It's a funny thing when you think about it.
We go to bed each night and have no idea what we are going to dream about, yet we are thrown into an experience that goes for hours, and can be truly terrifying. On top of that, we don't even know if we are going to ever wake up the next day... but we don't think about it the same as a 10 min DMT trip.
IMO, the scariest ones are actually the low-dose sub-breakthroughs, because you've still got hold of reality and can freak out with the changes going on.
However, when you have a breakthrough dose, you go past the point of even contemplating trying to hold onto control and next thing you know you coming out of it with a grin on your face thinking "why on earth was I scared?"
Many of us know exactly what you are going thru. Even when you have the calling, it still takes courage.
My advice, just load up your GVG or whatever, and then decide if you want to go thru with it or not. It kind of gives you that little nudge you need, because if you want to pull out, you waste your spice.
Throughout recorded time and long before, trees have stood as sentinels, wise yet silent, patiently accumulating their rings while the storms of history have raged around them --The living wisdom of trees, Fred Hageneder