“SMILE!”

So, this was my first DMT trip!

I was super nervous – silently prayed to the beings (?) for some help & to meet me halfway (because I wasn’t sure how intense a full dose would be and wanted to play it safe), took a couple of hits, closed my eyes & relaxed.

I saw floral-fractal visuals & heard a crack – and a jester’s face suddenly popped into view & he quickly told me “Smile!” with a SUPER cute, jester-ish voice that matched his appearance perfectly and I suddenly gave a huge smile – and I could suddenly see WAY further into the blackness behind my eyes.

He quickly disappeared – and then hugged & squished my entire body & mind in a sexual way.

A starlight vertical block showed up in front of me & a horizontal one to the left connected to it – and then I saw something translucent in front of my eyes & after a second, I realized that it was his gloves – like he was facing me to give me something.

Then he showed me three objects:

The first was a green, translucent triangle & as I looked slightly up, there was a sphere the same color – and then as I looked slightly up again, there was another sphere with bands of energy that were moving in a sort of erotic (?) motion – and I felt waves of pure love.

When I looked around, I saw a starlight portal in the back with three starlight beings telling me “We’re in here!” – and the starlight itself was bright white with a beautiful rainbow glow.

Suddenly, the jester cracked into view again and moved so insanely fast it looked like he was teleporting – and then the portal went away and the view went to the left where I saw a translucent blue Illuminati Eye in a pyramid – and I stared for a second before the jester jokingly said “You’re not supposed to look at that!”

I quickly looked away – and it felt like he found me cute – the whole thing was hilarious.

Suddenly as the trip (?) was wearing off, I started remembering trip reports and had a bunch of questions – like the green goddess my brother & a friend saw on DMT – and the jester got really impatient and told me “You’re not supposed to see her yet!”

Then I saw just his hat as he like ran away from the scene – gone in like a second!

As soon as he disappeared, I quickly came out of the “trip” (?).

When this was all over there so much love and happiness – euphoria, ecstasy – I felt so healed and so insanely in love with these entities & what I saw – just totally, totally amazed.



Drawing - 1 - (original)!
Drawing - 2 - (totally accurate)!

hey Nina, welcome to the forum first and foremost!

I've been following along with your introduction and it seems you have some unique characteristics. It is infinitely interesting to hear from a perspective such as yours. Long story short, I really enjoyed your report. There is nothing as simple as a smile, and it can make all the difference in the world (or any worlds for that matter...hehe). And when I read your words, I felt compelled to share this song with you:



Keep on smiling, Nina!

Thanks for the kind words!!! I love the song!

How do you feel DMT is helping you?

I understand having bizzare experiences and having vivid hallucination, but I feel if your not grasping the implications of the hallucinations and the experiance, and learning from them, than what your doing may not necessarily be benneficial.

I feel when you do these things right, you don't need to do them often, I also feel the areas that DMT allows you access to are not meant to be trampled through haphazardly. After my first time with DMT I was transformed, I'm still learning from that experiance, any way, part of why it was benneficial is that it was not something I had to do over and over again, honestly that one time was enough (though I do still use yagé fairly often, and on very rare occasions I still smoke DMT)

Some claim schizophrenia may have something to do with the 5ht2a receptor, this is corroborated by the findings that 5HT2a receptor antagonists treat schizophrenia.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14642974
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9926100

As DMT is a serotonin 2a and 2c receptor agonist, I could see the potential for this compound to actually exacerbate your mental health issues...

...plus since DMT is a 5HT2a receptor agonist, and most newer schizophrenia medications are 5HT2a receptor antagonists, there may be reactions regarding medications that could lead to issues...

Please be very very very careful...

I promote the amazing abilities of this compound more than anybody, but I also do a ton to urge people to not use these compounds.

safety, responsibility, and education are always key, one must always be mindful of potential risks, and if your in a category which puts you at higher risk, such as having diagnosed mental illness, you must be all the more careful.

If your working with medications, or at least still working with psychiatric staff, I would bring this to their attention, you may be at higher risk than the average person, and may need to take extra cautions.



