Ok.
So I’ve had a bit of a sleep now and still can’t get over this whole thing. With a now sober mind I’m actually debating with myself whether any good can even come from unleashing the transpired events upon this innocent world. You see I’ve had some pretty ridiculous trips in my life. For the most part they’re usually quite profound, but I’m not chocolate coating this sour candy. It was just… ridiculous!
Before I proceed I should probably attach a health and safety warning. Though I don’t think at any point in this experience my vital statistics were in bad shape, I did keep checking them quite often because my mind kept telling me they damn well should be. If you can’t detach yourself, or at least maintain during these kind of experiences, there can be a very nasty road ahead.
Anyway…
I’ve had me a couple of free days just to myself, which was nicely timed as I’ve been going through a patch of positive mental changes. Of course we all know, nothing can round off such an acheivement like a psychedelic experience.
I recently started using MXE. Some of you may have heard me ranting about it. Anyway it’s given me some pretty positive insight that has allowed me to realise above mentioned changes. However the last couple of times I used it, I haven’t received much of any use from it other than a very sterile kind of anaesthesia leaving me feeling retarded for up to seven hours.
So last night I thought I’d give it another go with a low dose, so that the disabilitating effects were less noticeable, as I had been using relatively larger doses of late. Anyway, as I’d been used to such, I ended up redosing a couple of times and accordingly ended up in that numb and dumb state, the opinion I have now come to on which, is not for me…
At all!
Soulfood loves Tryptamines!
He’s always loved Tryptamines.
Even in the darkest hours of the Tryptamine experiences I’ve had over the years, I still had a strong feeling that I was myself. Sometimes even more so than when sober.
At that realisation, I vowed never to stray from my trusted plant spirits ever again. Nothing can offer a more rounded, insightful and profound intro/outrospect and if any cheaky chap would come up to me and try to tell me different, I wouldn’t even bother reasonably arguing, I would just inform them, that they’re wrong!
So I guess that’s the setup right there.
I'd last dosed with MXE at 11pm. At 1pm I have me an idea so crazy, it just has to work.
For a while now I've been preparing an Ayahuasca for me and a friend. I've been testing admixtures for their potency, trying out different additives and variations, so that when I finally get the final brew together it doesn't misfire and my good friend will get the experience he's been longing for.
I haven't been able to find a good source of chacruna, so I finally decided to turn to chaliponga. I had 10g of it already in a tea, sat on the side, I just hadn't got around to trying it yet. I'd never tried chaliponga before. Many of you people have scared me off it, but there it was all the same.
Anyway, so it was 1pm and I was in the height of a nasty numbening MXE experience, longing for my tryptamine feeling. I’d used harmaloids sublingually and smoked DMT on the tale end of an MXE session before and didn’t have any nasty reactions. However I didn’t want to risk too much on this one, as I had now decided to take 5g’s worth of the chali tea and add 150mg rue extract to it and drink it straight down.
Now I waited.
Some moments I’d be pacing outside, having a cigarette. Other moments I’d be lying in my bed, listening to music. It was all a big waiting game now. Waiting for enough of this numb feeling to go away as to be more in tune with the brew I have prepared and also to reduce the risk of any obvious health issues.
As the MXE was wearing off, I became very aware of these auditory hallucinations. Echoes of singing in my ear kept coming out of nowhere. At times I’d get up and look around for my headphones, thinking I’d left them on and music was still playing, but I quickly realised it wasn’t really coming from anywhere and it was still a side effect of the MXE. It was a male voice holding out long tones, every now and then harmonised with a guitar feeding back. Not an unpleasant sound in the slightest, but still a hint that the MXE wasn’t quite gone yet. So now I had to wait until this music stopped until I could feel safe enough to proceed with the last minute plan I had cooked up with a secure state of mind.
I loaded up 10mg of the good stuff into my vaporgenie. Took the slowest longest toke. There was no change in visual perception or headspace, but these audio hallucinations just became much more prominent. I could now hear drums, guitars and voice. All of these were playing along like a brazilian street parade. I didn’t recognise the words as I didn’t speak the language, but it definitely had a south American Spanish/Portuguese ring to it, the more I relxed my mind the more prominent it became, until I was now hearing it full on in both ears in near hi fidelity stereo.
Never had that before.
I waited about another hour, then measured out half the chali tea and 150mg extracted rue alkaloids. I patiently stirred the extract in the tea, shaking and spinning until all had dissolved. As I had made the tea with a couple of splashes of vinegar, it almost tasted like bad cider. Though this was much more pleasant than what I had heard of when it comes to drinking chali. I had made the brew by finely powdering the leaves and simmering them in 1L of water for one hour, with enough vinegar to make my whole house smell of it, so it was plenty acidic.
It hadn’t been reduced, so I ended up having to drink the best part of half a pint of this liquid, though it didn’t taste all that bad.
