This new year's eve I got my very first taste of LSD. It was the last remaing psychedelic substance I felt curious about. I waited years to have this experience and it was totally worth the wait!
A few weeks ago I got a hit of acid from a person I trust. 150ug was written on the tinfoil that contained a surprisingly small square of paper. Printed on it was one foot of "The Vitruvian Man" by Da Vinci.
I started to count down the days, till the 31st of December finally arrived. I spent the morning cleaning the house and do some gardening to make everything look neat and tidy. I made sure that I am well rested and took an afternoon nap as I heard that sleep will be out of the question for a while.
The plan was to take it by 19:30, hoping the kids would be asleep by the time I feel the first effects. I had a light meal around 18:00, by 19:00 I kissed my wife and kids good night and retreated to a quiet room to meditate and relax. The more time went by, the more excited I became, though I also felt a little anxious.
At 19:30 I felt quite balanced and ready for the unknown, so I carefully unfolded the little tinfoil envelope, took out the little paper square and placed it under my tongue, knowing that this is the moment of no return. I felt good and optimistic about what's to come.
I read that some people experience some kind of electric sensation or the taste of copper when placing it on the tongue, so I paid attention to that. I didn't feel or taste anything at all. It was like chewing an ordinary piece of paper. After a while of moving the paper around in my mouth and occasionally chewing on it, I swallowed it.
I put on my headphones and started listening to the playlist that I created for this evening. It's summer here and wearing anything else than a pair of shorts would have been too much. It was a very hot and windy day, so I thought it might be a good idea to go and water the plants in my garden. Half an hour went by and I expected for something to happen, but everything seemed normal, like it was just another normal evening. I sat down in the garden to meditate. The wind gusts felt good on my skin, but still nothing out of the ordinary. No indication that something big is about to happen. Maybe I felt the flow of things a little more than usual, but that might have just been the result of the meditation.
At this point I started to worry that the LSD somehow degraded from the heat or something else and I really just swallowed a piece of paper. I watched the sky slowly changing it's colors as the sun disappeared behind the horizon. As it got darker I went back inside, feeling a bit bummed out that I didn't get what I was hoping for. I think by then it was 21:00.
I went back to my little room, sat down on a bed and lit up a big white candle that I placed on a nightstand next to the bed. The candle's wick was very short, so short that it barely allowed a tiny blue flame to burn. I could only see the body of the white candle being illuminated by the flame, the rest of the room remained dark. This created the impression that it was just the candle and I floating in dark space. Even though something was clearly going on, I had my doubts that it is going to evolve into something more since so much time has passed already, so I decided to load my vaporizer and enjoy some Cannabis. Maybe it was coincidence, maybe the Cannabis had something to do with it, but I suddenly felt this growing energy in my gut area, emmiting something I can only describe as electric euphoria mixed with a bit of anxiety. It was sitting in my stomach area like a ball lightning and it was growing. I decided to lay down on my side and looked at the tiny flame. This was the moment when I knew and felt that something extraordinary was about to happen.
The candle started to look more fluid than solid, it nearly looked like there was a steady stream of wax flowing towards the tiny flame, resembling a tiny waterfall in slow motion. Next I noticed something that looked like veins that grew from the dark bottom of the candle towards the illuminated top, sometimes retreating a bit, then growing further up towards the flame, looking like the silhouettes of little tentacles. Tiny colorful patterns appeared on the the glowing surface of the candle and finally these patterns seemed to lift off from the candle, flying around it's body. The patterns seemed to have little wings and I couldn't help thinking that they just look like tiny fairies. It was truly magical and I felt so happy that I am allowed to have this experience after all.
Fascinated I kept on staring at the candle and the show it put on for me. It was as if it owned it's own little personality. As I watched the candle seemingly becoming more fluid, growing, shrinking, melting, it felt as if my mind started to melt too. This sensation grew stronger and stronger till I started to feel a bit overwhelmed, but the illusion of being in control remained intact.
It was time for a change of scenery, so I blew out the candle (promising that I will light it up again later), left the room and went back to the garden. Other than the half moon and the stars, the sky was dark now. I made myself comfortable on a chair equipped with pillows and a sleeping bag and gazed into the garden, really starting to enjoy what was happening to the music coming out of my earphones. Each song seemed to go on forever and had such depth and richness. "Carbon Based Lifeforms" seemed to be the perfect choice of music for this evening.
The trees and brushes really got pummeled by the wind gusts. It seemed they were moving in synchronicity with the music. One very leafy bush started to look like a group of creatures, like a pack of dogs all being on a leash, desperately trying to get to me. The bush has red leaves, which made the sight even more dramatic. I felt joy, overflowing with energy, LUST FOR LIFE, giggling from time to time, so the snarling dogs didn't bother me. The palm tree on the other side of the garden was dancing wildly, it's branches sometimes looking like arms being flung around in the air, sometimes like a couple of giant seagulls sitting on a stick, flapping their wings.
I decided to get up and stroll over to the palm tree to take a closer look from below. I saw every fragment of every leaf. I don't know how long I just stood there watching it swaying back and forth in the wind. As I started to walk back to my chair I passed by my children's trampoline and decided to get on it, lie down and look up into the sky. Feeling the wind gusts on my skin was an amazing sensation. It felt as if it was no longer blowing on my skin, it blew through me. I felt each and every atom. I felt grateful to be alive. I could see purple and blue nebulae between the stars. Waves of euphoria washed over me, each one getting more physical, while I kept on laughing into the wind like a mad man. The sky felt so close I just needed to reach up to connect with it. Never in my life felt that kind of ecstasy. I can only describe it as a full body orgasm with a sacred component to it. I closed my eyes and started to feel how my self started to slip away and whatever was left got carried away by the music.
This I feel was the most important part of the journey.
I don't know how much time has past before I opened my eyes again, but when I did, I felt cold and went over to the chair to get comfortable in my sleeping bag. From this position I could see the half moon sinking towards the horizon. I kept on staring at it for a while and noticed that the darker patches on the moon started to move around on it's surface. I realized that this half moon looks just like the shape of a pregnant woman's tummy seen from the side. Just when I had this thought the moving shadows started to look like a fetus moving around in its mother's womb.
By 02:00am I was still tripping, but I felt tired and decided to try to get some sleep, before the sun comes up. This turned out to be more difficult than I thought. I was laying there for at least another hour looking at the closed eye visuals, listening to the wind gusts and breathing bodies around me before I finally fell asleep.
Writing this report wasn't easy. I scrapped and restarted to write it three times and I am still not 100% happy as there was so much more to this experience.
I am really happy I did get to know Alice. She picked me up gently and showed me her world. It was a perfect night in every aspect and even now, a few days later I look at the world with a new found appreciation. That doesn't mean I didn't appreciate it before, but something is different and it feels good and right.
In a way I am glad I discovered LSD relatively late in life, close to my 40s. It's so good, I might have abused it, if I would have discovered it in my youth.
I said to myself that this is probably a one time experience.... I got to be honest with myself, it probably won't be the last kiss from Alice.
I wish everyone a happy and healthy year 2023!
...no need to worry...