brokedownpalace10,
I also am glad you found DMT and made this post. Much of it resonates deeply within me.
I also live with what I call an ongoing tsunami of never-ending stress.
I am older. I was well into middle age when I first tried DMT 14 years ago. Back then I was able to use large doses regularly.
These days I use smaller doses, and yes, I have commented to my husband and in the chat that the activity (for me) is surprisngly exhausting for something that involves laying there without moving and is over in about 10 minutes.
Sometimes when I go in on a relatively hefty dose absolutely physically squeaky clean, I come out of the trance with particles in the corners of my eyes, as if I had slept or worked for a very long time.
Also DMT gives us a huge blast or 5H2A Serotonin every time we hit. I wonder if multiple sessions might make us tired in the aftermath, even the next day, due to a bit of overexcitement at the receptor site?
DMT is powerful medicine and I am convinced that at least for me, some of the intentional work I am doing on myself using DMT as a catalyst is happening at a sub or preconscious level.
DMT memories are elusive. Many have difficulty brining material back. I often have this problem currently. There are a couple things that can help with this:
Treat it like dreaming says dreamer042 and I think he's correct: Go in during the comeup telling yourself you are going to remember this. Then assuming you have not completely obliterated your "I" in there do your best as the trip proceeds to maintain a kind of internal dialog (this can be the beginning of a trip report). Just little mental notes that might trigger memories - things like It was a bright blue room with a low ceiling. There was a female entity holding a device that looked like a combination between a computer and a philodendron. Things like that.
For me DMT is heavily paralytic. My trance breaks and I come back to my body sense before I can actually move my body. These few seconds of tertiary paralysis- where I am back in the room but trapped within my body - are KEY to memory consolidation for me. I am STILL coming down and it is often very pleasurable. Sometimes I sacrifice this for memory consolidation. Here is where I begin mentally repeating to myself over and over everything I can remember.
The moment that I can sit up, even if crazy stuff is still happening in the room or on the computer screen, I get to my word processor (which was open the entire time) and start to write down everything I remember. These sessions of memory writing yield anywhere from one paragraph to over three pages.
In the next day to a week I come back to my report as more memories reveal themselves.
Regarding your PS. LOL I recently had a similar experience. I know I saw and thought about a lot of things. But surprisingly the comeup and the trip didn't seem kind of stressful and frenetic. It seems so very relaxing. When the trance broke I almost fell asleep right then and there. And, within 20 minutes I was taking a nap, the first one I had taken in months.
I often say DMT does not gives us what we want or even what we THINK we need. It just gives us what we need.
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2Hyperspace LOVES YOU