Does anyone feel like "God" is chasing you? As I get closer to God the more terrifying it gets, as union with God would surely mean death. And I can't die yet.

Some days it's worse than others. I'm usually fine during the day. But at nights when it's dark and quiet, my mind turns to spiritual matters. And the contemplation of these things makes me feel a sense of ego death, which feels like real death. This is God chasing me. I'm afraid of surrendering to it, even though I know that eventually it's inevitable.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

That is the essence, the rest are words, interpretations, dreams of it, models, anything we can throw at it. An intelligent design would not skip on checking out on them. That happens when you're open or vulnerable to it's grand works. So congratulations on your healthy functioning.

Fear is the bottom line emotion imho, given by nature like an invisible framework we are mounted on imho. Congrats again for coming to life's core business.

Have to learn to integrate this personalized process, ore just undergo.
Cant get rid of it. So perhaps change relationship to it if possible.
In TAO-ism anything is energy, and consider fear just like a big pile off energy.
Waiting to be looted That's what they doing chi kung et all.

Namaste

Ego death is like real death, for the mind.

That is, the mind remember what it feels like to die and can reproduce the process on a faster scale. As such, the mind can gain access to knowledge in this faster way: it can make everything die. It can dissasemble something, tear apart in pieces, and then piece it back together. It has then understood what is that thing, it sees the component, and the similar component between all things.

The human mind has gain this ability through excessive dying and rebirthing. When the ego dies, one can feel as if the whole world dies, because the ego too is linked to the world, even though in a reduced and illusory way, and the death of the ego carries on the principle of death because, even in illusion, it cannot escape the natural law. When you realize you die and the world die as you do, you are closer to being God, further from illusory ego. In truth there is always ego, you just have to rebirth yourself in an ego that is truth, that is reminiscent of the essence of the world, that knows it had died and is coming back always and forever.

And this is what it means to be God. It means maintaining yourself in that realization of the truth, that you are the flow. To be there in this picture frame, and all the atoms in the universe spreading over million miles away. The nature of the human mind and spirit is to be awakened, it is to know God. It means getting beyond all fear, because all fear and tension arise from the fear of death. It is not terrifying, it is un-terrifying. You've been through that process countless times, everything will be as it should.

God isn't chasing you, you are. And you are doing so to eat your own tail, when you will have eat it, you'll be God.

Wild Things really ...

I don't believe in god.

If you are afraid to die then let that be your guide. Let that be the symbol to letting go. Be prepared to die at any given moment. Best way to do this is to live in the moment. Be present and let yourself go into everything you do.

If you are afraid of surrender. Practice surrender. Practice makes perfect. Look at your life and why you are afraid of surrender and death. Look into it as deeply as you can. Go into it completely. You must face your fears. Don't try and micromanage your life. Let it go freely. What your resist, persists. It is like working out any other muscle in your body. The more you fear, the stronger fear will become.

Life rewards courage. Psychedelic journeys reward courage. Be courageous. Dream a better dream. Tell yourself another story that empowers you. Drop the ego's story of who you are.

Do you want to loop your ego? Ask it what it is.... Ask 'Who am I?'. Watch it loop into nothingness.

I recommend meditation. Start watching your ego and you will see it for what it is. What it is, is not you. You are so much more!

before I read your responses I'm just going to spill real quick.

I think most everybody can relate to / understand the sentiment you have phrased.. and how the same old existential mind-traps keep creeping up the blanket to kiss you goodnight no matter how many times you try and kick it off the bed. We've been there. And most of us will inevitably be there again, in some fashion.

But the shade of your wildest imaginings will always go back to the closet at daybreak, because shadow needs the dark corners to be anything at all. We live with the dark corners, and there are some who choose to live in them, but at the end of the day that is all it is.. a dusty patch of carpet.

As I fill my life and mind with experiences.. ideas like god and space and time get filled.. with laughter.. with knowing-ness.. even joy.

God chasing God.. you don't disappear or dissolve, you evolve. Which is much like disappearing, but not the same.

This^^^^^is^^^^brilliant.





Wow thymamai!

After going 'round & 'round in my mind on how to appropriately respond to the OP, and not coming up with anything that wouldn't end up being a freaking 200 page novel to read through, I saw this this morning that you posted, and wow, I could not have said it better myself!

Thank you for such a wise insight!