Please be cautious and safe,

-eg

Thanks for the warning! I do take DMT extremely seriously and have only smoked about 5-6 times in my life (and have no desire to do it any time soon). It has helped immensely with depression and suicidal thoughts - all of this went away after my experiences with the jester and the soul surgery they performed on my mind.

I am healthy and self-aware about my mental and physical health.

When I met the jester my entire life came into focus.

I have a lot of respect for these beings.

I don't take anything for granted!

And I am very careful - I can't stress this enough.

I love your specific uniqueness, Nina, and I think it is great to have you here at Nexus.

Thanks for the welcome!

I haven't smoked DMT since this experience and have no desire to for a very long time.

Just out of curiosity,

How do you feel.DMT is helping you?

And what are you goals and intentions regarding it?

-eg

There were a lot of reasons, but they're too personal!

Another thing I’d like to mention is that I used to be a strict atheist before my experiences with DMT.

When I smoked, I could feel God or something like it on the other side…it completely changed my beliefs about God and the afterlife.

I feel happy knowing that other entities exist and that they have an interest in our universe.

I cringe when I look back at the person I used to be…there was no empathy--little love and compassion. After meeting with the jester, my mind has done a total 180. I feel like I’m in love with the universe.

Life is beautiful.

When I look back on my suffering before DMT, I want to cry because I was in such a dark place.

I was in a personalized Hell.

DMT is the best thing that ever happened to me - that and LSD.

...and the goofiness of my two mushroom trips, but that's another story.

The only experience I've had that relates in meeting GOD is here:

https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=68623

it was epic and confusing and just what I needed, it seemed...

Amazing report!

God was also a very loving, kind, patient figure for me - and vastly hyper-intelligent, precise and something else I will never be able to comprehend except knowing that this Source is absolute perfection.

I never spoke with him, but I could feel him kind of overseeing my experiences - he was the one that allowed this to happen.

He's all powerful and all knowing - and made entirely of love and sexuality.

God is some kind of an orgasm.

...with an outrageous sense of humor - he can play a joke on himself and giggle for an eternity.

And he might be the punchline.

Bizzare...

I can relate in that I was agnostic before my first breakthrough, though the experiance had little to do with God or love...

Here's what happened:
(For those of you who have read this on other threads I apologize for posting it so many times, however I feel this was the single most significant event I'll have in this incarnation...



the event had more to do with actually dying, and experiencing conscious-being after death. It was traumatic, I still get PTSD similar symptoms (nervousness, shakes, butterflies in the stomach, etc.. ) while recalling this experiance, as for the experiance itself, I can honestly say I hope to never repeat it, though I know at death I'll have to, only at death there's no returning to the incarnation from which you departed, and at death you may move beyond these "between" realms, the "bardo", which are places after death, but before reincarnation...

These bardo realms are dangerous, and fairly frightening, just as the DMT flash is.

DMT has never been euphoric for me, and the wisdom earned from it is never given up easily.

I still cringe in terror when I recall having to re-enter and navigate these spaces, yet, simultaneously I no longer fear death, as I'm fairly certain I know what to expect, at least up until the bardo.

This prayer has always helped pull me from lower realms into warm comfort, it's always helped center me when in these realms...

THE WANDERS PRAYER
As I wander through world's of illusion,
May I remain confident,
And remember my own mind.
May the five wisdom shine
May I recognize myself.

When earth, water, fire, air, or ether rise up against me,
May I remember my teachers,
May blessings go before me,
And compassionate queens of space help me to cross this dangerous place.

When my old ways of thinking cause me to wander,
May I hear blessings,
Even in the roar of 1000 thunders,
And recognize this realm of shadows for what it is.

Confident May I see the universal energies.

Sarva mangalam (peace to all beings)

This is why I always ask people, "why are you doing DMT?" And" how do you feel it's helping you?"

...because most come back with fairy-tale stories centered on fantastic hallucination, and tend to leave out the actual "feel" of DMT, they leave out the total alien feeling of the state, the absolute astonishment of the state's that boarders on pure terror, the disorientation that comes with having your entire ontology disintegrate within a fraction of a second...

...I've never felt "intoxicated" on DMT, in fact I have always felt 100% at baseline, except that everything around me has transformed, time and physics stop, your not centered in a physical body, and everything you know from your entire incarnation as "you" slips away like finger cracks through sand...

