PRE-CONDITIONS(mind)Set: Been 10 months since my last experience with rue and mimosa and 8 months since my last psychedelic (LSD) been feeling the call for a while now and have known what areas of life I want to question - primarily the source of resistance between what I want to do and actually doing it.
(physical condition) Set: have been eating healthy for a good while and getting a decent amount of exercise which has left me feeling physically good, have been eating nothing but fruit and veg for the last 24 hours.
Setting (location): at home in our apartment, we've smudged and cleaned so it's a nice comforting environment.
time of day: drank the rue at 12:30 and the mimosa at 13:00. Was a beautiful sunny day outside.
recent drug use: smoked a joint 10 days ago, have been drinking rue at night regularly, had my last coffee the afternoon before.
last meal: at 9 am I made a smoothie with bananas, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, peanut butter, hemp protein and a superfood powder mix
PARTICIPANTGender: Male
body weight: 71kg
known sensitivities: none
history of use: smoked dmt over 100 times with many breakthroughs, acid many times, mushrooms twice, ayahuasca 7 times, very familiar with rue on its own, experienced other random psychedelics too which aren't comparable.
BIOASSAYSubstance(s): rue tea and mimosa tea. Both of which I made using a pressure cooker and thoroughly exhaust the materials
Dose(s): 4g and 2.5g
Method of administration: Tea
EFFECTSAdministration time: T=12:30 - Rue. 13:00 - Mimosa.
Duration: 5 hours from ingestion of rue till baseline
First effects: felt the rue strongly by the time I drank the mimosa, after drinking the mimosa I started noticing the first effects of it around 15 minutes later at T=0:45
Peak: Peaked at T=1:00 - T=04:00
Come down: T=4:00 - T=6:00
Baseline: T=6:00
Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes: It's difficult to judge the intensity as the drive behind the experience itself is far from that of a solid dose of smoked dmt but having ego intact while experiencing the infinite trumps any dmt breakthrough I've had in intensity..
OPTIONALPleasantness: 4
Implesantness: 4
Visual Intensity: 4
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AFTER-EFFECTSHangover: 1 - slight headache and mental tiredness
Afterglow: 4 - everything in my life feels clear, I feel happiness and love without resistance
REPORTIt's not been long since the trip and I still feel slightly affected whilst writing this but i want to get down as much as I can while it's fresh. as usual words are futile at trying to explain what it is we see when we're experiencing psychedelics but I will try my best and I'm determined to not cut any corners in doing my best at describing this one..
over the last 3 years since discovering dmt I've been shown so many life changing things and had eye opening insights but for some reason I still find life so difficult to live to the potential I know I could. There seems to be some part of my self that doesn't want me to be happy and thrives best when I'm not doing the things I enjoy and leaves life feeling laborious when I know it could be effortless. It's this which I've wanted to dig into for a while now and after having move to a place where I can partake in psychedelics once more and having overcome some of the most pressing concerns in life (home, food, income) and having turned 23 on Tuesday I felt like now was a good time to do the deed. Another reason why I was drinking was because my girlfriend has never done a psychedelic in her life, she's very curious to what they have to offer her and I know that a lot of the issues she faces in day to day life can be eased with the new way of looking at things they offer as well as the deep healing they're capable of. I really wanted to help her have this experience but I wanted to re-familiarize myself with the experience so I knew how to properly respond to any potential difficulties she might have. I also wanted to test the potency of this brew so I could accurately judge how much to give her.
me and my girlfriend went round the room smudging with sage and lit some incense, we had cleaned the apartment thoroughly. she was going to sit and paint in the other corner of the room whilst I lay in bed during the experience and then we'd switch places after I had come back.
It began with drinking the rue tea and lying in bed with an eye mask on to block out as much light as possible. I put on some ambient music quietly. I lay there trying to just let go as much as possible and after a while I felt a fairly strong vibration from within myself and I knew that the time to drink the mimosa was coming soon, when the time came my phone alarm went off and I felt as ready as I could be to drink the mimosa so I knocked it back and chased with some water and a bite of banana to help get my stomach in the mode of metabolizing.
After drinking the mimosa I felt effects almost immediately, a feeling of powerful energy was becoming more and more noticeable and with this feeling I felt a slight ominous threatening feeling, for a second I thought to myself ''what have I done, why would I want to do this to myself?'' but I quickly realised that this was the first signs of my ego trying to hold on. I combated this by reminding myself why it was I wanted this experience and in doing so the threatening feeling became comical and my ego seemed cute. From here I tried to focus on the act of letting go as much as possible, whenever a physical worry would enter my mind I would re assure myself that everything is fine and would go back to focusing on breath, letting go as much as possible on every breath out. I continued feeling the need to reassure myself that I was fine but that reassuring voice became quieter and quieter and eventually I saw how my self as the face I recognise as my self, the name that I respond to was separate from my self and it was moving further and further away into the infinite of the void but still trying to reassure myself that everything was ok. I realised that this was kind of ridiculous as I felt as much myself as I ever feel even though the features I've come to identify as myself were slipping away and needed reassurance from some mental construct of a deeper sense of self no longer felt needed so I let go and just continued focusing on breathing.
So no I was no longer the 23 year old male human that I've become so familiar as identifying as myself and yet I still felt very much my self, even more so. now began another process of identity loss where I felt like a part of me was dissolved which allowed infinity to start pouring into my being. I saw a door open in the blackness of my mind where a lady stood and she asked me if I'd like to come through, I agreed and I was lead down a corridor. I felt like I entered a vast space and had been made open to other entities to enter my being I began seeing witches and trolls and weird looking tree beings which all had a sort of grotesque look to them but their behaviour was very cute, they would often do this thing where they'd wiggle their fingers in front of my face which would lead me deeper and deeper into a sort of trance.
