i have been interested in altered states for as long as i can remember. being raised in a christian cult/commune, where people would fall into trances and speak in tongues, the idea of ecstatic experience has been in my hard drive for the duration of my life.

unfortunately, the environment in which i was raised was quite "spiritually" abusive. i'll mercifully spare you the details. in any case, the programming i received as a child led me to join a christian cult in my early adulthood. the narrow box of christianity was what seemed comfortable to me when i decided to begin seeking the eternal in earnest. this experience proved unsatisfying, and ultimately embittering.

many years of reading and rational contemplation "cured" me of my religion, and i slowly became an atheist. but the last 2-3 years (i'm 37) i have had several experiences on large doses of mushrooms that have caused me to re-examine some cases i had thought were closed for me. i felt the tickle of the divine, and the eternal oneness, and i began to truly wonder, again, for the first time, about the unfathomable mystery that is existence.

mushrooms tickled me.

three days ago dmt changed my life.

i had been reading for years about dmt and other tryptamines/phenethylamines, my only experience being with lsd/psilocyben/mdma/mda/salvia(the last of which i didn't find beneficial and perhaps was not ready for at the time). of all the chems i read about, dmt was the one that most intrigued me, but i had never had the opportunity to buy it, and was too lazy/complacent/preoccupied to extract it myself.

last wednesday my girlfriend called me at work to tell me she had found some and i nearly shit myself with glee. i couldn't wait to get home and when i did i discovered that she had bought 200mg of light amber/yellow solid chrystals, which were sitting in a bag on the table, almost beckoning to me. i had had a long night at work, and i wasn't in the proper headspace, giddy though i was, so i decided to wait until the next day, my day off, to experiment.

when my gf got home from work the next day i had so prepared myself for the experience all day that i was practically chomping at the bit to go, but i forced myself to relax, carefully crushed the chrystals into little chunks, and divided the substance into four approximately equal piles. i have no scale, and can only take the guy's word for the actual weight of the dmt, but i estimated that each pile was between 45-55 mg dmt (not taking into account the obvious impurities betrayed by the color of the chrystals), and i loaded up the first bowl for my gf.

she took 3 solid hits and seemed to vaporise every bit of the chrystals, and she had a nice cev trip with patterns and such, but no beakthrough. about 3 or 4 mins into her trip when i saw she wasn't quite where i wanted to go, i loaded up my bowl with the same dose i had given her, intrepid, but respectful of the power of the drug, and knowing my smoking technique will probably allow me to smoke more, faster and more efficiently.

i was right. on the 3rd hit i remember saying "baby, wherever it is, i'm going there" and my skin flushed and the room seemed to fill with smoke and then WHAM! I am sitting in a room with a distinctly egyptian/alien theme, where everything in the room is made of differently sized, pulsing, incandescent gold/brilliant yellow bricks, each brick decorated with bright red alien like heiroglyphics that are morphing before my very eyes. there were several sounds. one a constant drone of indeterminate pitch. another a song that sounded alternately like digital bleeps and articulated words. the last was the deep pulsing sound from the throbbing golden bricks that made up the room. this sound felt like the sound of a planet's engine or perhaps the sound of the sun. it seemed to vibrate me and everything else i was seeing.

i felt two distinct presences in the room with me. both were female and were on either side of me. the one on my left side stayed only on the furthest edge of my periphery, the one on my right would extend herself into my field of vision only in order to gesture for me to look at what i was being shown. i also felt a great love and acceptance from this entity. i know there was more to what i was shown than the egyptian room, but from this journey that's the only visual i can really describe.

when i came out of the heaviest part i was laughing and weeping at the same time. i just could.not.believe what had just happened to me. as it slowly faded and i reeled internally with bliss at finally having seen some proof of what i had suspected for awhile, and to see that it was so much more than i could have ever expected, all i could think about was that i wanted my gf to have the same experience, so i loaded up about 80 mgs and let her go again. again she only went to the first level, with geometric patterns and such. i smoked the last 15-20 mgs and had slight visuals, but i wasn't disappointed. nothing could shake me from the bliss of what i had just seen.

still, i wanted my gf to have this experience so badly, so we called our guy and he brought us another 10th. again i loaded about 80% of the yellow chrystals into the bowl, but this time was very careful to keep encouraging her to take the biggest hits possible, hold them, then continue even after the effects begin to make you want to put the bowl down. she took several hits and handed me the bowl. again she closed her eyes and again she only had a mild level 1.