The general reaction I see when I give people DMT is tears, crying, and astonishment so soul-shaking they can barley form a full sentence to describe it.

...I've never been able to experiance these euphoric and fantastic journeys which I hear described, it's actually very hard for me to come back from a flash and actually be able to describe it, or say much about it at all, in the quote below mckenna perfectly articulates the phenomenon I'm attempting to describe:



I'm always fascinated to hear people's ideas on "what the flash actually is"

In my opinion, it's death, it's leaving the physical body for non-physical existance...

...it seems we are all sitting on the brink of the most fantastic journey we will ever embark upon, death.

And DMT allows one access to after death states.

Just hearing people's thoughts on the DMT flash in general interest me, it's fascinating to hear a person's best description of an event that is beyond human linguistics.

Which is why I asked my initial questions.

I did not mean to come off as sounding stern before, it's just that I take DMT very seriously, I feel that's it's a sacrament, not a toy, and that it's not to be taken lightly in any way. I also feel safety and responsibility (and respect) are key.

...so if I come off sounding stern or grumpy, keep in mind that the concern is generated from a good place. The last thing I (or anybody in the DMT community) would want is to hear about somebody hurting themselves with this amazing compound, I always want to be sure that others at least are aware of the potential risks involved...

...And since schizophrenia is related to the 5ht2a receptor, and since newer schizophrenia medications are 5HT2a receptor antagonists, and since DMT is a 5HT2a receptor agonist, I felt that while being as friendly and welcoming as I can, that I was in some way obligated to at least bring these topics up.

Any way, please be very very careful, be very mindful, and please be safe,

Good luck,

-eg

Oh, don't worry! I wasn't offended in the least. It's actually pretty cool that you would go through the trouble of researching schizophrenia receptors and DMT...a few people on the Nexus have also warned me to be very careful when taking DMT.

And I love that you take DMT very seriously and urge people to be very careful with this substance. It's definitely a powerful, bizarre, and mind-blowing substance, to say the least...I have never broken through or left this reality, but my brother has and he still can't put the experience into words.

Sorry to hear that you've had traumatic DMT experiences (I can't even begin to imagine the fear)...it sounds like you were at least able to pull some positives from the experience and conquer your fear of death, which is pretty amazing.

I'm still afraid of dying, but I feel like the jester will be on the other side waiting for me, so I do feel a little more relaxed about the experience. Maybe he'll even guide me through the experience of dying.

(I love the poem, by the way. It reads almost like a prayer...I really enjoyed it)!

In the past science was considering the role of endogenous hallucinogens, such as DMT, as playing a role in mental illness, this role of DMT as an endogenous chemical source of mental illness has been explored and ruled out, yet the receptors that psychedelics activate, the 5HT2a and 5HT2c receptors have been shown to be involved.

I'm fascinated by consciousness, so I study psychedelics, brainwave entrainment, Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) and other forms of brain stimulation, sensory deprivation, meditation, yoga, drumming, trance, breath-work, ordeal etc...

I consider mental illness novel conscious states, so I study those as well.

The traumatic DMT experiance was in fact the most positive event I could have had, there was nothing negative about it, just because something is difficult or hard to go through does not in any way imply negativity...

Here's an example:

look at a birth, it's a traumatic event, it's traumatic for the person being born and the mother, it's intense, there's screaming, there's crying and yelling, but birth is the gateway to life, there's nothing negative about a birth, though it's VERY traumatic for all parties involved. There was nothing negative about my traumatic DMT event, on the contrary it was beautiful.

It was death, which I no longer fear, and honestly feel I understand fairly well now, at least up until the bardo. It also gave me a renewed love and enthusiasm for life, as well as confirmation of conscious existance outside of physical bodies, which implies (confirms) conscious-being after death.

The "poem" is a variation of a prayer from the Tibetan book of the dead. It's called "the wanders prayer"

The Tibetan book of the dead is a guide for how to navigate the DMT flash as well as the after death. Again I'm of the opinion that the DMT flash IS gaining access to the after death, so when it comes to death and the DMT flash I see them as one and the same.