After a while of this I realised that I was able to enter a deeper state by focusing on my breath and breathing in a certain way which would open up an incredibly dmt-esque space where an entity would begin by mesmerizing me once again with wiggling its fingers in my face which would allow me to proceed deeper into this newly created space. I began with meeting two innocent looking 12 year old girls who were very comforting and they would show me various objects which departed various information to me. then I would be lead into a deeper place where new entities began showing me impossible objects which once again departed information and also seemed to bring me deeper and deeper into a trance state which would rid me of thought and bring me to a state where I was purely an observer of these beings who now began to rummage through my consciousness occasionally bring my attention to certain parts of my self they decided were important I looked at. while they were doing this what I understood to be mother ayahuasca who felt like an angel of the highest tier who was devoted to the healing of all conscious beings jumped into my consciousness and I felt profound love from her, she scraped through the entirety of my being within seconds and gathered everything that was sick and wrong and wrapped it up into a tiny little package and presented it to me and in doing so I felt like I could let go of it as it all seemed so small now. I then slipped once more into an even deeper state..
Here I saw a friend of mine who I know has various difficulties in life and I then felt his pain as it was 100% my own, I wondered how was it I could live with myself knowing that the people I love are suffering.. I vowed to myself that I will never allow myself to be ignorant of the pain of those I love ever again. After this I felt like all the baggage that was being shed had now accumulated inside me and was ready to be purged and I started to feel very nauseous and I also needed to pee. I sat up and briefly explained what happened to my girlfriend and then sat staring into my bucket trying to let go of what was inside me but it wouldn't budge. I decided I would go pee and as I started walking I fell down to my knees and forcefully threw up a sticky, mucousy mouthful of vomit which didn't look like anything I'd normally throw up. I still felt really sick but didn't feel like any more was going to come up. I went and peed which also felt like a purge of some sort. I went and sat down in bed and I still felt very uncomfortable and a profound sadness that I just couldn't understand why I was feeling. My girlfriend came over as she noticed I was having a hard time from my sighing and she suggested that maybe I should continue to go inwards as maybe there was more to face and let go to. I decided she was probably right and lay down again with the blindfold.
When I lay down an entity at the corner of my awareness started showing me how there was a construct at the end of my awareness that was made by my self and that what was outside of that construct was just as much me as what was inside it. it was like a cup of water in a pool of water and the cup too was made of water. I then leaked out to the other side of this construct and dissolved into infinity, here I experienced an infinite sadness that felt like it was all of the suffering of the universe at once and I felt like I spent an eternity here. eventually I realised myself as a soul once again and I decided to sit up once again.
I once again was sighing and crying and I asked my girlfriend for a hug and we hugged for a while until the closeness felt claustraphobic and I felt like I might need to purge again so I went and sat on the toilet for a while but was too confused at how my body works and I would continue getting stuck in that infinite awareness and feeling like I was never going to come back from it, I was never going to be sane again after experiencing what I'd experience and the only thing I had to cling on to was the time before I had thought that where I ended up ok. I also thought about how I might have created more inner tension and resistance and I didn't want the trip to end up as a step backwards. the patterns in the bathroom were turning into very threatening entities and I wanted to get out as quick as possible. I felt panicky and saw where the origin of a lot of psychotic behaviour stemmed from (such as skin picking, excessive washing, itching etc) and decided not to give in to it. I decided I was not done going inwards as I wanted to face whatever it was which was so threatening to me. so I went and lay down once more and put on my blindfold.
From here the trip started taking a massive positive turn, I felt myself focusing on feelings and how that lead me to my heart which lead me to the feeling of love. I realised once more that all there is is infinite love and everything outside of that is illusion. I saw how I had always known this but I had been fighting this - resisting this and this was the source of my sadness and the source of all sadness and as I dug deeper and deeper into this resistance I was eventually shown that the source of this resistance is literally nothing! It was just an idea I had, it existed purely because I was unwilling to let go. I began to let go more and more and as I did so I felt more and more amazing. on every breath out I would feel / see waves of resistance and tension just disappear into the nothing is was made out of. I would feel this resistance work its way out deep from within my being escaping in the form of laughing and tears and huge yawns that felt like the entirety of my body stretching itself in a cleansing way.
Eventually I was able to simply be in perfect bliss until an profound sense of knowing would come about and I felt the need to express it. I would begin to express it and see how words were futile and I understood how all of existence was this.. an profound sense of knowing and the need to express it. I laughed again and again at how clear everything I had been in doubt about was to me. I felt such clarity towards my creativity and I felt no blockage in allowing myself to feel and express emotions. I really can't do this bit any justice.. It was the most amazing and sober sense of clarity into everything I have ever had. I really feel like something has changed massively within me. All I need to do is simply be without resistance and everything will be fine.
There is so many visions, entities, interactions with entities, feelings felt that I just can't even begin to explain but I such is the nature of trip reports.
Towards the end I felt and still feel such a tremendous love for all of you, you're all such amazing beings and you're all doing amazing things for the world in your own way. I have such great faith in humanity when there's people like yourselves amongst us.
I have a lot to integrate with this one and I'm sure there'll be more and more that will come back to me over time, maybe I will edit or add in more to this report but for now it is what it is. Thank you all!