Let me start off by saying that i have experienced the revelation of realizing the self as god, on many occasions, all in different manifestations. This trip ended up being on the same tune as that thought, except the whole presentation, now that i look back at everything was very humorous.

I loaded up an unknown amount of spice anywhere from 40-70mg's and blasted off. Usually when i blast off the trip has an "intro" to it, well this trip i was instantly shot into a space, the space/dimension i was in had a very final/ end of the road feel to it. Instantly the divine "god" inside of me awakened and something just clicked inside of me like "duh of course i'm god", an energy was there, and it just threw a bunch of information to me, it was kind of like a hyperspeed dialogue that went like this.

"it is only I, that is why existence is. thats all i can do to forget, that it is just I"

"the highest wisdom is ignorance, not knowing, that is the only thing that, I don't have, so i create to forget"

"Who cares, it doesn't matter, no matter what happens, it is only I playing with self, forgetting"

And the whole tone of the trip was very lonely and final.

I don't know it may not sound like much, but the whole thing had a strong non caring, fuck it attitude, like "its just me, might as well create, fuck and entertain myself".My whole being felt as though it had awakened to the realization that the gig is up, the game is over, this is the revelation we all seek, a cold and sad truth, that its really only a lonely energy trying to forget, and it entertains itself with all these facades.

The impression this trip gives me is that life's greatest and highest honor is ignorance, not knowing, and every attempt to try and consciously understand life is in vain, because its just this one source and it already knows, and by creating life it gives it the ability to forget, and entertain.

the philosophy of this experience really doesn't add up to me, if the creating source/ god really just wants to forget, why dmt/mushrooms/lsd? I don't believe the trip, but still it left an impression on me nonetheless. I will travel back into hyperspace soon.

Thank you for sharing your experience and welcome to the nexus, CosmicBookWorm.

Namaste, tseuq

I think there's some truth to the words you received in your experience. I've had experiences leaving me with similar existential meaninglessness but I think there's a flip side to the message. I think it's true that the universe/one might be one large act of forgetting and remembering. Both death and life are reflections of both. Death - a forgetting of Ego and remembering of the Whole/One, and life - a forgetting of the One and a 'remembering' through our experience in this finite state because this may be one of the most profound ways the One can learn/experience/remember itself. DMT/other psychs are especially powerful acts of remembering.

I think whether we take meaning or meaninglessness from this truth is up to us. It sounded like you've had prior trips with Godhead-realization or realizing it's all within you.

Sometimes DMT can set some pretty harsh, cold tones, and a lot of times they're sign posts for integration and a break. Paradoxically, DMT often points out that we have more to learn 'here' in this limited state than 'there' where all the gabillions of the secrets of the universe exist unchained and raw.

Good luck on future experiences, whenever you decide to venture. Sounds like you had a strong one this time.

I more or less get where you're coming from, experience wise. Most of my smoked experience have left me with the feeling. One essence, one flow, one perceiver behind and beyond all form. Call it whichever terms fits you specifically - God, Mind, Mystery, The All Pervasive, Pure Unbridled Consciousness, Dream, the list could just go on and on, but it all overlaps to me personally, all the same thing being labeled in a multitude of ways (although at the end of the day, it evades labeling effortlessly). For me, preferably No Name. One boundless form playing with its nearly infinite variety of maskings. The only way to understand it is to experience It, imo/ime. At the bottom rung of reality - one ocean, one inescapable infinity playing the part/s, yet pervading it's entire creation. Anything goes. One Witness in hiding, but ever present behind the flimsy filtering of our day to day cognition.

For me it's liberating in alot of ways, in the sense that it feels like the highest form of freedom to me. Hard to describe or fully put into words.

thank you for the responses, how lucky we are to have a refuge like this, just reading some sympathetic comments is such a relief and pleasure.

Whatever the trip really means is too much for this monkey brain to conclude, or take too seriously, the most important thing is that fear has left my heart and mind for the most part.

for the most part.

To add to this, these are nearly how all my experiences go (but with a slightly different outlook), even the deepest most reality-obliterating ones - this very ecstatic impartiality that is infused throughout the experience - the neither 'here nor there' feeling, or in some peoples words - 'non caring'.

My strongest experience with DMT was several years back I was endlessly pounded with the 'you are this infinitely complex mystery, creating and destroying on every level imaginable, just for the sheer thrill of it and the tangibility of wanting to experience in the finite'. This message was pounded into me over and over and over.

Because it knows that whatever is revealed to us there, we can only take the slightest bit back with us. And what we can take back is enough to help us live better here in normal space/time.

Alan Watts-The Book, On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are covers this subject thoroughly. Not in regards to DMT, but rather our connection to the dreaming godhead.

Yes.
This could be consider a ˝holy grail˝ experience...but are you/we ready for it? Do you/we really wanna know? Is it true or just a trick of the mind, chemical reaction etc?
I don't know but when it happens it feels more real and true than anything that i have ever experienced beyond all doubt. Doubt only starts to creep back in after some time passes by and i forget the feeling and can only fall back on my memory.
All i wanted is to be shown something that will explain my existence and this was what i have been given/remembered.
Happened several times couple years back and i still deal with the aftermath i guess. Interesting how this post pops up just when i have gone back in two days ago after almost a year break and again the ˝Cosmic Joke˝ was on me. It was gentle and i forgot the whole thing 10 min after it ended...just a lingering feeling of playful laughing in my heart and big grin on my face. In one of older experiences i was told what we are is this deep deep thing ...and we like to play.

Welcome CosmicBookWorm.

CosmicBookWorm
In my first breaktrough today I had the same initial experience you had!
, and with the same "careless" attitude.

But then I felt scarily lonelly and I'd realized that the multiplicity was needed, slowly I'd noticed that other "consciousness" should exist, not only mine.