Preliminary:
I had discovered DMT a few months earlier and was fascinated by the experience reports I had read online. After a frantic month of research and digesting all information I could I decided I had to try some. As many other people have already found out, this is a very rare compound and virtually impossible to find, after doing even more research I discovered info on how to synthesize it myself at home. I acquired the “Mimosa Hostiles Root Bark”, which was easy to find online, and proceeded to gather all the supplies I would need. For those people out there that really want to try it, I recommend making your own, I’m no chemist but the instructions were straight forward and the whole process was not overly complex at all. (Used Nomans extraction Tek: DMT for the masses, google it).

DOES IT WORK:
After finally making it through the extraction phase, (had to make 3-200 gram batches to finally get finished product because of some problems, but I learned more and became more comfortable with the process as a result). So finally I have a 5 gram vile of off white slightly yellow DMT crystals, only one problem no scale. I was curious about whether the crystals actually worked or not, so as I saw described online I sprinkled a small amount of DMT over a small amount of pot in a pin joint. Hoping this would just be enough to taste, I smoked half the joint. I noticed a frequency/tone in my ears that was rising slowly and also a feeling of pressure, like I just inhaled some helium or something, hearing seemed to be clearer despite the tone, and visually color seemed to deepen and sharpen a bit and everything seemed to tilt ever so slightly. These effects seemed to persist for about ten minutes and then the tone and the feeling subsided and I was left in a happy and light mood. Test a success the DMT worked, something different happened there, that wasn’t pot...

First Dose 20mg:
My sister had come over to be my trip sitter and keep an eye on me while I was gone. I had prepared everything as described online, quiet surrounding (everyone was out of the house), unplugged the fan, unplugged the phone and locked all the doors to make sure we were not disturbed. I weighed out 20mg and proceeded to melt the crystals into the steel wool, (using “the machine” to smoke with), and the crystals liquefied and disappeared into the pipe. Now the moment of truth, I tried to remain calm but was apprehensive about what was about to happen. I proceeded to light the end of “the machine” and a thick white creamy smoke began pouring into the pipe, I filled my lungs as full as I could and held it for ten seconds, I was amazed at how smooth the smoke was and although I could taste the burnt plastic taste it was very bearable and not bad at all. I exhaled and proceeded to take my second inhale, all the while this frequency/tone was getting louder and louder. I did not see the bright sparkling wonder that others have described but a darker barely perceivable circular pattern, and a weird almost electric shock type of phasing out of reality. I laid back on the couch and closed my eyes, as hard as I tried I could not get a clear image of these circular patterns, they were vague and dark. At about the same time this weird delay/repeat thing was going on and it seemed that all ideas or things that have been important to me lately were swirling around in my head and repeating over and over in a weird way. I found this sensation very strange and alien and forcibly tried to extract myself from there, I sat up opened my eyes and everything started returning to normal slowly. It was a VERY strange feeling and unlike others, I did not see the beautiful geometric patterns upon entering the trip or leaving the trip. I was a little disturbed by the experience, but because other people were waiting for my report before deciding whether to try it themselves I felt compelled to try again, to go deeper so I could return with a report encompassing the whole experience. I decided to wait an hour to get it out of my system and then try again with a 45mg dose.

