PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: : Usual Pre-Blast Off Anxiousness
(physical condition):Feeling Healthy
Setting (location):Living Room, Laying on a couch with a blanket
time of day: 0:00-1:00
recent drug use: Coffee 4 hours prior, Micro dose of mushrooms .25g 30 hours previous
last meal: Herbs, butter, honey and bread 6 hours prior
PARTICIPANT
Gender: M
body weight: 80
known sensitivities: None
history of use: Aproxx 10 times over last 8 months, no breakthroughs most relatively light trips.
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): Harmala extracted from rue and DMT crystals
Dose(s): 6mg Harmalas, 26mg loaded DMT, after weight verification shows 16mg vaped
Method of administration: Harmalas smoked in oil burner prior to DMT in GVG over 3 spaced out hits
EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:10 around three small hits over a course of 10 mins
Duration: T=0:30 approx
First effects: 0:01
Peak: T= 0:05-0:15
Come down: T=0:15 - 0:20
Baseline: 0:30
Intensity (overall): 2
Evaluation / notes: relatively not a strong trip in terms of visuals or ability to perceive reality
OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 2.5
Unplesantness: 1.5
Visual Intensity: 2
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AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 2.5 for the night carried on to the next morning
REPORT
REPORT
For the first time I decided to modulate my experience by using harmalas and vaping a small amount at a time. I usually carry quite a bit of pre flight anxiety and find it very difficult to build the courage to blast off. This time I was able to bring myself up a little more slowly and in a controlled fashion. Over all this experience was much more rewarding as I was able to hold on to a lot more of the trip, and felt that I was really working with the substance to resolve things with in myself. I puffed about 3 or 4 small hits in the course of 10 mins, totally what seems to be about 16mg of spice after subtraction from the preflight weight of my loaded liquid pad. I can't remember at what points I took the hits during the experience.
The beginning effects of this trip was very mushroom like, and as always the inanimate around me becomes "alive". I began to sense presence all around me, intelligence. Everything seemed to be communicating with me, moving and arranging itself intelligently. For some reason, as most times, this instigates a paranoid response in me, and fear creeps in my mind.
On the surface I realize that the fear is irrational, but its still there. I close my eyes to see whats happening in there and feel myself being pulled into the back of my mind. At first I start thinking about a beach, and it starts becoming real. I've never had a vivid imagination, at least not that I would consider, so it surprises me how vivd and real it starts to feel. It progresses more and more real. I can feel the moist wind hitting my cheeks. Then my mind drifts to sexual thoughts. I picture a beautiful woman, but she has a dark and sinister quality to her, some how its more arousing.
I am on a very sexual vibe as images pass through my mind. Always the presences of this feminine figure and images. They are organic, become increasingly so with dark, almost but not quite slimy, tentacle(y), qualities. I am reminded of my aversion natural things like vines and plants, (even though I love nature, I know its irrational). It occurs to me that I was looking at a couple plants in our house right before blast off and thinking about how in the back of my mind there is a kind of fear of such things.
Now I am thinking about them and the irrational dislike of them, and I am objective of it. Its not bothering my, I know that it does but it isn't and I'm just watching the images. I a thought in the back of my mind that I need to face my fears in order to destroy them, and its the precise reason why I am always nervous before blast off. Then my mind goes to spiders, something I really have a strong aversion to. I took my self there, and I had a image of a giant spider as real as could be, but I didn't panic or fear it. Slowly the aversion to it dissipated and I realized I felt nothing for it, or love actually if anything.
Then my mind turned and said enough of this work and I felt a surging wave. It was coming closer and closer and seemed to be getting bigger and faster until I realized I was riding this wave. It was super fast and it wasn't a wave of water, but a wave of time, or rather the wave of time. It was accelerating and pushing me faster and faster and the excitement inside myself was growing with this increase. It was building and building until all of a sudden I opened my eyes and I was back, baseline pretty much.
I thought about taking another puff, but I new it was already late when I started and I worked the next morning. I realized I felt extremely tired and I should go to bed.
I started thinking about this documentary I saw some of and they were talking to people about love. One guy that was in prison for killing his girlfriend and their daughter talked about how he grew up and never knew what love was or how to express it properly, due to his family life and such. He realized he used to hurt people in his life because to him the amount of abuse they would take from him equated to how much they loved him. Anyway he ended up killing the girl that he loved and their child together. The girls mother and him started writing back and forth and she forgave him for what he did. She told him that no matter what she loves him. When this big bad child killing man started talking about this, he could barely speak, crying like crazy. He said that because of her, he now knew what love was. She taught him what love was, she gave him the most precious gift in his life and he was the one that took away hers.
It hit me that the strength and understanding and love from this woman was powerful enough to heal a broken person. I thought about how impossible it is to change a person, but love does have that power. True, infinite, unconditional love, which is what she showed.
This was the most useful experience I have had with n,n. I was able to bring the most back from it. I feel like I accomplished work with in myself with it. After the session I felt completely calm, peaceful, humble and grounded. It was truly therapeutic and I have developed a new appreciation for what it can achieve in a matter of minutes.