PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Very tired, headache, but calm. Excited and nervous.
(physical condition) Set: Healthy
Setting (location): House (not mine)
time of day: Evening/Night
recent drug use: None in past 5 days
last meal: Sushi, late morning

PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 90kg
known sensitivities: Most psychoactive substances
history of use: First timer for aya, experienced with medicinal mushrooms

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): Ayahuasca
Dose(s): 2 serves (unknown metric quantity)
Method of administration: Liquid ingested


EFFECTS
Administration time: Approx 10:30pm
Duration: Unknown
First effects: Tinging in abdomen
Peak: Unknown
Come down: Unknown
Baseline: Unknown

Intensity (overall): 3
Evaluation / notes:

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 3
Unplesantness: 4
Visual Intensity: 4
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AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 4; connectedness, energy, spiritual wakefulness, self wellbeing, improved relationships, clarity, calmness; 5 days so far


REPORT
3245 words.

3 days ago, I had my spiritual floodgates flung open, as I was given the privilege to drink with an amazing tribe of people just outside of my hometown. I can truly say these days past, I have felt amazingly deep emotional and spiritual connectedness, joyfulness, love, energy and strength, in ways I’ve never felt before. I now see the world and its inhabitants in an entirely new perspective. It still feels weird to say all of this, as for the past 7 years I have been studying in a few Health Science fields, which has led me to kneel and pray at the Altar of Science and all that is measurable and statistically significant. And my work with other psychedelic plants and substances had more deeply entrenched my way of thinking, as a lot of the psychedelic experience can be explained by bio-molecular science. And going into this ceremony, I believed anything that was about to happen was just another facet of my marvellous brain and neurochemistry, and nothing more.

The Journey
I feel like my journey actually begun the evening prior to the ceremony, where I sporadically decided to attend a yin/nidra yoga class that I hadn't been to in about a year. It was one of the best yoga sessions I've ever had, led by my favourite instructor, and the theme for the class was ‘releasing that which no longer serves you’. During a deep nidra induced meditative state I also had a vision from my deceased relative. More on that later…

And so, several years after learning of, and feeling compelled to try ayahuasca, the day had finally arrived, I was excited, uncertain, nervous and hopeful.

The ceremony was run by a highly experienced ayahuasca drinker and provider, and assisted by some core members of the tribe, some of whom cooked up a nice hearty vegetable soup that we could look forward to eating later in the night, and a couple of guys who volunteered to help service the group and play music as needed.

The main thing that struck me about them all is that they were extremely cliquey, which initially threw me off a bit, but they made everyone feel included, so it was fine. As participants trickled in, familiar faces were given grandiose welcomes and huge familial hugs, which I later understood is pretty much the norm after sharing an experience as I was about to embark on.

I was also a bit unsettled by the amount of time and effort that a lot of people were spending smudging themselves with mapacho, arranging rows of little crystals and gems and rocks and ornaments. Oh, and there was a lot of whistling going on, and making "shoo" sounds with their mouths, which I was pretty baffled by, I interpreted it as talking or communicating with gods or spirits but I’m still not entirely sure what that was about, I’ll make a point of asking next time. But being a very un-spiritual person, I kept thinking, "Is all this really necessary? I'm pretty sure if you ingest ayahuasca, it will just do its thing regardless of whether you are wearing a white gown and have an altar full of healing crystals".

Anyway, after everyone had arrived, the ceremony began. First with a welcoming, followed by some general guidelines of how to conduct ourselves, what to expect and what not to expect, and what to do if anyone needs help. I thought this was all very sensible and well thought out.

The facilitator invited everyone to state their intentions in front of the group, starting with the guy to his left and continuing clockwise. It struck me at this point that all the facilitators were all going to drink as well! I would have thought as trip sitters, they would require sobriety, but I later understood that to be effective at their job, they needed to be in tune with the Spirit to know what everyone was going through. This allowed them to feel whether anyone needed assistance, and to provide the icaros (shamanistic songs) and other music, sounds and ritualistic events, which I found to be absolutely on point, and critical to a successful, safe journey. I am sure some would disagree with me here, but I imagine drinking ayahuasca on your own without a guide or music would be a very ordinary and possibly frightening experience.