Second Dose 45mg:
After weighing the crystals and melting them into the pipe I was ready for a second try, as I was a little weirded out with the feeling of somebody watching me I decided to go to my bedroom and left my sister in the next room, I figured she would be within ear shot if I needed to call out for her. I sat on the bed and straightened the pillow and the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed ready to go. I lit the end of “the machine” and once again watched as thick white fluffy smoke rushed into the pipe, the first draw almost caused me to cough, not because it was harsh but it was just very, very thick this time, I counted to ten in my head then exhaled and took one more pull, amazingly twice the previous dose easily vaporised in two lungfulls and I was off. This time was similar to my last dose only much stronger, once again that weird frequency was getting louder and louder and the feeling of this reality phasing out was strong and overpowering. It was VERY,VERY, weird, you can read stories that talk about how strange and alien this place feels but nothing can prepare you for this, this was truly the weirdest most bizarre experience I’ve ever had. I could perceive some low level fractal patterns but the bright colourful patterns I’ve read about were not there. It was a feeling that something very strange was occurring and I was becoming scared. Suddenly I was pulled away somewhere in this big void of darkness, and the place where I started shrunk down into a tiny point of light and disappeared. I have read stories about this but actually experiencing it was terrifying almost everything I knew became very small and far off, my life and the world seemed to fade away like a vague dream and I was here now. In front of me in the darkness appeared what looked like multiple lights and stars like a distorted view of a space picture. The vision filled my entire field of view and then as if squeezed by giant hands the view was compressed as the left and right were squeezed together and the top and bottom were squeezed together, leaving what appeared to me as a compressed universe and then it was tilted front to back as if to give me a 3-d perspective on it. It was as if it was composed of some kind of jello substance and I could see individual ripples or vibrations traveling everywhere through this stuff. Immediately I felt some kind of presence, not there beside me but a part of this whole place where I was, and I heard in my head, “THIS IS ALL THERE IS”, quite frankly I was terrified at this point but tried to calm myself down, I know they say tell yourself, “it’s okay you won’t die”, or “it’s okay you’ll be back in five or ten minutes”, but when you are immersed in this alien, weird, bizarre place it is little consolation at the time. I decided to try some things, as at that point in time I was positive I was not going to ever do DMT again. I tried to focus, and thought in my head, “I am going to win the lottery jackpot”, I could see my thought leave me and saw a ripple move away from me in this galactic stuff, after a short time a saw a ripple come back and heard in my own voice, “I am going to win the lottery jackpot”, at the same moment I felt this Omni present being say, “it doesn’t matter”. I then thought, “what is this place”, once again I saw a ripple leave again and then come back and again in my own voice, “what is this place” and again I felt the being say, “it doesn’t matter”. I immediately became a little disorientated and panic began to set in, I began to think of everything, family, my life, the world, all of it came back, “it doesn’t matter”. Finally I calmed down a bit again and tried one more thing, my mom had passed away in 1998 and I wanted to see if I could contact her, at this point I thought in my head, “where is my mom”, and instead of repeating what I thought, I heard a male voice that was not my own reply, “WHAT IS MOM”, at that point I began to think about my mom and in front of me appeared what looked like 2 foot by 3 foot pictures of my mom, maybe twenty or more appearing spaced out and overlapping each other flashing by quickly, however no reply to my question. At this point I became disorientated and fearful again and I opened my eyes to try to get out of this place, I saw low level fractal patterns all over my ceiling moving around, but saw two points that were bright and remained stationary, I perceived them as eyes and felt that someone was there but got no feelings one way or the other as to who it could be, just a presence watching me. I closed my eyes again and thought I want to go back there, (meaning home and normal reality), the reply I heard was, “there is here, there is no there”, to try to comfort myself I pictured in my mind, my bedroom and tried to picture every detail, suddenly I was back and as I began to get off my bed to tell my sister about the horror I just felt, my room was gone again and I was back looking at all that is again, again I heard the voice, “there is here, there is no there”, this happened to me four times before on the final time I was back. It’s interesting to note that during the final stages when I was trying to get back I was thinking, “this place is bad, I can’t let people come here”, and as I was picturing telling people about the horror and it was bad, the voice was telling me, “there is no good or bad, there just is”. Finally on my last attempt I sensed that the entity not unlike a concerned parent with a toddler gently pushed on my back and said gently and with no anger, “go now, if that’s where you want to be, go there”, and I felt myself return to reality for the final time. I saw low key visual disturbances upon returning and felt that the entity was trying to tell me, “For you it was never about the actual trip, it was about the research and work leading up to the experience and the telling of the story after the experience”. I have decided to continue my experiments but to do more trips at the 20mg level to try to get a footing over there before ever trying a big dose again. To those who venture into this realm on a regular basis I have gained a new found respect and admiration for you, you are truly brave people, the audio and video aspects are bearable, but the completely bizarre and alien feeling of this space was too much for me to handle. To people who haven’t gone yet I advise caution, all of these stories and the people that tell them and the planet and reality we live in are a million miles away when you are in that space and there is only you . It is a very strange feeling when all you are and everything you know is a distant, fading memory, when the dream becomes reality and reality becomes a dream.