In quechua "aya" means "dead" or "ghost" or "soul/spirit" and huasca means vine, so "ayahuasca" is the vine that gives you access to death, the "vine of the dead"

So, entheogenic shamanism has been telling us that entheogens give us access to non-physical and after death states since the start...

I'm not sure why others interpret the peak DMT experiance as anything other than death (which is why I try to discuss the flash with as many people as I can to try to gain understanding)

...for me, I didn't have to think "is this death" I knew it was, I also had the feeling I had been there many many times before...

Any way, I'm glad to hear you are trying to be careful, and wish you fortune and luck on your path.

Sarva mangalam,

-eg

Very beautifully said! But I'm wondering now if it's purely painful for the mother and not necessarily traumatic to her before, during and after the event considering that she's performed something beautiful and it's more than totally worth whatever she has to endure - and not traumatic to the baby because there's no memory.

And it might actually be a pleasant thing for a baby to take its first breath of air.



I've heard of the Tibetan Book of the Dead but never actually got around to reading this amazing book! The book I have is so huge I need time to read this and understand.



I know these beings.

They are intimately involved with my creation and my life path.

It's so interesting how familiar that place is to a lot of people.

(Note: I edited this post later after a lot of thought about childbirth).

...and how unfamiliar it all is simultaneously...

It's hard for me to say what the flash is, it's like nothing on earth, so there are only poor and fumbled analogies to work with when describing it.

-eg

It's so strange to hear the things people experiance, and how different their experiences are from mine...



The above excerpt from TIHKAL matches what generally happens to me, just about every time too...

I never get scenery or earth like encounters, it's always so alien, so beyond anything earthly that it's impossible to.describe in earthly terms, again, we end up saying "it's like this or that" but we know our analogies don't do justice to these events, because as much as they are like these things they are also not like these things...

I don't know, it's hard for me to articulate...

I kind of wish I could have euphoric experiences with landscapes and earth like interactions with beings...

but I generally get something completely different...what I get when beings are involved is closer to what you would hear in an NDE or alien abduction story...it's hard to socialize with them in any normal sense, they often have far more control over the situation than you do, and while some are benevolent, others don't mind making you the butt of cruel jokes, and others still will dismember or attack you, I hear a lot of reports where the individual feels like they are strapped in a chair being operated on, and are totally helpless. When I encounter benevolent beings it's still a situation where I have very little control, and anything I could say or do seems beyond these beings, it seems like most the time they want you to just sit still and watch...
Then there are "being like" things, it's hard to tell if these are spirits, if they are machines, if they are objects, or if they are living creatures, it's clear they have intention, though they appear much more like geometric objects or complicated machinery than like any "being" you would ever encounter. These things interact by stretching and shaping their physical form into concepts, or by out right just jumping inside of you. It's still difficult to call these things "beings" in the traditional sense, though I'm fairly certain they are conscious.

What I get is indescribable, unearthly, and strange beyond belief...in fact I never feel intoxicated, I feel 100% baseline, only all of this is going on around me, and you act the way you would if it happened to you sober with out the DMT, your confused, appalled, astonished, afraid, intrigued, baffled, excited, terrified, overjoyed and saddened, you just can't believe it, something impossible is going on right before your very eyes, and since you don't feel drugged, you think "i really did it this time, you fool! You must have died, you killed yourself! how else could this be" then you eventually return to normal and are left to contemplate the event, and this happens EVERY time, it never gets any less thrilling, horrifying, or astonishing, I never "get used" to it...

But that's just me, others seem to have wildly different reactions.

-eg

The feeling of doing DMT is as though one had been struck by noetic lightning. The ordinary world is almost instantaneously replaced, not only with a hallucination, but a hallucination whose alien character is its utter alienness. Nothing in this world can prepare one for the impressions that fill your mind when you enter the DMT sensorium.

~ Terence McKenna.

---

-eg

Again, I find mckenna gives an excellent description, it's very near my own experiences, I can at least understand exactly what he means

...Though after my first DMT trip I remember thinking "mckenna is full of shit" because when I listened to mckenna before I had actually smoke d DMT I payed attention to all the wrong things, and was thus expecting something far different than what i actually got, however after re-reading/listening to mckenna after i had smoked DMT, it turns out he did give me fair warning, I just was focused on the wrong aspects of his stories...





-eg