After around 20 minutes I felt a strange tension in the front of my neck accompanied by a subtle change in headspace. I knew things were about to kick off, so I went to the bathroom for one last time, then on return I measured 20mg into my vaporgenie and laid down in my bed.
It was around this point that I started thinking about the interaction with the MXE, as harmaloids have a way of interacting with near enough anything, even with trace amounts. I was also very aware of the fact that chaliponga was meant to be a very different animal all of it’s own and I was clearly entering into unchartered territory. Also the fact I hadn’t tested the chali before, it could have just been some bunk leaf with very little added to the experience.
Now this tension in my neck was almost getting to the point where I couldn’t even lay down in my usual smoking position and I felt almost pinned flat to my bed. A very strange but kind of subtle headspace although definitely prominent was also coming over me. The room appeared to be a little brighter than usual. I was definitely feeling something not felt before.
At this point I fired up the VG, only I barely got the smallest sip of holy white vapor before I was overcome with a very strange fatigue. Suddenly I had to just lay back, almost crippled, eyes shut, a loud buzzing filled the entire room and I was faced with a large polymeric grid that seemed to be moving further and further away.
I kept staring into this dark grid for maybe around ten minutes going deeper and deeper into a very heavy trance.
Now the rest of this report has just been leading up to this moment. With $300,000,000 and the finest film crew the world has ever seen, I could not replicate this moment, so there’s no way I can do this justice with my feeble words, but all I ask from the good readers who made it this far is, you had better believe this, because I SWEAR, I’m not making this shit up.
So at this point I’m in a state of mindless meditation, completely blank staring into CGI polymeric meshwork. Then the music kicks in. The most beautiful song I have ever heard. At first it sounds like it’s coming from in front of me. A heavenly choral voice. Then it moves closer and closer to my left ear where it starts to skip like a dusty CD and moves back again. Then once again it comes forward and gets louder and louder. Now moving back and forth from my left ear to my right with perfect high quality stereo panning. Then a female voice starts on the opposite side of the stereo field, harmonizing with the male voice, both of them singing the most beautiful sounds I have never heard before.
Now as this music plays I can see a huge black construction pushing out from behind me. I can also see many outlines of spirits, shifting in shape and moving around over the top of me, behind me, inside me. The black construction changes into a male presence, half man half steam roller for a lack of a better description But this guy can move some serious shit. I realise this is a visible representation of the male song I am now hearing in my left ear, slowly advancing to my right. To the right of me I see a white spirit. This one more humanoid in form, with horns and definitely very female.
These two spirits seem to be locked in some kind of turf war over my consciousness. The black spirit advances forward and as it does, it’s once sweet song turns into a loud roar.
I should probably point out that these audio hallucinations are like nothing I have ever experienced. These sounds were real, they were loud and they weren’t sounding in my head, but they were sounding in my room, loud and clear, not like the inner transmissions of the standard DMT experience. When I say this black spirit roared, I mean he really roared. I could feel his breath like wind over my skin. Then the white spirit gives off an ear piercing scream and charges forward, completely obliterating the dark spirit.
Then all turns red.
The Gregorian chant kicks in (pffft…for real!).
I am now laying down looking upwards into this red abyss with the sound of monks singing loud and clear all around me. I was getting very strong deja vous from a mushroom experience I once had where I thought I was dying. This time I knew I wasn’t dying for real, so I decided to just play along, submit and slipped into a very deep state of pseudo-death.
Now as I slowly slipped into death I could hear many voices all around me “Kill him, kill him!” “Let him go” “Let him die” “KILL HIM!”. It was like being surrounded by peasants at an execution, only I was right there with them, willing myself to die. Many dark spirits now surround me. I now hear a choir of voices, building up to a crescendo. A female voice to my right again, this time letting out quiet breathy tones I could feel there, right again like the wind on my skin. This was a full sensory hallucination like I have. Never. Felt. Before.
Now on top of all the chaos and the music, with my eyes still closed I feel myself moving backwards, like a dead spacemans funeral, I was being deposited into orbit only in immense redness and hi fi symphonic soundtrack. Then…
It happened.
“JEEEEESUUUUUUS!!!” (the choir… for real! No… Really!)
A banner drops displaying the pastey white bearded icon of this christian faith. The choir now singing in major key, singing out loud arpeggios in the name of “our lord”, bells ringing, doves flying, banners waving.
Well yeah I thought I was actually dead. That was quite easy to deal with in the big scheme of things. What really stumped me was the notion I had died, gone to heaven… which is actually REAL… as is Jesus. Only to be greeted by… this.
Of course only the paradise of the Christian faith would have such a cheesey entrance ceremony, but actually experiencing it was… ridiculous!
“So this is heaven… wait? How did I get here? Oh!… err… oh shit…I’m not right!”
I open my eyes. I’m back in my room. Some dark character all in black is laughing in my face, running back and forth all over me. I hear evil laughter, spirits flying all over the place. Eyes. Teeth. This does not feel like DMT. DMT is one tricky soul, but it doesn’t operate like this. I’ve seen many a side of the deep end with the sacred molecule, but this was not one of them. The intensity was off the chart. I start worrying about the MXE interacting with the harmaloids. Was it the chaliponga? What the hell is this? TOO MUCH!!!