If anybody has any tips for not freaking out when you get over there, or as to why I didn't see the dazzling brilliant visuals when I went there I would appreciate a comment, I am still deciding on whether to go back or not. Thanks

You should go back, you have to. It could well be entirely different, seems to be for me. I seem to get different experiences every time. Luckily I have had lots of loving amazing experiences, but the fears always there. Ive been looking for something to get rid of the fear myself, and recently nothing seems to help. Sure terrence mckenna said if you dont have any fear before you smoke dmt then theres something wrong with you. lol Ive ended up doing what youve done and wanting to smoke low doses to get that confidence back to blast off.

Sometimes when im smoking low doses and its like whall the best thing ever that gives me the balls to go for a big one then its suddenly a differnt ball game. Aim low and build yourself up when your feeling ready to go, thats what ive been trying to do but ive still got the fear. ive also got a lot of respect for people here who do large doses regualry, the funny thing is I know fine well its the best thing ever and I should be doing big blast offs, because the big ones have always been the best but I dont. its as if I feel my ego building back up again and its fearfull to go back. Still I want to get to the level that some of the hardheads here are at with it, think aya and rue and mimosa is the way to go for me, cos you dont have a chaice then, maybe that would help you! Good Luck!

Nice report, thanks!
You are completely right to be cautious, if you do it you should take it very seriously or not do it at all. It has repercussions on life, often for the good.
During the S.H.E. event, I was prepared for the worst because the previous experience had been harrowing and demanded the ultimate respect. And I was rewarded with an incredibly gentle, benevolent side of DMT - absolutely the last thing I expected! So yes, it can pay off to persevere but only with 100% respect and trust. You probably have to work on relationships with entities before you're shown other things, sounds crazy I know
This benevolence probably had to do with the MAOI (more experiments needed to confirm), I recommend next time you drink some Syrian Rue tea 60-90 minutes before launch, 2-3 grams should be enough, depending on weight. The dietary and nausea issues are often exaggerated I think. It can provide a very smooth ride, there is a peak at the start like with regular dmt but the transition is smoother, it tapers off more slowly and the initial shot's afterglow takes at least an hour. As long as the MAOI is active (a few hours), you can control the dmt level in your blood by smoking some more. A perfect marriage: rue tea and smoked spice! But there are no guarantees, maybe next time I end up in a hellish rabbit hole

Yes ! I know that ... what a joy to hear it said like that and be reminded so easily ! With Goosebumps again ! Thank you !

I laughed out loud ! Exactly ! The AllThatIs ... ! The Great Spirit ! The White Light ! The 'parental nudge' ... to go back and be in your body again - Yes ! All the angels that chase you back, playing with you on the way down ! But it takes a big hit to get there, or sometimes the concentrated left-overs in a pipe can do it by surprise !

I have said the same; " I wish this on no-one" .. in terror, but then you relax and can dig it ! Why does nothing matter - oh, well ok ..!?

Eventually you can discover/hear/imagine just how much God loves, and know that the terror is from clenching - literal and psychological holding on. Let your ego go, and loosen your muscles, like the jaw - it clenches good ! The initial rocket ride feeling can become a melt-into-it drop-away into the 'jello' experience. It seems to be 'drippy' and wet somehow, especially when the hyperspace is a 'dark' one, very 'womb like perhaps..!?...

