I really needed it. Not to mention that one of the crazies that are starting to come out of the woodwork with our approach to 2012 declared that the Christian Biblical rapture would happen today at 6:00 p.m. EST. Since the apocalypse was coming, why not try for an apocalyptic trip?
I did House's Cacti Preparation Tek, following the directions very carefully and adding half of a 45 gram aya brew during reduction. When I decanted 3 times I got a lighter top liquid that ultimately dried to reddish brown resin material - many grams and also got a darker, more solid layer each time that dried to brown powder with large shards of very clear crystals. This powder couldn't be anything other than cactus product, mescaline, harmalas . . . given the prep. It was 1946 mgs so I scraped it up and put it into 4 capsules. Kept the resin for some later date.
So, I took the first two capsules at about 1:00 p.m., that being 1 gram of the San Paapi preparation. Felt I had an alert within 45-50 mins, which seemed fast for mescaline, but I went ahead and ate the other two capsules and placed the 3 hits of strong White on White LSD under my tongue right at 2:00 p.m. Before even 10 more minutes had passed I was getting slammed by the San Paapi. I was tripping, visual and my head was nodding. I could feel it coming on hard.
I have always marveled at the delightful music enhancement effect of psychedelics – every note seems longer, deeper, more meaningful, every piece of music sounds different from the way it sounded before. This trip was no exception and I noticed very early on strong synaesthesia effects behind closed eyes. I quickly stumbled to the bathroom to pee, knowing it would be awhile . . .
After very little time had passed I was down for the count. I felt a shaking come upon my limbs and a penetrating cold throughout my body, . . . . and then a flood of incredible melting warmth and the strong need to lie down. I crawled under my covers and lay down on my side.
The funny thing is, I lost it around 2:45-2:50 p.m., which was 10-15 mins before the official time of the nutcases’ predicted rapture event. I missed whatever was happening in the chat at the actual moment but was getting rapidly drawn ever deeper into my own vision.
What followed was very strange and quite amazing. Also gaspingly beautiful and breathtaking. Once again I come out of a deep trip feeling that I have learned nothing truly new, nothing I didn’t know before, and yet it has been shown/illustrated to me (via visionary experience)in a new way.
My mind felt like it was dissolving slightly. No control. I didn’t try. I was glad I was safe in bed.
My identity and time placement boundaries rapidly began to loosen and dissolve. I was so open, but it was a hallucinatory/delusional openness. My mind was freed and connected and moving around among different people’s experience in different historical times. I was people of different races/ethnicities/cultures/gender than my own, existing within various times. I felt like I touched lives that were at the bitter end of the utmost poverty, desperation and true despair. I felt I touched lives that had throughout their span tasted nothing but extreme priveledge. Ignorance and deep thought. Loss and gain. Youth and age. Love and hate. It was all right there in its glory.
It was more specific than this though. I saw this specifically illustrated in visions. There was an elderly, dark-skinned, bitter woman who was curled up and using her hand to motion, No/Away for offers of help/assistance. There was an elderly, dark-skinned heterosexual couple stepping out of a luxury car with assistance both for driving and the door, very elegantly dressed, dripping in jewels and haut couture.
The above is a singular example of an illustration. I saw many other people, different times, different cultures, but the illustration was always the same.
No matter who I looked at, no matter who I felt I was . . . radiating off from them in a manner that I can only describe as hyper-dimensional, were these gorgeous curves, lines, angles, squiggles, curlicues just dripping in deep saturated colors with predominance of blue, purple, green and red. Deeply saturated but filled with an inner vibrance and light, these symbolic angles, these lines/squiggles coming off of everyone, everywhen.
This went on for awhile, much of the movement occurring synaesthetically with the music I had playing. Soon a kind of visionary peak approached. I am unsure of the time and it is difficult to describe. It’s like I felt all the joy and horror, delight and tragedy of all these lives and times I had touched and instantly integrated it with the dark realizations from my last (perhaps final) DMT trip – the nihilistic ones focusing on how all human endeavor from childbearing to striving for excellence is a pathetic little cry against the big long dark.