I always fly solo, so I had no such sitter present. It was around 6am. I start to get the panic. Should I call an Ambulance?
No. Maintain. Check your heart beat. Fine. Check your temperature. Fine. What’s wrong? Nothing. Then your fine. Relief!
But what the hell is going on?! Breathe! Breeeeeeaaaathe!!!
The anxiety was akin to the nasty side of LSD only with a fully immersive sensory effect that‘s akin to… reality! Sweet, bitter unshakable reality.
I lay down on my side in the featal position and try to stay calm.. The friend I’d usually call in this situation is out of the country. No one else would no what to do. I had to get through this one on my own.
I manage to stay calm enough, but once in a while the anxiety takes me again. After about 5 minutes of controlled breathing, I start to get more of a handle on things.
It occurs to me that I should seak advice from someone on the good ol' nexus chat, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how to get in there, so while I was here I left a reminder to myself to type this whole thing up.
SnozzleBerry wrote:soulfood wrote:Don't worry though, an ambu
lNCE IS NOT REQUIRED... DOH... WILL EDIT LATER
Spice...so good it'll tesseract your "CapsLk" key into your "A" key...and you won't even care!
I swear blind. When I was typing this, a mechanical/cartoon goalkeeper reminiscent of Jim Carrey as the Riddler from Batman was moving back and forth across my keyboard, flicking my fingers as I typed. How I got this far was a task worth honoring.
So anyway, to try and block out all this black magic I push my face firmly into my pillow. Much more black magic there. Still all around me I hear sadistic laughter and chattering. I am welcomed by these 3 entities that remind me of the three witches from Macbeth. Only they have the overall makeup in shape as a rather attractive female entity. On closer inspection however, their lips were made of maggots, they were shrouded in serpants and their hair was made of sharp black straw. I tried to stare them down, but what with all the noise going on around me, that was now accompanied by an unbearable buzzing sound, I retreated back into the more farmiliar setting of my room.
Now I was seeing some really low down nonsensical madness. Flying alarm clocks, windup chattering teeth and eyes with wings were a few of the objects I can recall. All with the attitude of goblins mocking my existence and laughing at me for being so foolish as to enter their domain. The anxiety kicked in again, only this time it was a little easier to control. Though with this imagery, now accompanied by strong harmaloid style tracer visuals and flashes of light likend to those of Iboga, the whole thing just became the most exhausting of endurance tasks.
Unable to grasp any sense from all this chaos, I resign to open eyed meditation using deep breaths, trying to look through and beyond the madness. Usually I find it quite easy to unfocus my third eye if I concerntrate hard enough, but in this situation I was seeing everything with all of my eyes. Also including a few I didn’t know I had, as most of what was going on was occurring in a very strange 360 degress 3D world. It was similar to when I overlayed bufotenine with 1:1 changa, but with the bufotenine experience I always felt rather disconnected, whereas this one was fully mind manifesting and impossible to escape.
Eventually I see a sign of relief. The choas started to flicker as if my attempt to ignore the dark spirits was weakening them. They had obviously been feeding off of my fears for their own strength and my attempts to refuse them that was working.
At this point on the other side of the flicker, I could see a holographic image of a person who I met recently who never fails to shine a very warm vibe. Now in the midst of all this, concentrating on that arrangement of warmth within light. Then the flickering ceased and the feelings of dread were completely removed and I was pacified completely.
What I felt now was the typical awe inspiring, pure beauty of the DMT experience, free of adulterants, just the way I know and love it. Whatever had been influencing prior madness had seemed to have just dropped off as quick as it came.
The last thing I remember is laying in the dark watching all the pretty faces pass me by. Then I fell asleep.
That was the last strange part really, as I never ever fall asleep so peacefully after DMT or MXE alone. Usually there’s a 2-3 hour cooling off period once I touch back to baseline before sleep is possible. On this occasion, I slept peacefully and solidly for 7 hours. I recall no dreams or even falling asleep in the first place. I had planned on taking another hit from my VG once I'd calmed down some, but in the end, I never had the chance.
I guess I'd had enough.
So yes! I can surely say the above mentioned shenanigans will not be repeated. The MXE I have left will be removed from my grasp, as I have made a strong decision not to work with it anymore. It's done some really good things for me and for that, I cannot fault it, though what it comes down to is this. I have much stronger allies and stronger insights with my Tryptamine friends. They make me feel safe, look out for my best interests and above all they make me... Me!
I'd just like to add at the end here, that what I did wasn't a deliberate act. Badly calculated and impatient yes, but I don't think I'd ever subject myelf to that on purpose, even if I knew for sure that the physical/health risks were none. All in all, I'd call it a bad reaction.
I tell you though, I will be working with that chaliponga again, only with a more refined constiution