It can be a blinding white-out or a dark infinitude ... God is both sides of the coin. We are as infinite as God ! When I returned from there the first time, it seemed imperative to live by the simple Universal Laws - which to me reduced down to - Love, make more life, and look out for the little ones. So simple the task at hand, and it's intended to be applied towards all living beings, not just humans !

So now we hopefully will teach our kids to recognize the layers of illusion going on in the world, all the time ... It's a cosmic joke - so laugh at the illusion ! When we 'believe' materiality and physicallity make any difference to the totality of being ... to God - it's an illusion ! .. But our real purpose here is a delicious mystery, still ! ...

One time, spontaneously I found this dripping 'jello', infinite nocturnal space was decorated with a net of jewels, and each jem was placed in the node of the delicate net-fibres. However each node was actually a glowing blue-buddah, suspended like a net of stars that I called all the 'unborn baby buddhas' of humanity ... it seemed like all our lives here was nothing but a jewel suspended in a net of infinity. Like we are all just ripening on a vine, fleshiness thats waiting to die, to release a load of souls. It seemed that death is the ultimate re-birth we are ALL waiting for, twiddling away our time with illusion !

Then I read about Indra's Net ! wow - ancient knowledge !


http://www.heartspace.org/misc/IndraNet.html


It can be confusing .. like being 'dead' if you knew nothing else, but now you KNOW ! ... A compacting feeling maybe comes from the way things are 'non-dual' a one-ness and unitary feeling of yes-and-no existing together.

Yes to a natural MAOI and smoking dmt ! ! make a syrian rue seed extract (filter the tea, or use lemon juice) - do not eat any of the seed as the solids will make you puke. This is a perfect combo - God will pour goodness into you in waves ! But try at 30 minutes post tea-drinking, and prepare second doses before hand - it can be hard to be coordinated.

Hi, thanks for the input , it helps just knowing everyone has to deal with the same fear. As far as the rue goes, I think the thought of being locked in for an even longer time sounds even scarier, I know you guys say it will be a lighter easier transition, but is there any way ‘that’ could possibly get to be lighter and easier. I am sorry to keep asking questions but my experience felt fast and erratic and disorienting and quite frankly left me with more question than answers.

1. As the trip took hold I had this feeling of waves of something rolling over me causing intense disorientation and this extremely uncomfortable feeling of phasing out, don’t really know how to describe it. It is this intense weird, bizarre, feeling that scared the crap out of me to begin with. Question: Is this the normal experience, does this feeling eventually go away after the beginning stage. (I was there, but I was so freaked out at that point I didn’t stop to pay attention).

2. Also interested in the visuals, as I was initially leaving, I saw something, almost like fine water droplets on glass, like an overlay over everything else (bad description), and some fractal geometry but very faint and barely perceivable, are the images everyone is seeing, (before and after being over there), solid concrete and in your face imagery or is it more subtle on the edge of perception like mine was.

3. What’s up with the whole diet thing, and “NO SEX for two days prior”, can anyone explain in a little more detail, and has anybody gone on a trip without following these guidelines. Also forgot to mention in trip report that I took 3 tokes off of a joint before taking second dose to try to relax a little.

I must admit I went in understanding that at the time of death DMT is released so this must be similar to the death experience. Before I tried DMT I was not afraid to die, but after my experience, now I am. I will still try small doses and try to work back up to a full dose, as I don’t want to fear death, and I believe to that this is a gift to mankind and needs to be explored, I really think you guys are getting some kind of benefit here, (expanded consciousness, DNA ascension, etc). As far as my trip report went, only 1 of the 4 people who read it were scared away the other 3 people are even more determined to try it. Hopefully I can help them with what little guidance I can give and learn from their experiences when they get back. I hope nobody punches me when they get back , “what the hell were you thinking, giving me that stuff”.