4-5 minutes after she's smoked, and i see she's still in the room, no hyperspace for her, slightly disappointed, i loaded up the last -15-20 mgs in the bowl and decided to smoke it, even if it would only take me so far. maybe there was a lot of residual dmt in the bowl (i didn't change the substrate, just added more dmt to the top of the ash and gunk). maybe i'm just better at getting huge concentrated hits. in any case, this meager little trifle blasted me even further than my first dose.

i remember wondering why my gf didn't seem to be having the same level of experince i did, just before i hit the bowl.

i took three massive hits, during the third i could already tell it was gonna be big and i said "holy shit, i'm going there again", and a voice said to me "it's different for everyone". then the world split in 2 and it was 2 voices, then 4 then 8 exponentially until i felt as though every voice of every human that ever lived was gently telling me "it's different for everyone".

instantly i was blasted into a realm of blue green fractal fire and writhing coils of energy on 2 dimensional pannels spinning in 3 dimensional space. and again there was a strong female entity on my right side. this time she was more bold, and more clearly defined, seemingly made of liquid blue fire flowing behind her and pure love emanating from her. i could see she was gesturing again for me to behold what was in front of me, and this time, almost insistantly she swooped down closely beside me, almost touching and gestured out in front of me with her hand just inches from my face, and as i shifted my gaze from her hand to the vista, i saw something that i will never be able to describe. i reached out my hand into the sea of bliss and it split open exposing a dark chasm with an even deeper mystery swirling in the distance, but i was not allowed to go any further.

again, when the world resolved i found myself weeping, sobbing with joy. my gf was sitting at my feet, stroking my leg.

these days i'm not a fan of faith. i need evidence. a few days ago i was given a precious gift from something i'm not even going to pretend to understand. i no longer have any need for faith. i know all will be well. i know this is just the beginning. and while i still strongly disbelieve in the world's religions and their gods, i know there is an intelligent force in this universe other than the life we know. i am positively elated at the prospect of delving a little further to see what more i can gain from this.

again, and at long last, my mind is open to the infinite.

i could not be more grateful.

namaste, fellow travellers.

Great post. I too just joined and although I'm not religious, religious studies brought me to DMT. Like myself, it seems you seek a deeper understanding of the universe and God without the need for any religion.

Oh what bliss to read your report!

Yes my friend, Christian programming as a child can be hard to overcome. I am very empathetic on this subject. But once you start to see how Man altered Christianity, you can strip away many of the foolish guilt devices and focus on the subject at hand...LOVE! The internal, yet external all encompassing force.

I'm glad to read you are open to the infinite. There is nothing more now to do but experience and integrate; reality will slowly peel itself away to reveal the Truth. Good travels journeyman!

thankyou

Wonderful read, thank you for sharing your journey with us. Welcome to the Nexus!

Thank you for sharing, and welcome! You seem like a very interesting person. I hope you will continue posting some in the nursery, and if you keep up with the great tone, you will be awarded a full membership soon enough. I hope you will enjoy the DMT-Nexus, and please, don't hesitate to ask if there's anything on your mind!

thanks for the welsome and warm sentiments. i think i'll be sticking around.

my gf broke through last night. this time we got 200 mg of a pinkish-white crystalline powder. i saved my dose for today, but i am feeling as though i ought to take a little more time to integrate my first experiences before i go again.

again, thanks for just being, and understanding.

now it's off to play drums with the hippies!. i love sunday.