Peace

kinda just regurgitating stuff countless others have said here on the nexus... but it's very kind of you to say so, I'm glad you read and liked. because writing is fun for me by default, and when you give me a keyboard it might at times have the same result as giving an 8 year old crayons.

peace

Last year I had a few breakthrough 5-MeO-DMT experiences via vaped Bufo alvarius secretion. My second experience in particular was I think the most profound and amazing experience of my life, and after a decade and a half of fairly extensive psychonautical explorations, for the first time I felt I experienced a state what I could describe as complete mystical union. "I", or my ego, died in a cosmic tsunami of light, I became part of that light/All/infinity/eternity, having had my individuality dissolved, and then I came back and returned and was reborn in a sense. I, like anybody else, cannot claim to know what death is really like, but I do feel this experience took me closer to what it may be like than any experience I'm likely to have until my dying day. I also found I would re-enter this state at night following the experience for some time, to dream about it vividly, and be much better able to recall it when falling into or coming out of sleep.

So I guess my main point is I think it is possible to have this experience, or something akin to it, and return without truly dying. This experience converted me from a firm agnostic (that thought if "God" existed at all, it was unknowable) to a firm pantheist, that views All as God. In a sense a very subtle change in perspective, in other respects a pretty profound shift.

I'm not chasing you, and if I am it's part of the game I've made for myself. I don't know why I would create a game where I would hide myself from myself, but I guess I do it all the time. Look at the new atheists. Theres a strange one. I made myself, not only forget that I am myself, but to vehemently deny my own existence. I did an incredible job with the linguistic gymnastics and intellectual dishonesty in that case.
I also made the churches, which was a weird thing to do. I don't need to be worshipped or even recognized. I'm god. Recursive bullshit factories that simplify me so offensively, that I can barely peek at what they are doing from behind my god fingers.

Don't worry OP. Everything is okay. You're just tripping, even when you're not. You are god and I can prove it.
Ping!
See?

And even if you and I weren't god, how could we possibly run fast enough to get away? Everywhere we'd turn, it would be there. Staring us in the face.

Thank you all for your thoughtful and insightful responses. Yes it is a strange thing, to be chased by ones self. Yet I still have a hard time surrendering to it, to the void, to THE UNION. I never felt this way before I had a wife and children. I know my ego isn't real. And yet I feel like I need to hang onto it for their sake. They need the "me" that doesn't really exist. And to surrender would feel like I'm leaving them behind.

This is a great community of people. I'm glad I found this place.

Can we call that habituated to patterns, and the fear for implications to change them?

Imho it is possible to perform patterns but with a complete overhaul of how they come across to yourself and others. For example I still swear over politicians and managers but as of late there is as much love, understanding and compassion embedded. Earlier on there was only the swearing, but now the swearing is more of a label only, a "skin" for the compassion behind it.

I don't believe in behaving holy as a pope and pretending to be swear free. It won't last. As I swear, people recognize me in the pattern. If I was holding back swearing then people would feel I force myself a better garmet-of-soul. So I keep swearing but the whole load that comes with it has changed dramatically, now it's more tongue in cheek, more humorous ...

I've always believed the true value is not in the words but in the intention behind it. I can still have patterns no problem, recognizable ones for the others and myself, but I am free as a bird to load those patterns (energetic, intention) any how I like. That is the area where my evolution takes place. The fact that my 'new me' is working from the back ground rather than a new pattern, makes it the ideal stealth sower of the new seeds. If the pattern finally changes on its own behalf, it will be so natural and gradual everybody digs it.

I agree a lot with what you said Jees.

Any pattern you can have, if you're still centered on your essence - breathing is the most accessible form of it - all noisy illusions will stay that, noisy illusions, peripheral informations and attitudes that don't weight much.

It's important to remind of this: thoughts don't weight much. They can if you chose too give them weight, but compared to the radiant essence they weight so little, they feel like a feather lost in a cosmic solar sea ...

However I think if you stayed centered, and with time, noisy illusions vanish. They are just not needed. They may express themselves once in a while but they will go decreasing, never extinct maybe but so few will they come around you will actually be surprised if they do.

I think mythology used to be full of that tongue in cheek and magical yet non serious way of looking at things. They knew how to take the weight of a feather ...

About pattern also, when you see all pattern and start having an eye for them, you realize there's only One.

this post speaks a great truth.

on another note i do know what you are talking about OP and it does scare me as well admittedly. its a powerful and radical thing to embrace but given time i believe i will come to be at peace with it.

Just because you don't agree with/understand another persons view of the universe/existence is not a reason to insult them.

God is infinite consciousness. The union of divine consciousnesss and human consciousness is always there, here and now existing within the same moment.
If you feel it is chasing you, stop playing hide and seek and embrace it.