Once again thanks for the input already posted and to future posters, it makes it a lot easier to take these first few baby steps armed with the knowledge provided by the experienced users. I know people think that everybody should try this at least once in their lives, but can you imagine your mother or father or grandmother even, trying this stuff . I was just thinking it’s to bad we couldn’t do this like double parachuting, an experienced tripper guiding us and pointing things out, but in control of the experience, and there with us through the whole experience. I guess that’s what takes the most courage, knowing your going alone.

Thanks again

A lot of questions, I'm not an experienced user but here we go for what it's worth:
The peak doesn't take really long with a MAOI as long as you only smoke the DMT and don't eat it, it's not like ayahuasca. The afterglow does take quite a while but it's nothing compared to the peak, a bit like 1-2 grams of dried cubensis.

1. Often, the transition itself is harder than being there. Can't say I've had this feeling of really phasing out but disorientation is normal.
BTW about noise: I had noises ranging from a pure 400 Hz carrier beep to high-pitched shrieking white noise. 'They' told me the noises arise from resistance.

2. Visuals. Wild variation... I've seen the most incredible twisted landscapes, circus-like scenes, the fourdimensional chrysantheum, a pillar of light, space crammed with elf-like entities, fractals, even an old bar as real as anything. It can be solid 3d, it can be hyperdimensional... anything is possible, even Salvia-like displacements like this bar!

3. No idea... but surely two days without BAD sex is a good idea

4. Death. Many seem to think DMT is released at dying but I don't see how DMT could explain all near-death experiences. How can a dead brain experience anything, let alone something extremely intense, coherent and real?? Plenty of examples.
Hey, the spice is supposed to reduce fear of death, not increase it! To me, after the first breakthrough it was very liberating to have first-hand proof that there's much more to it than brain cells and chemistry. The reductionist view I was raised with proved to be false! This greatly reduced my fear of death. But that doesn't imply dying is anything like DMT, I think it's not but what do I know...

Check out Mellen-Thomas Benedict, who died from a brain tumor. Very uplifting story even though it sounds too incredible to believe. He was dead for 90 minutes - getting stiff already - but came back with the tumor gone and some interesting things to tell.
"It's a miracle!" he said to the doctor that told him his tumor had gone, the doctor replied: "Nah, it's just spontaneous remission."

Wow, interesting story. Sounds pretty close to some DMT trip reports I've read.
Heres the link I found:
http://www.mellen-thomas.com/stories.htm

Thanks, tryptographer

I find being high on cannabis makes me trip bad. Actually I stopped smoking cannabis because the DMT showed me how it was affecting me.
I don't like to mix DMT with anything. DMT does not like anything in the way!

that's interesting... in my early experiences sounds were a strong part of the experience.. my first try resuting in a low ringing carrier tone that shifted through 4 notes every 2 seconds in a pattern, a bit like broken circus music. then as I began to get more familiar with the stuff the tone was more constant.. one note that would rise and fall at specific points, and the shift in tone was synchronous with a shift in the experience. I felt like it was part of the language because as I experienced different communications of vision they would each be accompanied with a distinct tone.

but what you say about resistance...the last time I did it I came into it completely comfortable, ready for anything (ha ha, as if you can be)
when it started, the tone was so pure and high pitched that it was almost impercievable. the experience was also the most transcendant and powerful one I have had (one of those "thought? all you are is this thought. oh by the way, meet infinity. how's it going? you're here to stay so get comfortable" experiences)

I thought the theory was that the release of DMT opened the doorway for the soul to exit the body. Anything experienced outside the body is done so by the soul, no more need for the brain.

Fear is all the ego has left - teach yourself to just let go, trust in an infinite love being there, waiting to swaddle you with amazing things. So find an extra- safe place to launch next time - like your bed again ..

The body-waves and body-load is possibly a low-dose effect, especially if visuals are not strong - smoke more next time !