Welcome! That was a good read and I'm glad your girlfriend broke through. As a long time rationalist and atheist myself with christian upbringing (though I doubt my upbringing was nearly as Christian as yours) I have a lot of trouble believing in anything like an afterlife or something like that, but if anything makes me want to believe in something more, it's DMT. The fact that such an amazing and powerful chemical exists on earth, and is made naturally, is almost unbelievable. It's like pure awe packed into a crystal. But it's even more encouraging to think about it as a natural chemical than something put here by a god-figure or what have you. Because the universe is amazing and DMT is just a testament to the power of infinite chance. And that's just the universe we know about, imagine what else is out there that we can't see or sense? Heck, we haven't even left our solar system yet.

I really loved how you were so gung ho about it, you have an innate courage that comes from the conviction of your upbringing, I respect that!

quick note, i have a birth defect which makes my left shoulder slightly higher than my right and minimally limits my range of motion. as a result, i have been always been extremely right side dominant. i was just musing about an explanation for why the entity appeared more strongly on my right side, and in retrospect the entire vision felt very right-sided. everything felt stronger and clearer slightly to the right of my field of vision.

my birth defect is another thing about which i've carried around a lot of bitterness. perhaps i;m just less recptive on my left side.

perhaps i'm over-thinking. it's probably a mistake to try to read too much meaning into all these details. my rational side is embarrassed by the exuberance of my post-dmt "magical thinking", but my inner voice just keeps telling me "you're on to something, homeboy. oh, and by the way, have you noticed how ridiculously happy you are right now? that's not for nothin', and while we're on the subject, when was the last time your rational side made you THIS F***ING HAPPY!?"

Loved your post! Thanks for sharing.

In all of my experiences (not that many so far) I've also noted a definite one-sidedness to the experience. For me it was left. Something divine was brushing past me, and it's presence was to the left of me. Also my right side seemed to feel odd as though it were falling away. Normally I'm right-handed. I'd also like to know what it means. My initial thought was it has something to do with the subtle-energy flow in my body and that there is some kind of blockage on my right side. But really I have no idea about these kind of things.

In any case nice to hear you are having such a good experience with it. How much did your girlfriend end up smoking?

cheers!

Beautiful and enthusiastic report. You can really feel the joy between lines!
Hope you have a nice stay here. Take a look at the extraction section. It's not hard to extract it yourself. It will cost you less money and you will be completely free from drug dealers.

Nothing quite as convincing as direct experience. No faith, no religion, by definition, can offer you that and I believe you have stumbled upon the one thing that can. If you plan on continuing, I strongly encourage you to start extracting your own. It's really not that complicated, and beyond the clear ethics of not supporting a corrupt and damaging underground industry, extracting spice makes the experience more intimate and much more personal (and safe, given that you know what went in and what comes out...!)

WELCOME to the NEXT-US and much gladness to have you abroad!! You express yourself well and seem to embody the humility that is emblematic of this place. I look forward to more news.

Cheers,

JBArk

My upbringing ultimately made me fearful and skeptical. I had to struggle to find some courage. I'm ashamed of how timid i've been.



Chirality? I don't know enough about chemistry to even pose the appropriate question, let alone speculate upon the answer.



because i was unsure of the purity of this batch(it was pinkish white as apposed to amber), i initially loaded her up with 20-25mgs. i still think there's a disparity in our abilities to get large concentrated hits, but she's a seasoned pot smoker, as am i, so i dunno. after she smoked the bowl clean, she immediately informed me that this wasn't going to hit the spot, so i, as quickly as i could, prepared another bowl for her with 75-85mgs of the pinkish crystalline powder, and handed her the bowl and lighter.

i examined the bowl afterward (by attempting to smoke any remaining residue, with no effects), and assumed that she had gotten the lion's share of the spice, with some, of course, being consumed by the flame. apparently she kept her eyes open during this trip as i have on both my breakthroughs, but i was unaware of this when she was in hyperspace because i deliberately positioned myself out of her line of sight in the room. i also tried to keep as silent as possible, letting her have her time.

i'll leave it to her to describe her experience on this forum is she ever happens to be so moved. the whole of the experience has been orders of magnitude more profound for me than it has for her, and i attribute that to my being willfully closed for so long, while her path has not had this theme.