The facilitator then invited each person in the same order to kneel in front of him and receive an offering of ayahuasca made from what I believe was Acacia phlebophylla and Diplopterys cabrerana.

I received my brew, which I found had the consistency of V8 veggie juice, and tasted a bit acidic, very rusty and Tabasco saucy. Not overly unpleasant, but not something you’d choose to drink for enjoyment.

I laid down and closed my eyes. I could feel my guts wrestling with the first form of 'food' it's had in about 8 or 9 hours. I imagined my gut flora having a bit of a freak out.

I laid on my uncomfortable camping mattress in the dark focusing on my intentions, trying not to fall asleep, listening to the sound of the icaros, which I quite enjoyed. After about 45mins of nothing much and a fairly sedate room, the facilitator announced that he would be offering a second cup to whoever wanted one. I decided I was about ready to fall asleep if I didn't drink again, so I went up and received my 2nd dose, then went outside for some fresh air. The night was balmy with a cool breeze. I started to wonder what I was doing wrong, was I trying to force it? Was I too focused on my intentions, should I just relax and let it happen?

The Onset
I went back in and laid down, relaxing in, as if I were about to fall asleep, and then I felt a spark in my belly. It grew fast, almost too quick for me to process what was happening, suddenly the spark turned to electricity and was spreading out towards my limbs until I could feel my arms, legs, feet and hands tingling. Electricity was beaming from my fingertips. I felt nauseous but not enough to throw up, the brew gurgled in my stomach violently. I began seeing complex geometry, similar to that of LSD and mushrooms, and I felt the sacred mushroom spirit whisper to me, "It's ok, this is familiar, you've done this before, you've got this". But it was overpowering, I felt severe vertigo, I sat up and looked around, with my vestibular system playing tricks on me I needed to rely on visual cues for balance, only I was in a dark room and found no help here. All I could see were neon pinks, blues and greens overlaying my field of vision. Every time I moved my head my world would turn to mush. I looked down at my body in a last effort to find something to orientate myself, but my fingers started to grow claws and my arms looked like tree trunks. I could hear an electrical static/whining sound coming from my right ear that was agonising. It was the sound of a mosquito making a pass at me, but the sound was so amplified it was almost painful. I started to panic, and breathe heavier. The music got louder and more intense. The room absolutely erupted and I knew everyone was feeling it. There were moans, and thrashing, belching, vomiting, chanting. I was getting really scared.

I laid down again to try to relax and find enjoyment in the experience. I sensed a hint of euphoria so I tried to focus on that. It worked for a moment until everything kicked up a notch again and the nausea returned. Then I remembered what the facilitator said, "If you are feeling overwhelmed, you can ask Mother Ayahuasca to back things off a little bit". So, I did just that, I announced that I trust her, and I am grateful to her, and I know she has my best intentions at heart. I told her I was scared, and I needed to feel more comfortable to be able to hear her wisdom. I needed some points of reference to centre myself.

First Contact
And then she spoke to me, "There is nothing to fear", and she wrapped me up in her embrace. She held me gently afloat, the intensity dissolved, and within a few moments, I was floating perfectly in balance in a tranquil body of water, like a floatation tank, protected by her energy, and from her energy, surrounded by a fierce ocean of intense and infinite power. I felt an overwhelming sense of love. I was in complete bliss and terror at the amount of power I had just witnessed. It was truly indescribable and the most utterly terrifying force imaginable. The power I could feel was beyond anything of this universe.

I feel like my brain was switching frequency, like on an old-fashioned radio dial, the discomfort and horror I felt was attributed to the white static as the needle moved through limbo, between signals, from normal waking reality to this new reality. Then once the signal had been established, I broke through the membrane, she caught me on the other side and embraced me, we were connected, and the pain was over.

