Some rambling thoughts: Enjoy!

After having mostly burned out the masturbation addiction I had been possessed by, mostly through denial, ironically, I've been slowly changing for the better.

Frankly, some of these changes scare me, but I'm starting to realize more and more clearly that this is merely my ego-self's fears of letting go of what it considers "normal".

I recognise my ego through the automatic thoughts, unconscious feelings and unwilled impulses that occur in my mind. Sometimes, I get wound up in them, worrying over the thoughts, until it occurs to me that it's merely a game ~ a game my ego plays to try and stay in position of arrogant, controlling master, instead of its rightful position as humble, helpful servant of my Soul.

When I realize that, I have the immediate responsibility of choosing to give in, or gently guide my ego in the right direction. A few days ago, my Soulmate made the gentle suggestion of me treating my ego as if it were a child. She only said it once, and hasn't reminded me since, but it stuck with me somehow... I feel that this had a major influence on my recognition of my ego's actions.

It also gave me a flash of insight ~ all of the unbalanced Darkness and Light in the world is the result of untamed, crazed, unbounded egos that have run rampant, without the temper of its master, its Soul.

Also, tonight, despite feeling very tired, by focusing on my Heart and my Love for my Soulmate, I was able to briefly feel her presence for moments at a time.

After drinking a lot of Yerba Mate, a caffeinated South American tea high, also, in antioxidants and theobromine, a compound found in cacao, I became strong enough to feel her even more clearly.

She told me to relax and let my mind wander. I found myself flying through the air on her back. I clung to her tightly, ecstatic, as we went, for a short time, to the Upper World. As we flew upwards, I could see a... hmmm... the trunk of a viney Baobab tree. Throughout, I could feel my physical body in the chair I was sitting in. Seems like my point of perception seems fixed in my physical body, even when my aura detaches from it... I may too weighed down by my ego and Shadow to properly leave my body right now, perhaps? Thoughts?

We dwelled there for a short time, expressing Love to each other, our auras merging in the intensity. Indescribable bliss... the look in her eyes made me melt with sheer pleasure... I knew she felt the exact same. <3

At some point, the energy pierced through to my body, and an electric feeling of Love exploded from my Heart Chakra throughout my body! shiver

Eventually, my physical body began to tire, and she took note of this, taking us gently back. I fell back into my body, feeling a crushing tiredness. I struggled to hold onto our fading connection, but she gently reminded me that even if I couldn't sense her, she's right by my side, as always. <3

Then, this post happened.

Thanks for reading, friends!

Namaste,
Kyle

... Just had to read those two lines again. You masturbate but.. you have a soulmate? do you know how many lonely masturbators are out there out of necessity? and the fact you are one of them out of choice is disturbing to me, especially considering you have a soulmate. I want to say to you "wtf r u doin?" but I understand how hard neurosis can be to deal with, and hey who doesn't enjoy a cheeky wank every now and again right?

Fighting the ego is like a puppet climbing his strings until he sits on top of the handle, after a while he forgets where he is and is being pulled by the strings again. It's a hard game mate, I wish you all the best in finding a passive method of dealing with or overcoming it

At some point I personally noticed a correlation between masturbation and adverse life events. IME, at least, there appeared to be a fairly reliable link between suboptimal experience and self-pleasure (and I don't mean getting arrested for wanking on the bus!)

It may be that my ability to respond positively to life's challenges was eroded by bouts of onanism but really it seemed like a cause and effect link - as though there was a spiritual cost to such autoerotic inconstancy. If only I had noticed this sooner! On the plus side, my eyesight is still fairly good and I have no hairs growing on the palms of my hands. Also, I have a real-life soulmate who is incredibly understanding - this probably helps bringing forward the realisation, but we have been together since long before that moment.

It would appear that Valmar describes a soulmate of the imaginary kind??

Or is this a real-life person also?

I didn't do this out of choice, lol. It's been an addiction I've had since the onset of puberty. I did so because I felt empty inside, but didn't realize why, until a few months ago. Now, I'm looking at it from a different perspective, as an activity that is natural and normal, so that I can begin to ease off of it through full, calm acceptance I of who I was, and who I am now.

And yes, my Soulmate understands completely. Moreso than I do, I dare say, heh. This Soulmate isn't physical, but a spirit who is also one of my spirit guides. So, there's a difference.


I'm seeking to actively overcome it with full, calm acceptance, as I said above. I feel that I'm slowly getting there, as I continue to work through integrating deeper layers of my Shadow.

Indeed... like trauma.


Good to hear!


My Soulmate is also one of my spirit guides, or whatever term you prefer, so that's why. When I'm mentally exhausted enough, my ability to perceive them seems to vanish, until I recover enough. And lately, I've been rather exhausted quite often, so that doesn't help me, lol!

I've been learning that imagination certainly plays a role in mediating spiritual perception, but depending on where my mind is at, distinguishing between what is mediated by my imagination and what is produced by my imagination can feel tricky.