I've been having a really hard time deciding what I want to do next with my life and where I want to do it. It's been difficult for me trying to balance my interest in psychedelics, my career goals, my desired social life, and my political/community engagement. They all seem to butt heads, my heart and my sense of duty are at odds with one another. I know exactly what I want to do with my life right now, but it seems counter-intuitive to what I feel I need to do. I've never had the chance to pursue my life-goals up until this point, and now that I finally have the opportunity I'm afraid I have to pass it up because of my sense of moral obligation to my community. I haven't really resolved it to be honest...I still grapple with it every day. But for the time being I've made the decision to postpone my long-term goals in hopes that another opportunity will come around.

What is the most embarrassing experience you've had as a result of being under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol?

There are many things I should've been ashamed of, maybe. But there is really only one instance I have somewhat embarrassed myself under the influence... and that was the time I was unable to keep an erection after too much alcohol and too much weed with my first partner, for our first time. She'd give me crap for it too. she was truly gorgeous though.

What thoughts do you have about mankind overall? -- Is there an excerpt from your own life that might serve to illustrate your coming to these terms and how you now feel yourself in relation to your own humanity ?

Humanity is beautiful albeit confusing and downright stupid at times. But that is only a small percentage of people. Some are nice, some are not. Some are intelligent, some are ignorant and blissfully so. I know it is a pipe dream to think that one day we will "all get along" and there will be no war, hunger, or greed but I do have faith that the ones who care about themselves and everyone else around them will at least be able to find happiness, even in the darkest of times. Humanity as a whole is destructive, leech-like, and a plague upon the Earth. But thankfully there are some who realize this and take measures to preserve this wonderful place for generations to come. I realize my answer sounds a bit wishy washy but it is true. I don't have any personal examples at the moment.


What is a secret you kept as a kid and still haven't shared with your parents even though you are an adult?

When i was a kid i saw my parents have sex, and got aroused. I am not telling ANYONE that...Ever.

What is the most disturbing dream that you have had?

A dream when I was very young where there were these strange sand demons that would come out of walls and go back into them. Their plan was to kidnap/murder everyone except for me, and I had to just run around amidst the chaos.

What is the greediest thing you've ever done?

Continued a series of unhealthy relationships with the universe knowing full well the consequences but blatantly ignoring them out of convenience.

What is your relationship to the universe?

We are just starting to get to know each other, yet it feels like we may have been lovers in a past life.



How do you really feel about yourself?

I feel like I'm actually a beautiful person who irrationally has thoughts of judgement, anger, hatred and self loathing. I constantly reaffirm to myself that I am angry and that "I hate you". I'm a perfectionist in how I respond to the world and if it is anything less than perfect, it leaves me feeling tight and frustrated, as I'm way to hard on myself. Sometimes I feel deeply at rest within myself, still and at peace with this moment, when my mind isn't telling me it hates me, and I'm not believing it.

Have you ever truly been in love?