And from this point on, I felt stone cold sober, like the DMT had left my body and all that was left was my connection, to Her. The Mother Ayahuasca. And my journey began.

My First Message
Physically, my eyes were closed, but in my vision, I opened them and all I could see was an opaque screen, with two figures behind it. It took me a moment to realise that those figures were my parents! Then I realised I was me as a baby. I had travelled back in time to my infant self! I was smiling, and giggling as babies do, and I knew that although I couldn’t clearly see what or who the two figures were, that they were my parents. And I could feel their deep unconditional love throughout my entire body.

I felt amazing, and overwhelmed, so much so that I started sobbing, tears purged out of my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. I felt LOVE! The kind of love you can only feel from your creator. It was amazing, just…amazing. I bathed in it, letting it melt over me. Then I realised why I was crying. Mother Ayahuasca was showing me this was the answer I was looking for!

After a little while, while the music was at a lull, I sat up and opened my eyes. I had to go take a dump...I guess all the emotional by-products were starting to build up. I did not expect to have such control over purging as I did. I always imagined an ayahuasca purge to be completely uncontrollable, and forceful. I guess I could have chucked if I wanted, but I didn’t feel inclined, so I chose to poo instead of spew.

Going Back For Seconds
I went outside to collect myself and feel the breeze again. I felt exhausted, and it was almost like only 5 mins had passed since the medicine kicked in. I couldn’t believe what I was experiencing. I could feel Her with me, still strongly connected to me, inside every cell of my body, the channel was wide open. After a deep breath, I said “I’m ready”, went back inside and lay back down. I felt no further sense of intoxication, just peacefulness and a little nausea for the rest of the night.

I embodied myself as an infant again, taking it all in. I noticed that there was a focus towards my mum, and while my dad was there too, he was covered in a shroud of darkness. I looked towards him, asking to see more, but She pushed his image aside, and said “No, I have given you my message, you don’t need to see anymore, you have enough, now it is up to you to work with what I have given you.”

Roger that. Who am I to argue with a Goddess more powerful than anything I could ever dream of?

I spent the next part of my journey meditating on this message, processing and understanding what it meant, and how it needed to be applied to my life. The icaros playing in the background helping me stay grounded, I cried a lot, and laughed a little, and felt very much at peace.

Reflecting back on this now, I laugh at how little effort was required to give me this answer to my troubles, it seemed such a trivial thing to her, like saying, “Well, this is the answer, dummy. Did you really need to go to all this trouble to figure it out?”

My deceased relative appeared, in a similar way that she did the previous night during my yoga class. She said she was very sad for me and my family. I cried some more.

During the second half of the ceremony the facilitators took turns in singing icaros, playing the guitar and digeridoo. This is when I received a second message from the Spirit. While the digeridoo was playing, I felt the spirit world open up and explode into life. I felt spirits scurrying around the room playfully, making everyone smile, laugh and vomit some more. I was shown that I need to stop blocking the spirit world out of my life. It doesn’t matter if it makes no sense, the spirit world is under no obligation to make any sense at all, but that is no reason to deny its existence.

The ceremony was officially closed just before dawn, and everyone grabbed a quick bowl of hot starchy soup, sat outside under the starry night and tried to come to terms with what we’d just been through. We had a few chats, then hit the hay for a few hours of sleep.

Everyone started waking up and grabbed some fruit salad and tea for breaky, followed by a sharing circle. It felt like we were all family now, and in a way, I guess we were all children of Mother Ayahuasca.


The Afterglow
My two hour drive home was filled with deep contemplation of the past 24 hours. I did a lot more crying, and smiling. Whenever I replayed the feeling of her power and how gentle and nurturing she was, I couldn’t hold the tears back.

I mulled over how to integrate these messages into my life.

I realised that even though I felt compelled to make some deep changes in my life, I still had the choice. If I wanted I could ignore everything that had just happened and chalk it up to a bunch of bullshit I saw while high on a drug.

