ok. i get home from work. check the mailbox. hurray it has my salvia (4x, 10x, 20x, 40x).

get cleaned up, sort out any jobs that need to be done.. ready to relax. First time salvia user here. so i grab the 4x and smoke 1 bowl... im feeling a little wierd.. then im feeling extremly wierd 5 minutes later.. i decide that while im still able to function ill pack another cone.... smoke that in one hit.. hold it for about a minute and lye down in bed... i had to close my eyes to concentrate on relaxing and then my thoughts took me into a journey... the whole time... im walking through some sort of "space". i feel cement on my feet as though my feet are contacting the ground and rolling from my heel to toe on each foot in succession. i see images, and distinctly remember some chilli guy that may have been a woman. I say chilli because there was a flashing outline shape of a chilli. i got out of the trip because i needed to tell someone what i had seen prior to that(forgotten).

Now the afternoon goes by and its time for bed time.. i find that since i handled the 4x so well ill try the 10x. I ended up smoking 10x, then comming out to smoke 2 cones of 40x. Now ill tell you why.

So i sit down at the computer listening to BoC in a dark room, calming myself down, trying to prepare mentally and physically... I pack the 10x and put it by my bed, say goodbye to nexus chat and shut off my computer. I smoke the 10x and immediately feel the need to put my pipe down and get under the sheets of my bed.. close my eyes and bam... total loss of physical control and im into salvia world. the frustrating thing is that im most comfortable lying on my stomach to sleep so naturally to get into a safe position i rolled all the way over and caught various images of my bed sheets.. and my legs/feet. i hear this voice. a VERY COMMANDING voice. is says this to me: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN. until i cannot handle it anymore and break out. The thing is that it was just repeating visual frames at a rate that i cannot begin to imagine.. it was like watching one of those flip books, but the actual movement of the image was very slow only that it was happening very very very very very quickly.. i saw my legs tuck into my sheets and my head roll over, meanwhile my throat was clenched and i had some information put into my head.. it was like a second overlay of reality.. like another plane of existence or somthing. i distinctly remember looking through the eyes of a man with a guitar and seeing this woman. this great woman. i felt extreme love for her, still even now. all she cared about was helping me learn. but i frustrated her. its imporant to note that when i said i broke out.. thats when i came back into the real world.. i was being told more more... you need more, or you cannot see us. i grab the first salvia bag i see.. and its the 40x she tells me that i need more, and the 40x will give me more.. so i pack it. i smoke it.. and fall down into what i just described. the thing is.. i was shown something so special i had to tell someone.. i needed people to tell me later i knew that i would forget it.. i start my computer up, log onto nexus chat and run off in an out of control writing frenzy the woman is telling me that i cannot tell people. that its secret. she wanted me to go on there to tell a particular person, but he was gone.. i was not to tell anyone else. but i did.. i tried. but it became too much, i had to catch the trip while it was still here.. the woman was leaving me i could see her (along with the guitar, and mexican background with cacti and everything) in my minds eye as im watching the computer screen... i turn the computer off and smoke 1 more bowl of 40x.

Im so fucking pissed off with myself. she trusted me, she was trying to teach me, but i tried to tell people about it, i had no respect.

I fall back into bed after the 40x and exhale "X" amount of time after.. because by this point.. i have no fucking clue what time is.. and why im in this stupid room and not with "her". the thing is: i was supposed to go on the computer and tell this one person (only him) and i fucked up. BIG TIME. directly after collapsing back into salvia world or whatever this place was. i realise that she is dissapointed at me.. i try to apologize... with that voice in my head you know when you think or read silently.. i was saying im so so sorry.. i really want you to trust me, please let me in. and then she speaks.. as she speaks im thinkging "how the fuck can i explain all of this to people!" and in a non verbal way it was like: see, i cannot trust you, and i will not teach you until you can learn to repect me. time was ticking... i was losing my ride into the place where they were going... i tried to catch this mental elevator and i felt it in my whole body... comming up up up my body.. rising from my feet, slowly to my head.. but as it got to my neck or chin.. it got to the top(the elevator did).. it left me. it was squeezing me out. POP. im back.
real world conciousness. DAMN!... please let me back :'( i was still lacking motor skills from the salvia.. and i needed to sleep for work the next day. i try to sleep... only finding that this put me back into the salvia world.... and i can no longer get to her i only hear the screams of my inner voice. not pleading but, talking to myself, stay calm.. relax, you can do it, concentrate, you can catch them, just be fast, concentrate..use your body come on! but it didnt work, she has left.. but she tells me everything i need to know if i ever want to see her again..

What's so hard to understand?

Well, not so much understand the trip. but understand why? why her, and will i see her again? what was it about the repeating frames that made me go "aaah thats it!! now i know everything" and laugh histerically loud[laughing at the unfathomable simplicity of what this really was]. (oh and i remember it was actualy my laughing that brought me out of it the first time)

I forget what it was that made me have that feeling of knowledge, and importance. it was something about the visual repetition.. but ahhh... it could have been somethign shortly after. i dunno.. its just so amazing.. its the only thing ive thought about all day... all day wondering... i just needed to share it, get it out.

20x cone, plus a one of 40x. I

its all about entering another world... the "and then" bullshit i was on about its just the description of a very old guys name. its not "and then" it sounds similar, its continuous.. his name goes on forever. yet i chose to stop pronounciation, i wanted to see where this would bring me... as i felt the salvia enter though my bloodstream and pump up my body and decline through my head it was like stepping through a window into another world. though as last time i cannot enter. i have to wait. they want to see my improvement. i would have been allowed last time, but i wasnt relaxed enough last time plus the fact that i wasnt able to tell this person that i was going... thats what was all part of it.. I dont feel like going into details at the moment. theres something holding me back. . . its about not wanting to get assistance. or not using this great tool for a period of time before the next dose.

"and then" is the introduction of me into the other world, though this place is very very uncomfortable, not in a bad way, just hard to enter. i think i can get into this world with advanced practice, because i seemed to see things much more clearly (though with a lack of tripping or.. its as though thier is something stopping me from seeing it "directly" ). the thing is. i spent in surplus of 1 hour focusing thought and energy on nothing, or the thought of nothing external. only internal analysis of bdy senses and the mind (--> This is where i went wrong <--). though there seemed to be some sort of history theme. it feels as though the contents of my understanding is from the herb itself... the salvia world seems to be some past event, something thats trying to surface and reveal itself but requires me to silence my intuition. this time, rather not the thought of my ego, but the voice of my intuition (ie, the way that my concentration on body and brain converts into virtual speech in my mind). no questions. no answers. not for personal gain or for the ability to tell a story, but for the creativity of "concept" and the ability to achieve one-ness, or furthering the mind.

im not really sure where this is going.. im now almost out of the salvia "high" so ill stop. until next time i suppose.

The wierdness of it, i suppose it makes more sense now.. but it was the way that my first trips were influenced by a starting point, something to improvise off of.

I understand now that this isnt the most fun thing to do but its certainly interesting and seems to really accelerate the function of my brain and thought patterns, which cannot be a bad thing.

nice reports! She definatily is a strange but wonderful and caring teacher.

i didnt understand why people refered to salvia... or whats in salvia as her. but i do now.