endlessness wrote:
The Hermit, it did happen to me that my gf was seeing other people while I wasn't, and it certainly made me learn a lot, made me have to deal with all my fears and insecurities. It's definitely easier when both are seeing others simultaneously, but I think it was a great learning experience and I think it made me much less prone to jealousy/attachment/fears now. I feel our relationship is much stronger by having gone through such experiences.
For those that are monogamous, I have a question.. When you are together with your partner, after the initial infatuation phase has subsided, when you see a pretty/interesting person, do you not feel attracted to that person? And I dont mean whether you want to act on those feelings, but wondering if you feel anything at all...
Personally, I definitely feel attraction to others and wonder how it would be. Each woman is a whole new universe that I wonder how it would be to explore. Of course from a practical stand point I'm not going to have a relationship with every woman I'm attracted to (also because I don't 'make a move' on every one and if I did I'd get lots of 'no's lol), but if I feel like it could somehow fit into my current life, why not? I obviously talk to my gf and we see how we all feel, the context of how we live and how exactly it would work on practice, and if it works, it works, and if not, we can learn from the experience and move on.
It really is an interesting debate. I've been in poly 'arrangements', but always kept myself emotionally detached / aloof. They were far more about freedom and enjoyment than deep connections, or strict relationships. They always seemed to naturally fizzle out / move on.
In my current mono relationship I see lust / attraction to others as a sort of plague more than anything. I agree that each person is a whole universe to explore, and while I've traversed many galaxies in my time, it'll take me the rest of my life to truly explore this one
I've been playing around with some different tantra practices, and discovered some really interesting things - when I cultivate a sacred bond to this (quite amazing) singular person, the other women in the world fade out, lose any and all appeal. When I stray from that course, and indulge in a very base, physical bond, I become physically interested in people that I know deep down I really don't want to be with, not in any permanent sense. That feels like it waters down what I have to give the person I love. So in my current experience, I go with the former.
In the end as you say, if it works for both of you, why not?
"For as the mystic is more and more subjected to the transforming nature of the Light, he is often plunged into an acute awareness of the inadequacy and utter vileness of the lower or 'natural' self" - I.R.