Otherwise recall that you have dmt receptors all over you body - mostly in brain and in the gut, but the whole body senses dmt - muscles too. The tremors, and 'yawns' on the re-entry of a trip are common for me - like pleasant stretching when yawning and an internal buzz-massage when my legs get a wave of tremors running down them - energy waves my physical being is vibrating with ... like the way a space-shuttle shakes on re-entry, we too get the 'tremors' ... !

Feeling like you're being hugged from the inside-out - that's the other type of body-effect I get, but it's awesome ! I always keep a blanket handy, incase the chills come about - that happened once and the tremors seemed less pleasant then - I even resorted to hotwater bottles for my trips after that 'cold-tremor' event.

From the intensity of the dmt rush that leads to a breakthrough type / God-union experience, I had to call it having a 'Beingasm' - the ego is flipped off, stripped away and it feels soo good, especially when it all comes back together again ! So just do it again and again ! A Beingasm is good for you !

But really we do this every day already - we 'let go' every night when we sleep .. the ego dissolves quite happily into a sleep-state, which is like a 'death' to let go of having 'control' over the body. When I hit the pillow, the ego very comfortably snuggles into the unconscious, and gives it up...

El Ka, I'm glad to see you back. It had been a little while! You always have so much good info and insights!

ha ha ! .. I'm still more talk than 'action' ! ... a major side effect of dmt on me is incessant talking about it ... although less posting might be a sign I'm finally 'practicing' with Aladin's lamp ! .. gone fishing for more metaphor...

So yes, fortunately for me, during the past three full moons I have met a friend to guide and travel with with Rue seed extract too . She has encouraged me to fully quench the need for a Beingasm ... and reciprocally me for her, since once you know, you gotta go ! - all God's Good is in the pantry to play with !

digressing along - I'm actually not around here so much lately since I've flown away in Love !... but trying to come back on topic here, and just to relate how things manifest themsleves once you start playing in God's pantry - For 30 months I have been 'waiting' to discover a person who knows how to play with this stuff, and in the most spectacularly synchronistic way, that person wanders into me (and vice versa...) ... She's an angelic coincidence - just as I had 'fomented' by intending, and 'talking' about things we have in a place inside our selves. Watch it - once you feel it, and talk about it enough, it happens ... because now it seems I'm moving to a farm by November - where (as I had been intendin' ..) I can live off teh fat o' the lan' again ..!

but back to the topic - is it a "noise arising from resistance" ... or a carrier wave that holds the enfolded dimensions..? The tone exists for me only in the entry-phase; whhiizzzzzinggghh as the veil appears. But once the veil 'opens' to a playpen type room ( an ante-chamber or 'lobby' I forget about it or it stops. If I recall sounds at all from the next phase, they are muted or none present. The next phase is 'up' (a pole of light) from this ante-chamber to the ineffable space. I only remember bubbly sounds and occasional boops or beeps from the higher planes, watery sounds...

You guys have no idea how relieving reading this thread is. This is like therapy for me. I feel so much better now, thank you, seriously, thank you. I intentionally didn't read ANY trip reports(except casual mentions of the machine elfs, entities, and hyperspace because it's unavoidable), because I didn't want to allow anything anyone else felt or saw to influence me.

The whizzing and buzzing, the whiring, the bubbly watery sounds, becoming liquid and pouring into wherever the hell that was supposed to be, all of it. The loss of self and reality, "What is mom?" that's awesome, same thing happened in my dream only it was my wife. The tenseness and clenching of the jaw. My wife said I was trying to pry my jaw off. Completely out of body, writhing VIOLENTLY on the floor. The TV fell on my head and I had a huge knot. I broke a few things and made a crazy mess. I knocked cups of sodas over, ashtrays, it was a wreck. My back is covered in cuts and I have three huge bruises on my body, I just now pulled a piece of glass from my ankle, I didn't even find any broken glass when I cleaned up.