The next day my future wife took me for a trip into the hills for a walk among the beautiful trees by a lake, while I recounted these events, she was in awe and bewilderment, not just about my story, she could actually see, hear and feel the changes that had occurred, literally overnight.

The last few days I have felt the deepest feelings of connectedness to everything, nature, other people on the street, my clients. I have a lot more energy to give, which is unusual for me as I am an introvert. People almost immediately open up to me emotionally. I’ve held space and comforted several people who needed to speak about their troubles, deaths of close family, unresolved trauma, recent break ups, etc.

Things are making sense from a spiritual perspective, I can see why people behave in certain ways, I am more compassionate towards those who are aggressive towards me.

During la dieta, I gave up coffee. Now, I love the stuff, it was always part of my morning ritual so it was not easy. Normally when I abstain from coffee for a while, the first one back is sublime! It hits me like hitting a crack pipe (I imagine), but this one I barely noticed. I had one the next day and same response, barely a flicker of a caffeine hit. Weird. Today I just went without. I didn’t bother. I wonder if there is a cross tolerance between DMT and caffeine?

It’s day 5 now and I’m finally starting to feel a bit more myself, what a ride it’s been. I feel glad that my feet are back on the ground, but also sad that the feeling has worn off.

My main takeaways from my first ceremony
As this was my first spiritual experience, and the first time I’ve seriously entertained the idea of a spiritual world beyond the fringes of our universe, I found comfort and validation in knowing that everyone at the ceremony experienced a powerful entity, who was undeniably of the female gender. This validates my own experience somewhat.

Her infinite power could effortlessly obliterate my consciousness from existence if she so desired.

I am eternally grateful for the privilege of drinking with such amazing people, the main facilitator, and his helpers made me feel a bit uneasy when I first met them, with their white ceremonious gowns, their healing crystals and statues and smudge sticks, and general hippy vibes, but I send deep love and apology to them for my pre-judgement. They were all wonderful people who contributed so much love and support to the circle, and made mine, and everyone else's experience beautiful. And I now get why they brought all these trinkets to the ceremony. Next time I will be bringing my own special personal items to welcome the Spirit back to me.

I am grateful for the advice given to us by the main facilitator prior to our journey:
1. Let go of all expectations, whatever you think is going to happen, She will give you the opposite.
2. She is a nurturing, caring, loving mother, she means you no harm and is there to help you, no matter how much fear or pain you are feeling.
3. She will give you exactly what you need, when you need it.
4. She will only give you what you can handle, but if you are feeling overwhelmed or in pain, just ask her with loving kindness, to back off a little, and she will.

I am very grateful for the advice around diet. I know that "If you combine the wisdom of all the tribes using Aya, everything is forbidden and everything is allowed!" (Quetzal7). In other words, they are very contradictory. But I felt like my body was clean, open and ready, despite my hunger pains, a splitting headache and drowsiness after a 5am wake up to go to work, then a 2.5 hour drive through hideous Friday evening school/work traffic.

I realised that the DMT acted only as a facilitator that allowed my brain to dial into the Spirit world, and nothing more. It did not feel like a drug induced experience in any way after the initial breakthrough. I felt lucid and sober, but connected, and this entity that I spoke with, La Madrecita, was not just another facet of my brain, she was external, undeniably real, and undeniably of the female gender, made with the fabric of loving energy. It was from that point on, almost with the flick of a switch that I knew that spirituality was a thing. It didn’t matter that there was no logical/scientific explanation for my experience, I really don’t give a damn about that, this shit is real.

Great report Rock.0, shank you for sharing.

Thank you so much for this report, that was truly amazing and strait to the point. Really inspiring. I was thinking of contacting my facilitator-friend for a Aya session (it's been a while) and now i'm all about it. Thanks for reminding us the simple beauty and power bringed by the Madrecita

Thank you guys for reading
@Quetzal7, I'm glad to hear my story inspired you to get back in touch with the Spirit. Can't wait to hear about your next adventure.