Nothing new was being realized here just as nothing new was realized on that dark journey that I took April 2nd. But to have it so beautifully and elegantly illustrated, to be reminded in this way . . . .
We’re all the same. It’s all part of the same overall whole. All of the forms and games and masks and shields are just that. Underneath it all, we are one and the same. There was no real, definable, truly meaningful difference being shown to me in all those people I viewed. And when I looked with my hyper-dimensional, psychedelic eyes, they really were all one, all the same. The symbolic hopes/dreams/ambitions/fears, etc. coming off of them in angles, squiggles and more illustrated this.
I honor and treasure individuality, but again, to have this beautiful reminder of lack of fundamental difference, was very calming somehow.
Soon thereafter the peak occurs and I am completely immersed in the vision now. I have risen above the previous perspective to see all the lines, curliques, angles, etc. rise up and out of the people to begin a spinning ascension. I too am drawn up.
Everything comes together into a most gorgeous, gigantic, slowly spinning, infinitely detailed, vaguely vase shaped with many crenelations, holiday type ornament. This beautiful, blue, purple, green, red and all other colors object is symbolic of this oneness concept that I had been exploring. Here it was in its’ visionary glory for me to behold. Spinning slowly to the sound of “Sweet Demure” playing by Beats Antique in the background. Somehow that song really was the perfect soundtrack for the peak on this trip - no matter what, no matter how sweet or even demure, all one, all the same.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IxPUbrDwTsWatching this symbolic ornament spin in black space was breathtakingly numinous. There's no other word that even approaches what I felt. I didn’t feel I had met God but felt I had touched something very primal, very fundamental about the Universe and people. I do believe that someday “God”(that which started the Universe) and the mathematicians and/or quantum cosmologists are going to shake hands eventually. And I believe that when the deep answers come, they will be surprisingly shamanistic, surprisingly psychedelic in their fundamental nature. The Ultimate Entanglement. The Numinosity of Connection. Felt like I got a glimpse.
The rest of the trip was filled with what I can only describe as pure psychedelic fun. 4:00 rolled around and it was one of the absolute most challenging times feeding my cats I had ever experienced. I was so tripped out and not really all that steady on my feet. Managed to get the deed done and crawl back onto my bed to check into chat.
I was highly intoxicated and getting strong and bizarre yet delightful effects including what I’d call cognitive delusions. I was sure the text was appearing backwards or at least each individual word was backwards but that I could still read . . . I became convinced that I was open enough to be receiving information almost in a gestalt, morphic field kind of manner. Difficult to precisely elucidate. Very fun at the time. Passed rather quickly.
As 4:20 rolled around the room went crazy. Shadowman-x was in there doing some kind of countdown I think. I do remember him being kind of silly but then he disappeared after that.
Somewhere along the line Mindlusion or someone came in and said the movie they were watching was weird tripping, then admitted it was “Kill Bill Vol. 1.” I LOL’d at the movie selection and said, “You need less arterial spray for better tripping.”
The rest of the night was filled with silliness and lots of love and connection. I don’t actually remember a lot of details. There was a definite trancy aspect to this entire trip, keeping my head up was a challenge.
I had a lot of very strong visual effects throughout the afternoon and evening – every time I viewed any sort of texture, it seemed heavy runes, symbols and all kinds of meanings flowed and flew off . . . .
I was very surprised to find bedtime coming early. I had been sure I’d be up all night, but I was tired. Still had visions of faces slowly spinning behind closed eyes as I fell asleep before 2:00 a.m.
Less than two days later I have a bizarre dream including a conversation of sorts with what I can only describe as a semi-sentient gigantic peyote button.
Oh man, I sure do love how visionary mescaline is. I have had so little access to it throughout my life, but I am rapidly beginning to conclude that it is one of my favorite psychedelic drugs. Visionary and strangely warm (I freeze on LSD alone) and although I seem to feel poisoned on a decent dose of mescaline, I come out of it feeling very physically and mentally healed.
The tek was amazing in its simplicity and yield. Having a good cut of cactus helped a lot, but following the tek directions carefully couldn’t have hurt either. Thanks so much house! <3
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2Hyperspace LOVES YOU