"My ideas were swirling and repeating", that's so relieving. I blasted off, there was no stopping it. I don't understand why anybody has difficulty blasting off, I didn't want to go, I wasn't ready and I didn't want it, I had no choice in the matter. In my dream, the smoke was not harsh in the least. I didn't even cough. It was almost cool feeling. Just the fact that I didn't want to go, and that I wasn't ready and it was NOTHING like what I expected, made it a really bad time. I truly believed that my mind destroyed existence, that there was something in my mind that released because the spice, and destroyed existence into swirling liquid and trapped it into a time loop. I could feel pain(which makes sense considering what my body was doing without my consent), it was very painful. Not even remotely pleasant. Terrifying in every way, just unending panic. Then I came back in a way, I could see only blackness, and feel just wetness watery something, and I translated it as blood coming from my eyes, mouth, and nose. My wife said "MY NAME, MY NAME, MY NAME! Calm down! You're ok! It's WIFES NAME! You're scaring me" to which I responded "WIFES NAME?" and then I became liquid again and was sucked back into the swirl, and it happened repeatedly. I could feel this sort of "pop" almost like glass somehow gently breaking inside of my head, then this feeling of black and white squares. The colors were dull like you described. The swirl was yellow, just shades of yellow. Before blast off, everything became rays and blobs of primary colors before being sucked up into the swirl. And as this happened again and again, I kept trying to fight it, came to the conclusion that it has to happen, and that there is nothing I could do to stop it. Then I'd let go and realize that I'm going to feel this pain forever, then I'd snap back with those words my wife said, "Calm down, you're scaring me, it's me. You're ok." and I'd try to fight it again, then turn to liquid.....wow. I just remembered most of this when I woke up today, and those haunting words slowly came to me, and they've been screwing with me all day. I just keep thinking about them and get goosebumps.

And I came to the same conclusion as you, I'm afraid of death. Before this, I just assumed "I was nothing before I was born. I will return to that nothing when I die." and now I fear that nothing could be this "swirl". Like you guys said, I wouldn't wish that to anyone. But I read a bit more, and if the theory is correct and we do release DMT upon death, maybe it's a last ditch effort to have the body keep fighting. Hallucinogens were always thought to be terrible and frightening in the western world until they discovered that with a different view, they could be used recreationally. So psychonaut's can give in and spend those last few precious moments in a good place. Either way it seems worth it to go back. Haha, that's so funny. I'm very relieved and feel a whole lot better knowing that anothers first time was so similar to the nightmare I had.

I should note though, that it ended very beautifully and fulfilling. It's infinity. It's like pi and fractals. You can zoom in, but it never ends. That's the universe, that's existence. I realized that philosophy takes the wrong approach, and that I do as well. Instead of asking "Why do we exist?", the real question that is an answer itself is "How could we NOT exist?" how could we possibly not exist within infinity.

Hyperspace though.....it was frightening. Losing complete sense of self and rationality was unbelievable. Never once when I was completely out of body did I think "Spice is very powerful, what did you think would happen? Of course this is going to be otherworldly, but it isn't real" not for a second. It WAS real, in every sense of the word, real to all 5 senses and beyond! Even though it's been 2 days, I'm having difficulty realizing that it wasn't real and it makes you question everything. Honestly though, it's all real. Hyperspace, here, not one or the other, both. We can detect it with every sensory tool we have available, it has to be real. If anything, it's real to us as individuals which is as far as anything can go with the limitations of our mind.

.. Hah ha ! .. that is funny .. and true, but you'll probably get over it - maybe next time try in another setting.

Have you ever re-found the courage to jump off a 10m diving platform, into a pool.? Or skiied off a cliff..? It's a similar courage, and fear...

anyone who tells you it's not real is selling you something.

because what the hell is real anyways? it's just what our senses tell us. this amplifies your senses a million-fold, at the core they still are your senses. the only reason day to day life has that "this is the concrete reality" feel to it is because we've been conditioned to it so much.

you are finding out that thing which people assume can't be found out. don't be dismissive or second-guess yourself. everything in moderation, even moderation.