"it's different for everyone".



thank you. it's real. it has changed my behavior and the way i consider my actions when dealing with other people, animals, my own emotions. i want to be a better person. i see how i have been so wrapped up in myself, which, i suppose, is part of the process. this joy wants me to do whatever i can to create more joy, for me, for the people i love, for total strangers. i'm a musician, and never before have i felt more of a sense of this talent i have being a gift i have to share.

it's a whole new world.



i'm looking at the teks, but the only chemistry experience i have is making butane honey oil from mj, which is the simplest thing ever. i'm confident that none of the teks are beyond my ability to execute, but i'm interested in one that wouldn't require my gf to go through too much anxiety. manufacturing a schedule 1 substance in your home is no laughing matter.



i have a 100mg dose that i'm waiting to take. i still have some integration to do. the experience and it's accompanying emotions are just beneath the surface of every moment of my day. i even experienced sleep paralysis for the first time in years this morning, and for the first time in a lifetime of episodes of sleep paralysis, the entity i was aware of wasn't malevolent at all. i can remember zero details.

thanks all.

i struggle with keeping control with my rational side, and letting go with my intuitive side. the last decade of my life has been characterized by a visceral and often vicious opposition to anything metaphysical. i reveled in the ability of my rational mind to crush the naive light i saw in the eyes of the open (or credulous as i saw them). now, they may not have really been open. it's more likely that they were just blindly trudging the path upon which they'd been set, with no real drive to understand it or seek beyond the "answers" they thought they had. but one thing they had me beat on is they all seemed to have some belief that helped them sleep at night.

i cannot attest to the reality of anyone's experience with existence but my own, and my reality seems more real to me than the reality of others, by design. but i do know that, in my heart, i am a "believer". i have suppressed it, mocked myself and my credulity, and ultimately built up walls to protect me from myself, my yearning for something more. this yearning has brought me to many places, and few of them have even hinted at what i was really seeking.

to live in a purely rational world, as spectacular as that world is, isn't satisfying. the beauty of what we can experience and understand rationally is amazing, but my heart craves the sublime. i have no idea if 2 weeks from now i'll be comfortably back in my familiar shell of rationality and skepticism, but at the moment, this seems impossible.

i want to keep riding this wave until the next one appears on the horizon.

What a great post. You use language quite well to describe the undescribable! I would like to comment on the use of the word "faith" .

I think many religious people, especially Christians, think of faith as unsubstantiated belief. But I don’t think that is quite what it is. I think faith is a tool through which we can affect change in our world. It's an attitude. It is a way of fortifying yourself with what you know are your personal truthes even though you cannot prove their "truth" to others .

From my reading of your post, you are a very "faithful" person.

Peace and love to you, my faithful friend.

a picture i drew while on 5-6 grams of excellent thai cubensis.

can you see the pic i posted? when i'm not logged in the pic doesn't show up. this has me thinking that the pic is only visible to me because it's on my hard drive.

no comment?

I love the pic. It's really beautiful. I love the way the colors of the small spirals intermingle and harmonize whithout jumping out at you. Very fractal-like also.

I used to love drawing on mushies! Though I never used color.
Thanks for sharing!

i just wanted to make sure it was showing up on the forum, but thanks for the wonderful compliment. the night i made it my gf and i spent like an hour looking at it from an oblique angle and it kept becoming 3 dimensional. i was just surprised that i was able to make any coherent picture at all in that state. those were some extra potent shrooms. fun stuff.